Feeling so down its all gone wrong

Legalblond

Oh I just don't know where to start

I've been with DH 10 years now, we had small debt from moving in together (overdraft of 1500 in his name) and it spiralled from there.

He worked full time earning 19k. I only worked for a few months as I then fell pregnant and was on bed rest, but during the time I worked I was offered credit cards and took them foolishly thinking I could repay. I'd finished uni with overdrafts of almost 3k too.

Well over the past 5 years or so the debt spiralled some in my name, some his and some joint. I was robbing Peter to pay Paul using credit to repay credit.

Hubby found out about some payday loans (repaid in full each month) that I'd taken out. He hit the roof and I was too worried to admit the full truth as he very nearly left me at that time.

Well for various reasons the past six months have led me to consider leaving him and in whet I can only assume is preparation, for the first time in his life he got a copy of his credit report and worked out his total debt is 25k. Of which 12k he didn't know about to the full extent

He now hates me and wants to divorce. He's threatened to go to the police and tell them I applied for all this debt in his name behind his back as he believes this will get me sent to prison which he says I deserve. We have a 1 year old and 6 year old and I'm a full time mum and he knows it would destroy me.

I should add that we are on a dmp and he had a pay rise to 27k so we are no longer struggling or relying on credit. So we have been able to pay back 500 a month

All the accounts are defaulted and our credit ratings destroyed which is also why he hates me

The house is in his name so he can easily kick me out

I feel so low and my kids are the only thing keeping me going right now

He says he had no idea we were struggling even though he knows what he earns and what we spend he just said because I said we had the money he believed it even though realistically if he thought about it then he'd have noticed

Kitten868

I think the most important thing to focus on right now is do you love him? Do you want to try to make it work? If not then start contacting people to find out what help your entitled to with housing and benefits.
I think a massive olive branch if you did want to give things a try or if you are leaving is to get a part time job.
Are you in a joint dmp as you have no income then?

It will get easier x

Legalblond

Yes I still love him but I wonder if he loves me after this.

We were splitting up because he refused to give up his drinking nights out and spend time with me and the kids, he does literally nothing for or with the kids. No exaggeration, he last changed a nappy 3 months ago and that was because I was in hospital.

I would have been willing to try and fix it but I think the debt is too much and he won't want to, as he was already saying I was mental for leaving because he denies that he does nothing with the kids and he sees nothing wrong with his nights out (I should add they are v regular and I don't know where he is or who with, or where he is for 2+ hours after closing and he ignores my calls)

He is now completely ignoring me. He will no doubt say it's all my fault and wipe out everything he has done.

Yes I set up a joint dmp as I have no income.

I did work at times on a temporary basis so I have paid a little into it

The only job I could get would be a night job as he works but given that he has never put the kids to bed or got up in the night I think he'd ask me not to. The youngest is only 1 so I wouldn't be able to sleep in the day either and I'd have school runs

Bobarella

Really sorry that things are so hard. I wonder whether Stepchange or one of the debt charities would be a good place to start?

dancingfairy

Ultimately you need to decide whether it's shock talking or whether he's serious. ( although even if it's shock and he's normally lovely his language and attitude are appalling).
Do you see a future in this relationship?
Please be assured you and your kids can and will survive ( and thrive) if you choose to leave him. Yes it will undoubtedly be hard at times but will it be any worse than where you are right now?
If you choose to leave no doubt you would get help with rent, council tax and other benefits. You can do it.
Do you have anyone you can talk to about this? A close friend? A sibling? Parents?
I'm not saying you should leave but if you want to you will find that fire and determination within you and will be successful no matter what. You don't always know what you are capable of.
If you choose to stay what needs to change to make things work?
Obviously you don't have to answer any of these questions in public but some things to think about.
Good luck
Df

elsien

You refer to him as hubby, so you're married? In which case regardless of whose name the house is in, he cannot just kick you out.
Maybe you need to start by checking what your rights are in this situation if either of you do want to separate.

Legalblond

Thank you, definitely food for thought

Yes we are married 8 years now. I registered home rights on the house but he refuses to leave as he has nowhere to go, no family or friends to go to

I wouldn't be able to stay as apparently you can't claim housing benefit on a former marital home