SOA please help

EssexHebridean

I'll be honest - in the position you're in now, with a child as well, I think it's counter productive to keep your finances separate. Should anything happen to one or the other of you it would also make life a lot harder for the other for the short term at least, too - and on a similar subject, PLEASE tell me you have wills made confirming who becomes legal guardian of the child in the event of the death of both of you? If not, get that sorted ASAP.

I'm normally in favour of people doing their finances as suits them - however if I were you two, I'd throw everything in and work things out accordingly. It's absolutely fair that the one who earns more contributes more, but what isn't fair both in terms of financial expenditure and stress levels is that you currently seem to be responsible for debts that both of you have run up - ie that overdraft that paid essentials while you were on maternity leave. The child that resulted is both of yours, and the costs that are associated with that should, IMO, be shared also.

MrEH and I work on the basis that our earnings get pooled, then each of us are "paid back" an agreed sum for personal money which can be spent, or saved, as suits us. Everything else though is "ours" rather than being mine, or his. When we were paying off standard debt, and now we're paying off the mortgage, the same thing applied - we both hit it with everything we could to get it shifted, as the sooner it's gone, the sooner the better quality of life for both of us.

Teacher2

There is a lot of good advice about essential cost cutting already posted and I usually add something about the hidden cost of special occasions, birthdays and Christmas presents and how to keep the expenses down.

In your case, however, I would advise coming out of the 'present trap' altogether until you have paid off your debts.

Let everyone know that you are sorting out your finances and that you, therefore, need not to buy gifts for others for a while. Say politely that if anyone buys you anything you will have to refuse and return it but that you do not mean to be rude by this and that no one should take offence. It sounds as if you have a very accommodating and understanding mother who will cooperate and support you in this.

When our children were little and expensive (child care fees etc.) my dear OH and I agreed not to buy each other Christmas presents. The eldest child is 27 and we still don't waste money on stuff we don't need at Christmas. We never missed the experience of unwrapping 'that special gift' as it would have come with the sick in the stomach question of 'how is this going to be paid for?' We always have a blast at Christmas without the humungous splurge. For birthdays I get to spend the Tesco's points.