Student tips and recipes book - her 1st time living away

[Deleted User]

Then its going to be tough love I'm afraid don't go bailing her out as she will never learn My DGD went off thinking life would be a doddle and boy did he come down to earth with a bump.No Mum or Gran there to wait on him or make his bed or even make sure he had clean bed clothes. he found out that milk,coffee food etc does not magically appear in the fridge and if you use a pan to cook you have to wash it up.
Two years down the line he is solvent, abd cooks and cleans for himself and found that scouring charity shops with his girlfriend to buy jackets and jumpers and tee shirt can be a lot of fun.She too is at the same Uni, He also has two part-time jobs that he holds down as well as doing a full time degree

I remember when I first left home to live on my own at 16-17 (1959-60) I had a week when I lived on custard as it was the only thing in the flat in the cupboard, a tin of Birds custard powder Milk was deliverd daily and until the end of the week that was my dinner every night.No way was I going to ask for help though. I was independant and if I had to live on custard then that's what I did.Must admit after getting paid I made darned sure I had some emergency supplies in of tinned stuff .It was years before I could bring myself to eat custard again though.:)

Didn't do me any harm and I survived served me right for not budgeting properly.I still to this day over 55 years later have a stash of emergency food ,in this case its usually in case I can't get out to buy any because of bad weather

miniondancer

upoiupou wrote: »

Maybe call it a healthcare kit?

We can make a joke out of it

assemble all the bits they will go in a plastic basin but we will have all the basics if she or her immediate friends are sick to tide them till somewhere opens, including condoms etc and other stuff for when / if she gets "freshers flu"


Islandmaid (sorry i havent worked out multiquote)
"Also, make sure she see's her GP before going, check injections are upto date and also get the new Menengitis jab, I also got my son to get a check up at the dentists too - I,d rather be mollycoddling than risk Menengitis

If she doesn't appear to be engaging with the whole Uni thing, it could be that she is scared of going, but doesn't want to look silly - just a though"

Thanks for that, knowing the mum she will have made sure all childhood vaccinnations are up to date with boosters etc, il speak to the mum about the new menengitis jab as with it being new the family might be particularly wary as their son (my OH) developed narcolepsy after swine flu jab

She is planning how to sort out clothes, for example that one weekend in the month all the girls she has been thru secondary level with will all meet up and "swich" so that they all have new clothes for going back to uni - i must add she is not a fashion student or anything in that line

i know she sounds vacuous at this minute, she isnt but all she can think about is what to wear but we also know in reality she wont get out of bed till very last point she can and that we are prepared that she may have to get phone calls to help waken her up but no one is mentioning this until its a last resort as she has a phone etc so can set alarms by herself

"Trips to visit our DDs at uni would invariably involve us taking them to a supermarket and buying a load of stuff they used to take for granted when living at home"

yes of course the toilet roll at home is just there as is many other things, she will be getting some deliveries from tesco if she decides to house share and taking one of my key fobs for tesco points

I do like JackieO's suggestion though - she will probably appreciate such a thing (even if not publicly!) and remember it fondly way beyond her student years -

yes thats part of what was thinking and a point of reference for odd tips, going to make a beauty tips one as well (such as dab toothpaste on spot to shrink spot.) stuff that some people think everyone knows but not everyone does - how to get alternate uses out of things, her mum says she knows realistically that daughter would just chuck whatever rather than try to sort it out - the other part is that we can put in little antedotes and comments throughout which will make her laugh because she will know the back ground to them so (inside jokes)

Thanks all for your help so far and keep it coming

miniondancer

Thanks for your wisdom JackieO (dare i say you are one of my heroes on here) when i have been reading your common sense approach to things

I might start doing a box for her to send down via boyfriend for about 3-4 weeks before student loan runs out but il wait till i know exactly what she is doing for accommodation

you sound like me, i ate my way through 2 weeks of tinned sardines and in bed under all my clothes using them as a blanket until i got money and then i started putting away, I now have a stock cupboard & freezer supply as im disabled and only leave the house for medical appts and can live well out of it, I lived to tell the tale too

Re tough love, i know they want to let her paddle her feet so to speak and see that money just isnt there for everything wanted and that she should see to essentials first but i also know the reality is at the first flounder they will send her money even if it means parents working extra hours

miniondancer

victor2 wrote: »

bathroom essentials perhaps?

She has so much bathroom stuff and toiletries & make up that we have no need to worry about will she have enough, apart from shops locally she has enough to keep probably her whole floor going for 1st semester at least if she goes to halls:rotfl:

If she has her own bathroom she will get stocked up on TP by the mum, if not it will go in an under bed box so she can take out what she needs when she needs to go as depends on who else is around and her access to TP (which she takes for granted at home like many other things) could be compromised

Aril

Thanks for the tip about the student cookery book. I've ordered a used copy. We've got one already but it assumes a certain level of knowledge already and the recipes, although delicious, are very pricey.

My son has a place but isn't going until next year. I've been teaching him relevant skills since he finished school so he's well acquainted with the iron etc. He can cook a few basic things but I've started to help him cook a bit more. My first thing was to teach him about food hygiene so that he doesn't make himself ill- rules for freezing/refreezing, what meats need to be cooked through etc just common sense really. He cooked us a lovely tuna dish last week though but I realised that because the recipe didn't specify and I didn't think to say he didn't drain the brine from the tin. Still tasted great though but he's on a learning curve. This week he's doing the microwave egg things from the Eat Well for Less https://en-gb.facebook.com/eatwellforless/

Arilx

FairyPrincessk

If you're going to stock her up on basic medicines, then give her some guidelines on when and how to use them--perhaps a page for colds, one for stomach issues etc. I'd also put a note at the bottom about when it is time to see a doctor. She probably isn't used to making that decision herself. Even though she doesn't drink, I'd also make clear which things can't be taken with alcohol as she may refer to the book on behalf of friends. I'd also include things like cup a soup, water crackers, throat lozenges etc. Freshers flu is a miserable thing and she'll likely get it before she has her bearings. I'd also include some basic cleaning supplies--a pack of rubber gloves, some sponges, cloths, disinfectant in a spray bottle (either make up your own or buy something along the lines of flash as she may not have access to a tap that is high enough to fill a bucket and dilute).

In the food suggestions, I wouldn't worry too much about lunches and breakfast. If she does bother to pack her own lunch, she'll probably be taking sandwiches, or if she is lucky enough to have access to a microwave perhaps leftovers. My guess is she'll only resort to this as her funds dwindle as most students get lunch in the canteen or local eateries with their mates. They'll soon work out the cheaper eateries, and if she has access to a subsidized canteen as some Unis have, then this may not be too much of a splurge. Unless she somehow ends up in a crowd of kids with their own personal estates, they'll likely all have at least some budgetary constraints.

One of the things I always ask my new freshers at the beginning of term when we're going around getting to know each other is what they've had for breakfast. This is usually a bit memorable and funny, but it also gives me a glimpse into any pastoral care concerns that might arise. I hear the whole gamut from nutella sandwiches, eggs and cereals to fruit or rice. I rarely hear porridge, although usually by second year I do hear this if I ask the question then. Students are surprisingly inventive when it comes to feeding themselves. For the most part, as long as they tell me they have eaten something before noon, I know they're managing to at least feed themselves.

I'd probably spend the most time on the main recipes---spag bol, shepherd's pie, things on toast--like scrambled egg, a couple of chicken recipes etc. Some halls won't have kitchens and she'll eat all of her meals in a dining room, but most will at least have access to a kettle, toaster and microwave. I'd also add a section called 'Down to my last £10 and x weeks go go.' I'd do this meal plan style and include things like porridge (with instructions on how to make it from a big bag and not sachets) and cheap and easy dinners and lunches. If she doesn't need it fine, but if she does it will be a brilliant resource.

Most Uni terms are 10-12 weeks, a very simple way of helping her think in terms of a budget may actually be to just take the money she has (be it loan, bank of mum and dad etc.) and divide it by the number of weeks she has before her next installment. If she has a 10 week term, plus 1 week for freshers activities and perhaps a few days before coming home, I'd divide by 13--then she has a small emergency fund. If she can keep her spends under this amount per week she'll be fine. Instead of getting her to use pen and paper, I'd just suggest finding an app or making sure she can access her online banking to check her statements every week to see how much she is spending. The simpler the process, the more likely she is to do it.

Finally, I'm sure that she and her boyfriend are a lovely couple and that he is a great person who can be relied upon. That said, the first term of Uni often results in relationship transitions. I would just gently ensure she knows how to get home in the event that bf's car isn't working or he is ill. Similarly, I'd suggest a friendly conversation (perhaps sharing an anecdote) that suggests she should always work out how to get herself home before going out. Going out in groups is wonderful and a part of the Uni experience, but she'll want to know she can get herself out of a situation if it suddenly isn't quite what she anticipated.

She'll be more adaptable than anyone knows and will come home a changed woman--for the better.

upoiupou

miniondancer wrote: »

she doesnt have a clue how to use an iron and has no intention of learning, Iwe have offered repeatedly)

Gosh, I know very well how to use an iron but I have no intention of using one! Apart from if you have to wear a pressed shirt for work or something - which a female student is fairly unlikely to do - I think ironing is a waste of time. My few items of clothing that could crease get hung outside on the line in the wind when damp, my clean hankies are all creased (who cares) and any duvet cover wrinkles smooth themselves out when you use them.

I realise the horse has probably already bolted in some cases, but I do think it's better if the tough love starts before 18. I never made my bed well or kept my room very tidy, but I did know that if anything was going to get done it was up to me to do it. We were given a clothes allowance every quarter to spend on whatever we wanted and when it ran out we could forget about new clothes. Allowance/pocket money also a fixed amount and up to us to manage with that, no extra. So we weren't hard done by, just highly motivated to learn to budget, buy as cheaply as we could and prioritise our spending. Which really helped me when I left home at 17 and had to start including things like rent in the equation.

Brambleberry

There are so many things that can be helped with a cuppa and a chat. Is it possible to arrange a visit from this young lady before she goes to uni? Let her tell you about her plans and how she is going to sort stuff out, sometimes you can help just by letting her talk her way to her own solutions and she can ask for information on specific things.

We all want the best for our youngsters and desperately want them to avoid our mistakes, but as JackieO's custard story so clearly shows, a little discomfort and inconvenience is a great teacher!

miniondancer

FairyPrincessk wrote: »

If you're going to stock her up on basic medicines, then give her some guidelines on when and how to use them--perhaps a page for colds, one for stomach issues etc. I'd also put a note at the bottom about when it is time to see a doctor. She probably isn't used to making that decision herself. Even though she doesn't drink, I'd also make clear which things can't be taken with alcohol as she may refer to the book on behalf of friends. I'd also include things like cup a soup, water crackers, throat lozenges etc.

Freshers flu is a miserable thing and she'll likely get it before she has her bearings. I'd also include some basic cleaning supplies--a pack of rubber gloves, some sponges, cloths, disinfectant in a spray bottle (either make up your own or buy something along the lines of flash as she may not have access to a tap that is high enough to fill a bucket and dilute)

I'd probably spend the most time on the main recipes---spag bol, shepherd's pie, things on toast--like scrambled egg, a couple of chicken recipes etc. Some halls won't have kitchens and she'll eat all of her meals in a dining room, but most will at least have access to a kettle, toaster and microwave. I'd also add a section called 'Down to my last £10 and x weeks go go.' I'd do this meal plan style and include things like porridge (with instructions on how to make it from a big bag and not sachets) and cheap and easy dinners and lunches. If she doesn't need it fine, but if she does it will be a brilliant resource.

Finally, I'm sure that she and her boyfriend are a lovely couple and that he is a great person who can be relied upon. That said, the first term of Uni often results in relationship transitions. I would just gently ensure she knows how to get home in the event that bf's car isn't working or he is ill.

Similarly, I'd suggest a friendly conversation (perhaps sharing an anecdote) that suggests she should always work out how to get herself home before going out. Going out in groups is wonderful and a part of the Uni experience, but she'll want to know she can get herself out of a situation if it suddenly isn't quite what she anticipated. .

She is like a wee sister to me

I will be providing a how to use what and when guide with medications etc as im an ex pharmacy tech (not working now due to illness) - I'd also put a note at the bottom about when it is time to see a doctor. She probably isn't used to making that decision herself. - good point and will be making a list of the family phone numbers in case she needed them and couldnt get at her phone

will add a couple of bottles of zoflora for cleaning up after sickness and also a small bottle of own brand dettol & hand saniziter

"Down to my last £10 and x weeks go" love this idea

We know that if she did really want / need to come home and that BF couldnt bring her as she plans for whatever reason, there is at least 3 people who will go and collect her and help her sort out whatever

Going out and having a way home is something which she has grown up with, all her underwear and bras have an extra pocket sewn in by her aunt who has a daughter a year older so that she has emergency money if needs to get home from somewhere, she knows exactly how and when to use that as she has in the past, one night the friends she went out with wanted her to get in a car with a drunk driver, she choose not to and got a taxi instead even she hadnt enough for it on her but woke parents who paid the rest of fare so she was safe - the other car crashed 2 were injured not life threatening but she was sensible enough

miniondancer

Brambleberry wrote: »

There are so many things that can be helped with a cuppa and a chat. Is it possible to arrange a visit from this young lady before she goes to uni? Let her tell you about her plans and how she is going to sort stuff out, sometimes you can help just by letting her talk her way to her own solutions and she can ask for information on specific things.

We all want the best for our youngsters and desperately want them to avoid our mistakes, but as JackieO's custard story so clearly shows, a little discomfort and inconvenience is a great teacher!

As you should say Brambleberry i left a message to ask her to call today or tomorrow so should be able to have a good yarn then and draw her out on various things.

i couldnt face sardines for years but yes now i have a stock cupboard and try to keep ahead on things like the electric meter so im not panicing constantly as i use extra leccy for essential equipment