Not going to a wedding after rsvp?

Andypandyboy

I am going to go against the grain here. With eight weeks to go and having agreed hotel dates, they will believe you are attending. As it is abroad they needed to know early I assume and it is at that point that you should have declined. Other guests may have wanted hotel rooms and been turned away and have had to find alternative accomodation and meals and events will have been arranged for the duration of the wedding party. If you have the money to go I think you should do so or really risk losing a friendship.

You may have moved on in terms of life events but if you were good friends that will always remain. I am still friends with people I worked with 35 years ago, we meet rarely, but when we do we pick up where we left off.

grazuole999

Andypandyboy wrote: »

I am going to go against the grain here. With eight weeks to go and having agreed hotel dates, they will believe you are attending. As it is abroad they needed to know early I assume and it is at that point that you should have declined. Other guests may have wanted hotel rooms and been turned away and have had to find alternative accomodation and meals and events will have been arranged for the duration of the wedding party. If you have the money to go I think you should do so or really risk losing a friendship.

You may have moved on in terms of life events but if you were good friends that will always remain. I am still friends with people I worked with 35 years ago, we meet rarely, but when we do we pick up where we left off.

I get what you are saying... just checked flight tickets and they are now even more expensive than a few days ago. I better make up my mind soon

Fuzzy_Duck

Definitely tell her asap- simply say you're sorry and explain it's not possible financially now. If you get them a nice gift that should make it easier for them to accept!

I had the same problem when I got married. Honestly it would have been easier if the friend had just said no- instead we ended up wasting money on his and his girlfriend's meal and felt incredibly hurt when he didn't show.

7roland8

Don't think people mind if someone cannot come - as long as they are open and tell them in plenty of time and keep the lines fo communication open.
The thing that breeds resentment is when people drop out at last minute, or worse, just don't show.


Just tell her and draw a line under it - you cannot afford to throw money away not to hurt someone's feelings. Just say now things have changed financially for you both and you cannot make it - don't explain firther. Just say you'll be thinking of them - full stop.

Margaret54

Sorry I have just seen your post. I would simply let them know that you will not now be able to attend their wedding, but that you will be thinking of them on the day. £1000 is an awful amount of money to spend as a quest. Let them know quickly and then once you have done so you can start getting on with what is important to you and your husband and leave it at that. You don't owe her anything more.

Topcat1982

I just hope they haven't booked the hotel?!

If they haven't I don't think there's any issue. Just the cost of the meal which you can reimburse in a cheque in the wedding card

Andrew_Ryan_89

For gods sake. You are a grown person, just tell them you can't make it. The worst thing someone can do is say they are going to a wedding and don't show up. People have to pay per head most of the time with these things

pickledonionspaceraider

I wouldn't go, and let them know as politely as possible

I know what you mean about getting on great with people at work, and then when one person leaves, it turns out that really you were only 'work friends' and not actually as close a friend as you thought

Id send then a cash gift for the wedding to cover the cost of the meals - I know its money but its still cheaper than attending lol

ani*fan

Well if this isn't a warning about sending invites too early and not going through formal rsvp procedures, I don't know what is.

Me and OH are organising our wedding just now. Like any other big do, it takes a long time to organise, and a lot of money will be spent. Obviously things change for you and all of your guests during that time. We're considering things like 1) will my brother have a g/f by then who will need invited? 2) will a whole section of the family who we haven't seen for years even want to come? We just don't know and you have to plan as best you can and then wait and see.

My point is, there are good reasons why invites go out 6-8 weeks beforehand and that you need your guests to rsvp. Save the dates a few weeks before will give a heads up to your guests. The venue and caterers will not need final numbers until after this has all happened.

My advice to you is not any different to that given already. Tell them you're not going, apologise, send a pressie. Don't pay for your meal, you shouldn't have to. Don't pay for a room, if they got a discount arranged, the hotel still needed you to phone up and book which you haven't done.

Mostly, don't feel bad about it. They've botched up the planning, probably due to their own worries about it all and not being able to wait to invite people. Unlucky for them, not your problem.

inkie

I think there is a case for invites going out early - especially when complicated travel involved. Our DD married in June in her and her hubby's town where they live as students. It's a 6 hour drive from both families, and so we sent invites out in December. With RSVP 1st May.
The main thing is you need to RSVP ASAP. That's better for all concerned. When organising a wedding, never assume that people are coming, or that they aren't. You need a definite yes or no, hence the RSVP.