Neighbour control over what's in our garden ?

k3lvc

Don't know whether this should go in here or in a more ranty forum but here goes.

Just arrived back from morning out to find wife inside rather than in garden after a run in with neighbour. He apparently doesn't like our garden and every time she's out working on it he pops out to share his views. Today's issue is a small lilac bush rescued 2yrs ago from wife's Grandmothers garden after her death and planted in centre of a 1m wide border. Currently 80cm high but neighbour wants it moved in case it encroaches into his garden.

When we moved in 7yrs ago we removed 20ft leylandi from 3 sides of house (which was almost derelict) and replaced with wall in keeping with conservation area. At the time we offered to replace his (old) timber fence with wall but he refused. Now all we seem to get is moans about things that he can see from the (small) side window he can see out of when he's on the sofa. Anything that gets close to overhanging/encroaching is pruned/controlled by us

Part of me wants to go round and 'discuss' face to face, part of me to just build the wall but on our side of the fence - he'll the lose any view from his window (the area there has a lower fence panel) and the rest of me just wants to leave as is.

We're good, considerate neighbours in a 'nice' area but shouldn't have to put up with Meldrew behaviour from our neighbour

Suggestions please (that don't involve me spraying rude words on his lawn :rotfl:)

REEN

Just yesterday I was looking at garden privacy screens on Pinterest. There are some lovely ideas. Would one of these block his view? It would be cheaper than a wall and completely on your side of the fence.

baza52

3,600 dandelion seeds thrown over his garden

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/SW-Dandelion-SEEDS-3g-tortoise-reptile-3-600-seeds-WOW-/191844546166?hash=item2caad37676:m:mRosIfcJSY9qt6pnbjMfydg

Mojisola

Reen wrote: »

Just yesterday I was looking at garden privacy screens on Pinterest. There are some lovely ideas. Would one of these block his view? It would be cheaper than a wall and completely on your side of the fence.

Agree - 2m high screen on your side of his fence - don't use his fence for support.

He doesn't have any control over where you put plants in your garden. He can cut back to the boundary anything that grows over it - if you don't want your plants hacked about, it's worth thinking about doing the pruning yourself.

bouicca21

When I moved into my last house we removed 33 (really!) leylandii from the garden boundaries. Fortunately they weren't massive - only about 10 years old. They made the garden look very formal and some visitors liked that. But no flowers grew and no birds visited.

We didn't tell the neighbours we were going to do it because we were totally determined to get rid and thought they might argue in favour of the trees and privacy. I have never seen neighbours so grateful! They hated them as much as we did. But being nice people it would never have occurred to them to tell the previous owners what they could and could not grow.

Your neighbour has too much time on his hands. I'd usually say that good relations with neighbours are worth investing in but in this case the man seems to be totally unreasonable and I doubt it is possible to keep him happy. If you have a choice between being on good terms with him and enjoying a lilac that reminds you of someone dear, I'd choose the lilac every time. I have a peony that I cherish for a similar reason (plus it's glorious when in flower) - I've managed to transplant it successfully every time I've moved house. No way would I listen to anyone who wanted me to remove it.

I_have_spoken

Good fences make good neighbours.

If the wee wifey feels threatened when alone, no harm in calling the wooden tops on their non-emergency number.

glasgowdan

You NEED to say a few firm words. It'll only need done once and he'll shut up through embarrassment. Next time he says something tell him to stop, that he's got no damn right and you'll keep your garden however ypu please. Make sure you say you want him to leave you both alone.

atrixblue.-MFR-.

I would have a stern word, tell him that he wouldn't appreciate someone telling him how to manage his garden and what to plant in it and where so don't tell you or your wife how to manage your garden.


Some people are really possessive over boundary lines I wouldn't mess with his side of the boundary, infact just leave him to it, last thing you want is him getting offended you erected a wall 3cm from his fence and seeing a solicitor and kicking things off or him simply taking the fence down when the wall is built and gaining some of your land (which is probably what he is hoping for some more inches of garden).

Bananas123

maybe buy a little cctv camera, to make sure that no-one is ever tresspassing / vandalising your plants etc ? for future reference / evidence.

---

then enjoy your garden, also you tell your wife, that "you are in control of the garden matters", so then she can just tell your neighbour that she will "tell you", as not incharge (i.e. relay information so she doesn't have to deal with your neighbour).

just random ideas.

---

it sounds like your neigbour is using you / your garden, to project you with his problems, but IME, people who do like that, have a tendancy to over-react if you don't let them / may get upset afterwards.

if he is really bad, then don't engage as they always give you +1 back, i.e. if they have been in your garden, they are probably the ones to ring the police first if they get caugt, with some tall tale about how you have been violently harrassing them etc...

not to mention holding grudges.

it's sooooooooooo boring, so you have to be very clever and always remain the "parent" of the situation.

goodluck.

Davesnave

glasgowdan wrote: »

You NEED to say a few firm words. It'll only need done once and he'll shut up through embarrassment. Next time he says something tell him to stop, that he's got no damn right and you'll keep your garden however ypu please. Make sure you say you want him to leave you both alone.

This is the cheapest solution and it may work, but people with controlling behaviour usually find it difficult to control themselves.

No one's mentioned asking how your wife feels. While you might be confident enough to carry on gardening, disregarding this guy (silently) monitoring you, your wife may not enjoy the idea. In the end, some way of restricting his view might be the only way she is going to feel comfortable out there.

If you do build a wall or fence, just make sure you take plenty of photos to prove how the boundary lies now. You can always sustain the true boundary by filling the gap between his & yours with concrete.

lou-rose

I feel for you. My neighbour doesn't voice her opinion like yours, but likes to lean over my fence and trim my plants back as far as she can reach. If it were just to the boundary, I would have no problems with that, but when she starts messing with stuff on my side then it really winds me up. I don't want to start a war, so I'm just having to think up inventive ways of screening my garden that she can't reach. It's stressful and not what anyone needs when they are trying to relax in their garden. Back your wife up, ask her if she would like you to say something.

Something I had considered was just writing a polite note, asking them not to prune anything on this side of the fence, but I couldn't find a way of wording it that wouldn't wind them up. In your case, I would write down (time and date) everything he does that upsets you. Seeing it in writing may help you to look at his behaviour more objectively. If it looks like it may be classed as harrassment, consider speaking to a community support officer in your area or local police station for an informal chat.

Practically, I would screen off the window so he can't see in. I would possibly consider moving the tree, not to make him happy, but if he's anything like my neighbour then he'll start hacking bits off if it's within reach, and that will be heartbreaking for your wife to see. Possibly a small CCTV that watches your garden (not his or he could claim you are spying on him). Try and increase the fence height on your side with something, without giving him any extra garden if you can manage it.

Good luck