Which is the best way to play this?

climbgirl

The good news is that your credit rating is protected! Having no joint accounts is a damn smart move and you need to make sure it stays that way. It might even be worth posting something on your credit rating that states you have no financial link to him - I think this is a flag to companies who check your record to run extra searches and it'd stop him ever getting joint accounts without your consent if things got really bad and his own credit rating got hit

I also think it's a good idea to stash money away where he can't touch it. Perhaps this idea isn't in the true spirit of marriage, but you have to put the kids first and you need to protect them.

If the cards and debts are in his name alone and only his, then I wouldn't pay any of them off frankly. It might be the wake-up call he needs if he gets his credit cut-of finally. Although it'd be good if he can see sense before it gets to the point where he can't pay his way out easily enough.

One question - what's the situation with the house? Do you own or rent? Is it a joint mortgage? You might need to be careful about that.

I know this might sound horrible, but I'm going to suggest it anyway for you to think over. To give it some context, I was in a long-term relationship with an alcoholic, so I know a little about addiction and getting people to face up to it. I know you've said you've tried before to get him to seek help, but maybe it needs some drastic action. I'm not suggesting to you that you leave him, but maybe you need to talk with him about that. Maybe if he hears that's at stake, it'll be the wake up he needs? I ended up leaving my partner because it was clear he wasn't going to change and I needed to get out before I got badly hurt. Like I say, I'm not trying to tell you what to do, just giving you something to think over. Shock tactics might help!

climbgirl

TAG wrote: »

I think really I wanted to come on this thread with the consolidation v 0%/LOB argument and be able to show him the advice on which really would be the best option.

Trouble is I don't think I'll show him any of it now.:o

Sorry, that's probably my fault! Maybe cut and paste and print it out so the 0% LOB advice shows up!

RAS

TAG

Given the issues here, if you do not want to show him this thread, but you would still like a thread to show him, start a new one, even under a different name, and PM people to answer it.

You know our views. Consolidation only works if

1. you cancel all the other lines of credit that lead to the debt and do not open up alternatives.
2. do not secure previously unsecure debt
3. are not paying off more over all than you would clearing the existing debt.

And, preferably, can make overpayments without penalty. The number of people on here who consolidate, consolidate and then foul up is massive.

I think one of our BK members put it like this

" i was robbing Peter to pay Paul and eventually Peter was skint as well"

There are a quite a few folk here who have first hand experience of dealing with addiction and some will no doubt come and talk to you at some stage.

TAG

The house he bought before we got married. And is solely in his name. In fact I wouldn't move in for the first year because I was so convinced he would mess up. But 4 years later he still hasn't missed a mortgage payment or any other for that matter. There's about 35k equity in it at the moment.

With the last thing you said. It's always in the back of my mind. Often I think why do I bother and what am I doing. If we could get rid of the gambling we'd be fine and reasonably well off. It's 5.20pm now and I know he finished work an hour ago. But his £30 a week pocket money, which is supposed to put petrol in his car and keep him in roll ups for the week, is probably running down the home straight at Kempton right now. And will come in 2nd as always. Prehaps that's why I decided to save some money each month?

Anyway, I think I'll try and convince him to go the 0%/LOB route. And just keep on hoping.

Thanks for the chat and advice climbgirl.

climbgirl

No worries, you'll always find an ear on these boards!

PM me if you want to chat more. good luck!