Advice to parents paying by direct pay

ajp2009

Hi this may or may not be useful to NRP's paying by direct pay but thought i'd post it just in case it can help anyone.
I have recently made my first direct pay payment and realised that my ex partners name showed up on my bank statement which is a bit of a kick in the teeth to my wife who often deals with our banking etc.I rang the bank and was informed that i could change the recipients name from my ex partners name to cm payment or anything i wanted as only the sort code and account were important for sending the payment and not the recipients name. Many people may not be aware they can do this and in our case its saved a lot of upset as seeing her name is a constant reminder of my past.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow

Why is the fact that you pay child maintenance a kick in the teeth to your wife?

marliepanda

Seems weird your ex's name would be a 'constant reminder of the past' I assume you see your child, look after them, be their dad? Your child isn't your past, they are your present and your future...

Each to their own I suppose

HappyMJ

Why would your current wife be upset about your past?

We all have a past. If I were your wife I would be proud of the fact you are contributing to your children's upbringing. Seeing your ex's name on the bank statement wouldn't bother me one bit.

If you're so worried about it then pay the child maintenance from an account held in your own name and pay just the joint bills from the joint account transferring some of your salary from the joint account to your personal account. Your wife won't then see what the money is for and to who it's being used to support.

3wisemonks

May not be the case here but its a possibility......

My DH was walked out on, 9 months later we met his ex found out and went bats***t crazy. He went from 50/50 care to only weekends then nothing. She was arrested and charged for assaulting me and criminal damage. Stalked us, abused us in the street and at work for 3+years. Died down when she got a bf but when they broke up would start again this went on for 5 years also withdrawing contact or threatening to if we didn't bow down. It was a very difficult time and I still find it difficult. I couldn't leave the house alone I only worked with family because they could protect me if she came. DH child is wonderful and worth the difficulties but I couldn't hear the woman's name without being sick from fear. It broke me so totally that 3 years on from her last round of abuse I still can't see or hear the name without my stomach flipping. It's a common name unfortunately and I cannot say it still, I avoid movies and books with that name otherwise the fear and dread is just too much.

Sometimes not everything is black and white.

ajp2009

thanks for all the comments and wise is correct to be honest not everything is black and white and making assumptions when you don't know the exact facts is pretty rotten to be honest. There are serious reasons why it is a constant reminder of my past and a forum is not the type of place where I need to make it public knowledge.

Sometimes relationships break up due to many reasons such as domestic violence,violence towards the new partner and debt etc and in some cases its not the biological fathers fault so therefore it is a constant reminder of the past isn't it !!

The reason i started the thread was to try and help others who could be in a similar situation and my intention was never to offend anyone.

And thank you threewisemonks for showing some understanding because sometimes things aren't black and white