first-timer, please help!

felicitous

I think this moment is probably one of my scariest to date. My husband and I have been hopeless with money for as long as I can remember (15 years) and have generally, over the years, re-mortgaged to pay off debts with the promise each time that it won't happen again. My partner has a very 'head in the sand' attitiude and I have always carried the financial weight (albeit badly). We have 3 children (4yr old twins just started school and a 6 yr old) and I am a stay-at-home mum. My partner earns £34k/annum with additional bonus. I always try and budget but fail abismally. We overspend every month and currently have about £8500 debt. We moved last year and in doing so now have an interest only mortgage as we can't afford to pay more than that. I am happy to go to work now all the children are at school but don't see how I can cover school holidays/out of school childcare costs for 3 kids. My partner works irregular hours and shifts so it is hard for me to commit to a regular evening /weekend job.

State of Affairs(monthly)
In
Salary in £2190
Child benefit in £163
(we qualify for minimum child tax credit but due to their overpayment to us in the past we do not receive any payment as it is going in the pot back to them).

Out
Mortgage £824
Build/cont ins £41
Council tax £106
Water £79 (but just about to chnage to meter in hope of lowering cost)
Gas £59 (in process of switching to cheaper provider)
Elec £56 (as above)
Phone/Broadband £25
Mobiles £10
Life insurance £49
Car Ins (for 2 cars) £40
Tax £30
Parking £10
Petrol £190
Food/drinks £525
Xmas/B'days £80
Clothes/shoes £50
Credit Card £100
Car/house maintenance £65

I've used the budget planner and basically my total outgoing costs covering all the areas listed totals £2530. This is £180 more than what comes in and I don't know how to reduce it further. I know I can reduce clothes/shoes but am also realistic about clothes/shoes for 3 children.

Debts

£4000 on 0% credit card (just swapping from M&S 0% purchases to RBS 0% balance transfer)
£4000 overdraft on Lloyds account 12.3% AER (also pay £15 monthly fee on this account)
£370 John Lewis store card 16.9% APR

I feel sick with worry, not only are we not survivng on my husbands salary and therefore overspending monthly, our debts are mounting by the day. I feel we are nearly at crisis point and I don't know what to do. My husband doesn't really think 'it's that bad' but it is and I feel very alone. Any thoughts about what I should do next would be greatly appreciated.

Many thanks

brummiebabe

felicitous wrote: »

State of Affairs(monthly)
In
Salary in £2190
Child benefit in £163
(we qualify for minimum child tax credit but due to their overpayment to us in the past we do not receive any payment as it is going in the pot back to them).

Out
Mortgage £824
Build/cont ins £41 - this seems high...we pay £25 p/m
Council tax £106
Water £79 (but just about to chnage to meter in hope of lowering cost)
Gas £59 (in process of switching to cheaper provider)
Elec £56 (as above)
Phone/Broadband £25
Mobiles £10
Life insurance £49 - this is also very high..how much cover have you got for that price?
Car Ins (for 2 cars) £40
Tax £30
Parking £10
Petrol £190
Food/drinks £525 - this is very high!! You could really cut this down....head over to the Old Style Board & join their 'grocery challenge!!'
Xmas/B'days £80 - any chance of cutting this back? I know it's hard though with 3 kids!!
Clothes/shoes £50
Credit Card £100
Car/house maintenance £65

I've used the budget planner and basically my total outgoing costs covering all the areas listed totals £2530. This is £180 more than what comes in and I don't know how to reduce it further. I know I can reduce clothes/shoes but am also realistic about clothes/shoes for 3 children.

Debts

£4000 on 0% credit card (just swapping from M&S 0% purchases to RBS 0% balance transfer)
£4000 overdraft on Lloyds account 12.3% AER (also pay £15 monthly fee on this account)
£370 John Lewis store card 16.9% APR - if you can't transfer this to 0%, you should probably focus on paying this off first!!

I feel sick with worry, not only are we not survivng on my husbands salary and therefore overspending monthly, our debts are mounting by the day. I feel we are nearly at crisis point and I don't know what to do. My husband doesn't really think 'it's that bad' but it is and I feel very alone. Any thoughts about what I should do next would be greatly appreciated.

Many thanks

Hi there - well done for posting! You'll find everyone on here to be very supportive!!

This can be done - there are many things you can quite easily shop around for/cut back on to even up the shortfall.

I've got 3 children aswell (7, 4 & 10 months)..even with nappies, formula etc..I spend around £400 p/m!! The grocery challenge is great fun & really makes you look at your spending!!!!

I've put my 1st thoughts, I'm sure there'll be loads more help coming along shortly!!

Best of luck x

sweetpeas_2

well done, felicitous for posting on here. its the first step in getting ur finances in order, and it is the single best financial decision i have made in my life.
the outgoings you have posted on there are really very high. the costs on there for things like clothes/shoes= £50, cmas/birthdays= £80, food= £525, these are the things i would work at reducing.
i have 2 children myself and i know the pressure you are under to get loads of presents for them. but, £80 a month towards christmas and birthday presents is ALOT. i put £20 a month away jan-oct and have £200 to spend on cmas pressies. me and oh both have large familes and i do manages to get everyones gifts from this. infact this year i am trying to majourly cut cmas spends even more by making alot of presents myself-so far im doing quite well with this... :rolleyes:
as for birthdays i think around £50 for each child while they re relatively young is probably realistic to what i spend. i dont think they need 100's and 100's each time, cos they get alot of stuff for birthdays/cmas as it is.

birthdays i put away £25 for the 2 paydays before each of their birthdays. food i try to stick to £50/wk, this includes clothing bits etc unless its something big needed.

i hope this is of some help to you, cos by your incomings and outgoings that you gave it looks like you could cut back by a few hundred each month easily if you budgeted for it.
its become a way of life for me, its just something i have to constantly do so im used to it now!

hope this helps a bit, if not someone else will be along soon!!!


noggin x

Adrasteia01

It looks to me like you really need to be earning more money. Is there a chance you could find a part time job - mornings only, for instance. That way you could be home when the kids finish school (not sure what time kids finish school at that age though - in Australia where I'm from all kids finish at 3pm).

Your mortgage is extremely expensive considering that you're only paying the interest on it.

You could cut down a great deal on your grocery shopping. Have a look at the old style board for ways of saving money on food. You could try things like shopping at the cheaper supermarkets (iceland, aldi, lidl etc) or buying cheaper food - like pasta that will feed the family cheaply or the cheaper ranges of food from a standard supermarket. Also, you could try stand alone fruitshops for buying your fruit and veg. Pigsback is good for coupons, and if you buy things and freeze them when they're on sale or reduced down, it can save you a bit of money. I'd say you could knock 200 off the cost of your food bill a month.

Also, if you don't already your husband could take lunches with him to save money, or eat at a subsidised canteen if his workplace has one. My husband wouldn't willingly take lunch with him, but it would save a great deal of money.

£80 a month on xmas and birthdays is also a lot of money - more than you really need to spend imo (I'd spend about £15 a month). My suggestion is since you have time off work, have a look around the shops and in sales when they're on to put aside some things for xmas. It usually costs more to buy gifts at the last minute, and a little planning can save you some cash.

Your water cost is very high. There's a website where you can estimate how much it would cost you a year (either less or more) with a water meter. Unfortunately I don't have the url, but someone else may be able to supply it?

£50 a month on clothes and shoes is also a fair bit. See if you and the kids can make do with what you have for a while. When birthdays come around, why not suggest to relatives that they give you a voucher for a clothes shop or buy you something in particular that you need, to save you getting it yourself?

You could earn some points towards vouchers for xmas from sites like pigsback.com. You also may be able to get money back by changing suppliers or buying items through quidco.co.uk. I can't use it because I'm in the ROI but it's got a very good reputation.

Your petrol costs are also very high (or your husband's?) Is there any way to cut down on these and perhaps use public transport more instead? I don't drive and walk and use public transport everywhere, but I don't have kids and I can see how a car would be very useful.

Also, if you want to save a little bit of money in food in the short term, you could try living off the food that you have for a while and only buying in what you really need or more when you need it. It would reduce your food bills down for a while.

Tamara

Jacks_xxx

:wave: Hiya honeybun,

I've got a head in the sand hubby - it's tricky huh?

Having said that, there's plenty you can do single handedly (I did to begin with.)

First of all have a play with the snowballing tool to get a realistic picture of where you are financially.
http://www.whatsthecost.com/snowball.aspx

Second, have a look at the Moneysaving Old Style Board - particularly the Grocery Challenges for ideas on how to spend less in Tescos!
http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/forumdisplay.html?f=33

And...a tough one I know...but think about selling one of your cars.

Is your face doing this :eek: now??? Sorry hon, but it would definitely help.

Selling mine was one of the biggest single contributors to our situation improving as it provided a little chunk of cash to throw at a debt and cut down on the monthly outgoings as well.

Love Jacks xxx

felicitous

Thanks for such speedy responses.
I know my Xmas/b'day costs looks huge but that does include birthday and Christmas gifts for a further 12 children and 16 adults (not including my kids and hubby). I was just trying to be realistic but completely take on board that this is an immediate area to cut back.
I'll definitely re-address the food although it seems that my nearest lidl/aldi is about 10 miles away.
Thanks again, I feel mightily embarrassed about all of this but there is a sense of relief in sharing it.

luckymum_3

hi :hello: and welcome...

Jacks_xxx

Don't be embarrassed honey - we've all been there. :rolleyes:

I think you can make just a few tweaks and cutbacks and get this under control hon. Obviously the more tweaks you make the faster you can get it sorted!

Love Jacks xxx

sweetpeas_2

i really wouldnt feel embarrassed felici, everyone is on here because they have, or have had previously, some sort of financial problems of some sort.
everyones situation is very different but they are all here for help and support and to help and support other people. so dont be embarrassed, were all in the same boat!
me and oh have large familes but i draw the line when it comes to buying for alot of people. i buy for my kids, sister/her partner, both mums and dads, oh brother and sister, grandparents on both sides, my little cousin, my cousins kids (and they literally get £5 each), and oh cousins (only tots so £5-10 again)and our best friends (luckilly they dont have kids yet). these are the only people i buy for as we could go on forever buying for extended family but it would get out of hand.
can you not suggest to your family that you ALL (not just you, so not like youre being a scrooge) that meanings as cmas is for the kids u all just buy for each others kids from now on?
just explain to them that meanings as the family keeps growing with new babies its getting out of hand at cmas and can you all just buy for kids from now on? thats all i did, and they all agreed. its worth a try. thing is when youve done something like this for years its difficult when you want to stop. but i managed to cut right back and blamed all the new babies!!! for instance, my cousin and her oh have 3 kids, so if i buy for their h/h and spend £10 on each of them thats £50 just on them! and i only see them 2/3 a year! so we now spend around £5 each on each others kids. alot more realistic.
just trying to think in terms of short term savings for you here, with christmas being quite close :eek:
i am making a load of presents this year and for the people i cant think of anything for im getting kids to make stuff-biscuits which you can take round in a nice basket christmas eve while they are still fresh, mmm, side tracking a bit...! , and also they will be making calendars which i put a photo of them on and a little calendar thing then get them to glitter and draw on-cost pence and everyone loves them. plus they last a full year instead of being gone straight away! (a company called baker ross do the calendar making sets in batches and they are mega cheap, more you buy cheaper they are) and whsmiths do the little date pad things.

just some ideas to reduce you cmas/birthday budgets each month. you could hen leave that money in the bank to cover bills.

hope this helps!

noggin x

In_Search_Of_Me

Just wanted to send a hug! We ARE pretty much all there with you & the great thing about the site is that we can al support each other with the up's & downs of living with debt. Hang in there & get to know the site, cut down and you'll be well on the way! Is there rubbish you can ebay/car boot; what about a p/t job around schoo hours or a job in teh night while your OH is at home babysitting? Just a thought - I know people like Tesco do night shifts & some hospitals have auxillarys etc...I know these jobs are hard to come by but it's worth a try! This site has been life changin for me and while it was with despair at times so much has changed in the last year for me & simply by starting to tackle my debts! So well done on taking the first, and hardest, step.

NEWLIFE_WANNABE

Hi there,
I too am a newbie but haven't been brave enough to post my debt as yet, so well done.

Along with the other tips people have given you I think your house and life insurance payments are quite high. Maybe worth looking at these online and getting some comparison quotes. Might only save a bit but it all adds up. Churchill are good for the building and contents and I saved a load with them and Norwich Union for life insurance. Good luck