Secret Debt - I want to tell my boyfriend

Kaymarie0

First, I'll give a little back story. I'm Kay and I'm 26, graduated university in 2012, got my first credit card and everything went downhill!

I live with my boyfriend of four years, and we live in the house he owns. He pays the mortgage and I contribute towards the bills.

Unfortunatelty I have had some problems with work over the last few years and have been making up for that by using plastic. Add on a bit of a spending problem and I'm in a right pickle.

I feel absolutely awful for it, i hate that I have not told him and I'm sick of worrying about how to get everything paid off. I'm scared that he'll leave me if I tell him (he is excellent with money), and scared that he will never trust me again.

I do think the time has come to tell him though, not because I want him to help, but because I think he needs to understand why I don't have any money, savings or why I can't save towards a holiday he wants to take.

I'm so scared.

Debts are as follows:

£2137 - Credit Card (£37 over limit, no missed payments)
£1,189 - Credit Card (Limit is £1200 so its super close)
£2269 - Very Online Store Credit Thing (under limit)
£511 - Credit Card (£11 over limit)

Chazz.Collins

Firstly I think you're being very brave in confronting the issue.

I would sit down with your boyfriend, make a cuppa, and just lay out the whole thing like you have for us.
Explain that you're scared that you think he may not trust you. But you also haven't said that you've borrowed money from him (am assuming you haven't), and that's great, because he won't feel like you're using him for money.
Then say you want his advice, as he's so good with money, and see if he can show you how to put in some measures to help curb your spending.

You want to go on holidays and things together, but you want to make a dent in this first, and I think that's a very good attitude.

I wish you all the luck!

megaginge

How much per month are you having to pay just to satisfy interest charges

How much per month could you repay of what you owe, if those were not an issue?

Whilst YOU can't get a 0% card with your credit history, perhaps he could help you. A 0% card or small remortgage.

That would depend on if you would then have the ability to pay that back over installments. You did end up in this situation in the first place.

I imagine he'd need to suggest the above also. If you ask him, that could certainly be taken poorly.

I'm sure he'll want to know why in 4 years you've not told him about this before now. Why haven't you ?

What's the work situation now and in the short term?

In my opinion... Your biggest issues are two-fold: The behaviour that led you to knowingly overspend, "ignore the problem" and so on. Especially putting so much money on a VERY expensive store card which his the biggest mistake you've made ...
And two.. how much you can repay and how.

I got myself into >25k of debt at one point, now sorted - so do understand your situation ..

Gazzafatcityboy

Hi there…

I didn’t want to read and run as I have been in a similar situation myself.

I had a lot of debt, around about 20k ish and there were some questions she couldn’t answer. I was struggling with some of our payments. We moved in together.

Now I am very lucky that after everything came out that she loved me enough that she could deal with the issues. Its not her debt and I never borrowed money off her.

You have to be honest with him, he will appreciate that more. I would also suggest that you have some plan to pay back these debts. This will give him some confidence that you realise what you have don’t wrong and you have changed your ways.

Good luck

Gaz

andyfromotley

I think a conversation along the lines of
'Hey babes, i hve just totted up my debt and realised that i am spending more than i earn. You however are fabulous with money, please show me how to do that'

should do the trick.

Kaymarie0

Firstly, thank you for your replies. I guess the reason I hadn't told him was because I was ashamed and worried to ask for help (so instead of asking if I could pay less housekeep or borrow a small amount of money I just used a card).

I did tell him, and he was upset that I hadn't told him and a bit cross.

We made a plan together, he won't be paying it off for me (of course I wasn't asking him that!) but he's helped me make a plan.

-We've reduced the money I pay him towards bills for now so I can have an extra £100 a month towards debt payments
- We're going to alternate who pays for food each week so again I'll have an extra £80ish a month towards debt.
- That will go straight on paying off Very which is high interest
- We're going to start Ebaying things at the weekend. I think I can sell a bunch of things I no longer need/want and raise an extra few hundred.

Aside from that, we're going to work towards being sensible with our money together and write a fresh budget for the month ahead on payday.

i feel so relieved that he knows, it was worth the crying and I'm so sad I didn't tell him earlier

tealady

Hi Kaymarie
You did the right thing in telling him. Now don't beat yourself up any more, its a problem, you are a couple, so you should solve it together.
If you want advice about how to eat well on little money then there is loads of advice on this site.
BTW if you have more than one card make sure you pay the one with the highest interest rate 1st (make minimum payments to the rest)
HTH