does your partner know about all of your debt?

jonnybeegood

Despite being well into my debt free journey, debt and talking about debt still seems to be the elephant in the room in our house.

I deal with all of the finances and debt payments etc. My wife is on board and doesn't spend/sabotage etc but she is quite happy to leave it to me sort it out ( she does input financially though).

We hardly ever talk about debt and whilst she knows that we are in a lot of debt she doesn't actually know the exact amount. She knows that it is well over 30K ( its actually 40K) and that we pay £1000 a month off. She can get quite worked up about things and to be honest I am quite happy with this situation.

Looking on here I can see lots of situations where a partner is completely oblivious to the debts of their spouse. This isn't the case with us but equally it's not 100% open.

Does anyone else not tell their partner the full scale of their debts? I know that in theory, full disclosure is best but I just don't want to rock the boat as we are now 'floating' quite nicely!!!

DD265

He knows, but as it's my debt he doesn't know the exact figures and he's not contributing to paying it off. If he wanted to know, I'd tell him.

Quite funny really because he's the saver, I'm the spender, yet I do the budgeting for our joint account. He did buy me YNAB though

Muttipops

Johnny, as long as you can cope with the sorting it all out and that you don't feel alone in this debt busting, then it's not a problem.
I would take it either as a sign that she trusts you to handle it all or that she really can't be arsed with the finances, especially if she worries. She's not an ostrich but doesn't want the elephant in her face, as it were.
Money causes enough marital disharmony which only adds to the woe, so I'd keep the status quo, if I were you, as long as you can cope.

strummergirl

You may also be referring to my post. DH mentioned putting a couple of things on CC here and there but when I found out how much I felt completely lied to (by omission) and I am still really angry when I think about it. I only found out because I asked offhand one day and he wasn't prepared so told the truth or I'm not sure I'd know now. You know your DW best but I think my husband would now probably advise you tell her sooner rather than later x

FinallyDebtfree2017

Difficult that one.
I didn't for ages, but had to, as we were re mortgaging, it was so emberassing, but now a great relief, he also picks me up, when spending goes out of control.

Why don't you ask her whether she wants to know?

Is it a burden to you?

jonnybeegood

FinallyDebtfree2017 wrote: »

Difficult that one.
I didn't for ages, but had to, as we were re mortgaging, it was so emberassing, but now a great relief, he also picks me up, when spending goes out of control.

Why don't you ask her whether she wants to know?

Is it a burden to you?

The debts is a burden but I am nor really burdened by not discussing it, in fact I DONT want to talk about it all the time. I don't really discuss the debts with anyone. nobody apart from my wife knows anything about it., not even our parents or closest friends.

Muttipops

Jonny,
It is alright to carry on as you are. You are paying back the debt, you say your wife is onboard with that and she knows it is a large amount, if that situation works for the two of you then keep it like that.


I know what you mean about not wanting to talk about debt all the time, it can get all consuming; it's bad enough being in debt without it becoming all you talk about, and also about not telling parents and friends; you can come on here and chat to us as we have not got a vested interest in your life; speak about debts to family and friends and whilst some are understanding and in the same boat for all you know, some can get a bit holier than though.
Whilst the modern way is to spill your guts left right and centre and I agree that a problem shared is a problem halved, we are here for that without everybody knowing your intimate financial details. It's nothing to be ashamed of, but you know how people can be. And as you prefer not talking about it, why tell the family? The worry then spreads or the judgement depending on what you family are like and then they offer you money and get entangled in your life.........
Mrs Long-Winded here is waffling on but basically trying to say what I started out with IT'S OK YOU ARE DOING NOTHING WRONG, end of.