How has my mental health affected my life and my finances

Awakeatlast

I'm tired. Exhausted. Mentally and emotionally. I can't say I'm numb. It feels worse than that. I just feel completely overwhelmed. I have some good days. But they are becoming less common of late.

And I really have no idea where to start. I've had prolonged issues with my mental health. Prolonged? That's perhaps not a robust way to describe the timelines involved. And when I say 40 years it just doesn't explain what I've been through. I have no idea how to describe what I have had to cope with over that time. My life reads like a script from Coronation Street. I suspect if I wrote it all down even the producers at Coronation Street would reject it as being just unbelievable.

I'm struggling to go any further tonight.

jan875

So Sorry to see that you are feeling so low. Is there someone you can talk to? A friend or family member etc? I used the Samaritans several years ago when I was in a similar position. I found them hugely helpful. I wish you the very best.

chevalier

I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling so much. I don't know if t will help but here is the link to the PDF that Martin Lewis wrote about debt and mental health

http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/credit-cards/mental-health-guide?_ga=1.181953892.276270032.1389176399

Perhaps it will offer you some place to start? Also I have heard really good things about Christians Against Poverty (you don't have to be religious to use their service). The difference between them and other debt help organisations is that they will come to your house and talk things through with you.

https://capuk.org/

I wish you the very best of luck
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Sazzie23

Hi awake

Thanks for joining us, it's hard to reach out but you've made a start.

Why not tell us about your financial situation first, might be slightly less emotional than trying to relive the last 40 years. Perhaps we can help, perhaps not, but we can share experiences.

I've learnt that for every person posting. Here there are perhaps 100 who don't have the confidence to post. Your post will be helping someone today.

Saz

National_Debtline

Hi

Welcome to the forum. It's a great start that you've registered on here and reached out for help. There is already some good advice from the others.

If you want to discuss your mental health issues I believe Mind and Rethink are good organisations to contact.

www.mind.org.uk

www.rethink.org

For advice on financial problems I'm sure you'll get lots of support and suggestions if you write about them here. Just take it one step at a time. I think it would be very useful for you to contact one of the free debt advice charities to discuss your situation overall. You're welcome to call National Debtline on 0808 808 4000. There's always a way to deal with debts one way or the other.

James
@natdebtline

Awakeatlast

Thank you.


I am struggling to come to terms with much.

• Debt
• Separation from my partner of 28 years
• Loneliness

Staggeringly overwhelming.


I have often referred to the four pillars of life as

1. Having work
2. Good health
3. Friends & family
4. A stable relationship

Whilst my health has been inconsistant so have I. Now I have some consistancy to my health I find myself without my dearest partner and I haven't a friend to speak of. I have a small family. My nearest living relative is my Mum. My only sibling my sister lives in Australia. And my Dad passed away in 1990.

I'm stuck in no mans land and I don't feel I have the strength to sort out the problems I have.

I'm not entirely convinced it was worth getting well. I take over 400 tablets a month to manage my symptoms and a referral to The Royal Brompton for a polysomnograph should give me some hope of reducing my reliance on medication, albeit not entirely.

I've had to pick myself proverbial self up off the floor so many time because of my illness. I just don't have the strength to do it anymore.

I would like to dela with my problems in my time. I have only been as well as I am since February this year. I know I have to sort it all out. It all seems quite interwoven. One bit seems inextricably linked to others.

And everyone wants me to do it in their time. Which I really struggle with.

Aal

dancingfairy

It's unrealistic to expect everything to change overnight. What you can do is start taking small, baby steps in the right direction.
What can you do tomorrow re your debts? Maybe you could put all your papers in a pile, or maybe call a debt charity, maybe going for a walk and leaving your purse or wallet at home. Take small steps.
Df

Awakeatlast

Hi Dancing,

I'm reasonably sure I am not expecting everything to change overnight. Although I would like it all to disappear over night. Which probably amounts to the same thing I suppose.

I have sat down many many times to try and resolve "stuff". Only to find that I have slipped backwards with my health. It has been a very slow but very sure process of descending into hell. And no one seems to understand how prolonged my problems have been. Most people seem to think that if you have depression you get some anti-depressants and hey whiz the worlds good again.

Last October I went into my internet bank account. And trust me that took some strength. I simply avoid anything and everything. I cannot open my mail. When I got into my account I arranged a standing order electronically. It took me about ten minutes.

When I had finished I broke down and cried. I had tried to complete so many forms online for various stuff over the years and had simply been unable. Completing a simple form online became a hurdle I was unable to clear. And I tried. I kept trying. In the end I gave up. The frustration usually caused great angst.

It is highly likely that I have a circadian sleep disorder. This means I don't fall asleep or maintain a deep sleep until about 4-5am. As I have aged the condition seems to have become more prevalent. The sleep deprivation that I had to cope with was, to say the least, very disturbing. I became very unsociable. I was more than irritable. And nothing I did seemed to bring any relief from my symptoms. I have probably visited my GP over 150 times in the last 15 years. In February and March 2014 I visited her no less than 20 times. I had to go to the surgery in a morning and wait for them to open to book an on the day appointment. Otherwise I would not have been able to see her for at least 6 weeks. There were no other GP's in the practice who I had any faith in as they had all missed opportunities to diagnose depression before I tried my last GP.

I'd like to ask you to imagine something for me please. I want you to imagine that I ask you to go to sleep at 11 am in the morning and to sleep until 2 pm. Thus giving you 3 hours sleep. However, because you are sleeping during your "day time" the sleep you get will not be truly restorative. And you will only get three hours. Now I want you to imagine you have to go to work for the rest of the day and work through until 3 am the next morning. Then come home and have your tea and watch some TV before going to bed again at 11 am and sleeping through to 2 pm. I'd like to suggest that after a week you would be feeling a little tired.

And now, well now I want you to imagine you have to do that for 40 years.

My illness has become part of my personality. And it's not a good part for the most.

I have tried to beat it. On two occasions my GP has told me she doubted I would ever really work again. I refused to accept her prognosis. I have only asked her for one thing. Get me fit for work. I have never claimed any benefits.

My ex partner suffered to. Much to my shame I wasn't a particularly nice or kind person.

I am trying to build up the stamina to start opening my mail this weekend. I have managed to do it twice in the past. I get all my mail in a big pile and open all the seams but don't take the letters out. Then I sit with some wine and when I have had enough to drink I open my mail. The downside to my tactic is I often cannot get through it all before the alcohol wipes me out.

I don't drink much. I used to. And recently I have managed to loose 20 lbs which has helped me feel a little more alert. This seems to coincide with the latest medication I am using which I have acquired from (hopefully) a reputable source in the Far East. This costs nearly £100/month. Not that I begrudge a penny of it. But it does feel as if the NHS have ultimately not been there for me. So many opportunities missed. And that's been at my expense and of course my beloved ex-partner.

I try not to feel bitter. I'm human though and I do think I may be feeling something similar currently.

Aal

KirstyO

Hi there,


Well done for opening up on here. I've found in the past that it is easier to open up to strangers on a screen than someone close in real life. There is no expectation, and although people will form opinions, the majority on here are friendly, supportive and helpful. The board moderators/guides/admin are very good at cleaning up things that aren't nice or not suitable for a forum like this. You will be welcome to share whatever you need to here.


I can't offer anything new other than what has already been said. Seek professional help, take small steps to tackle the bigger issues, and don't try and tackle everything at once.


I would recommend a debt charity, they at least might be able to help you put the brakes on the debt situation getting any worse. They can negotiate with lenders to stop further fees and interest being added to your debts. it's never guaranteed, but once they are fighting your corner for you, there is no need for you to speak to the lenders directly, the charity can do it all on your behalf.


Maybe, when you feel you can, take a different approach to opening your mail. Instead of feeling like you have to do something with a massive pile, just pick one letter, maybe there is one that doesn't look as bad as the others. Just open that one letter, and don't put pressure on yourself to follow it up or do anything with it straight away. See what it says, put it down and walk away. I can't talk because I've always had anxiety issues, so I know I would worry about what it said. But if you pick an older letter, the contents are likely to be out of date already, so that might help you to worry a little less about it. As you feel able to open more, still don't necessarily do anything with them, but do put them in date order, most recent at the top. If you're being looked after by a debt charity by this point you don't even have to think about what you will do with the letters (might I suggest creative origami, or a very warm fire?) because the stress of what is inside will have been taken away from you. You could throw them away without opening them if the people looking after your debt management have all of the info they need, or you could try sending the lot onto the debt charity you choose, but I would argue against that. Opening a letter addressed to you, when you are not affected by debt issues or mental health issues, is a normal thing to do, and where possible I personally found it restorative to try and do normal things, even if it was only once every now and again, it boosted me when I felt I could open a letter the same day that it arrived. Someone writes to you because they want to communicate with you. It's only an issue if you are dreading what is inside. If you have no need to dread what is inside, what is the harm in opening the envelope?


I'm sorry if I've rambled, but you've taken so much care and time to open up here that you deserve some considered responses. I hope you get the progress you'd like, and I hope that being here will help the haze start to clear and for things to be as they should be.


Hang in there,


K

chevalier

I am so sorry that you have suffered so much over the years. Whilst I have not had your sleep problems, I have had depression, and the quick fix thing is very frustrating to me. It took me 5 nearly 6 years before I felt strong enough to give up the medication. And even now if I am honest, I am unsure whether I am truely over it. Some days are very hard still.

As regards your envelope issues, you could possibly try a different tack. If you sign up to Experien, or Noddle (noddle is free), then these will show you how much you owe and who owns the debts now (it maybe that some debts have been on sold). You could then at least see which envelopes AREN'T to do with debts and open those.

My only worry for you would be if you are falling behind with council tax as that can be very difficult to get back on track with. So please at least try and open the envelopes from the council.

I refer you again to Christians Against Poverty, at https://capuk.org/. Because they come and talk to you, they could probably help you with the stress of opening the letters and putting them in order.

I really hope that your improving health can help you start getting better at other areas.

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