Stair Gate on LO's bedroom door?

cookiecrumbs

Hi

Just wanted to ask other's advice and experiences on this one. My LO is almost 3 and has been a pretty good sleeper up until now. This past couple of weeks she has been terrible, waking at around midnight and refusing to go back to sleep, screaming and crying and generally not wanting to be left alone. She is quite advanced speech wise and could easily tell us what's wrong but she doesn't seem to have any reason for the fact she's awake apart from saying "I want you mummy."

It started when she had an eye infection but this has cleared up now and the waking seems to have become a habit. She still has the sides on her cot but last night was so distressed she climbed out twice when I tried to leave her. Eventually my OH had to sleep on the floor in her room just so we could get some sleep.

I have had a virus for a week and am already feeling terrible plus I have a 5 month old baby still in a cot by my bed so this lack of sleep is feeling like the end of the world (although I know it's a phase that will pass it still feels pretty horrendous at 3am!!)

My feeling is that we should now take the sides off the cot as she can obviously get out on her own and I'm worried she might hurt herself. However, I can't see how we can stop her from coming into our room 100 times a night without putting a gate across her door.
I know she won't like it but I don't want her wandering about and waking everyone up, especially as I hope to put the baby in her own room in the next few weeks and don't want her going in there waking her up as well.

I should add that we did have some sleep issues with her at about 18 months and the only thing that worked was totally ignoring her tantrums (but then she couldn't get out of the cot and would eventually give in and lie down and go back to sleep.)

Has anyone else used a stair gate on the bedroom door? Did it work for you? Or do you have any other useful suggestions?!!

sooty&sweep

Hi
We took the sides off the cot when my daughter started climbing out.

I put a stair gate across her bedroom door & another across the top of the stairs & she'd climb over both of those too ! So I'd end up leaving them open because I was more worried she'd hurt herself falling over them !

A friend did suggest putting a second gate above the first so she couldn't get over but I didn't want her bedroom looking like a cage !

Sorry no useful suggestions

Jen xxx

Mrshaworth2b

I could have written this, my 3 year old has just had an ear infection so slept with me for the last week for comfort and also so I could keep an eye on his temp.

Now I have a really bad throat and generally feel rubbish, with a temp, he's gotten used to being with me that he cries at 11pm then gets up and comes in our room so my husband ends up in his. My 5 month old is going through a growth spurt so is up every 4hrs. So we're both being woken up.

My husband said about putting a gate on but in reality we won't want to sit there and hear him cry. Torn!

Corelli

How about another perspective on this. Your daughter needs you right now, for whatever reason, and is asking for you in the night.

Rather than imprisoning her in her own room, how about acknowledging her need and moving a mattress into your room next to your bed so she can get to you easily. If you can comfort her so she sleeps again that would be less disruptive to your own sleep than going to her in her room and dealing with her.

If she is forced into her room and learns not to call because no-one responds - I'm not saying you *are* doing this - she may learn to keep quiet but she is developing learned helplessness, not independence.

If she knows she can trust you to respond to her needs, she can move on to a healthy independence.

As a co-sleeping family, knowing other co-sleeping families, our experience is that children do desire their own space and move out of the family bedroom.

I do sympathise, those early sleep deprived years are not easy ones. Mind you, neither is staying awake worrying when they start clubbing

splishsplash

Why not just take the cot sides off, then when she wakes in the night, let her run into your room and snuggle into bed with you - she's happy, you sleep, everyone wins.

The image of an 18 month old imprisoned in a cot and left to cry herself to sleep is a bit harsh, isn't it? Maybe she's feeling anxious because she remembers feeling bereft and alone?

cookiecrumbs

Co-sleeping may well work well for some but it is not something I want to get into personally. If she was only waking up occasionally and there was something obvious wrong - ie. she had had a bad dream or she was ill then of course I would go to her and comfort her, I am not a monster!!

She is waking up for a long period of time, EVERY night. There is nothing physically wrong with her (I even took her to the doctor to confirm this.) In my opinion - and I obviously know her best - she is just doing it for attention.

It was on the advice of a member of our local paediatric heath team that we left her to cry it out last time - it was their opinion that by getting what she wanted every night - our attention - she continued to do it because she knew what the end result was going to be. It only took a few nights for it to stop completely and she showed absolutely no ill effects the following day - in fact sometimes she didn't even remember it. It was hard, not least because I was pregnant and hormonal and listening to her cry was horrible. But it worked.

I'm not after criticism of my parenting choices - as mothers surely you must realise what works for someone doesn't necessarily work for someone else, you do what you can to get by.

bylromarha

How about going for the middle ground? How does she respond to praise, rewards, sticker charts etc.

When you remove the sides, why not try a gradual withdrawal starting with someone sleeping on her floor, then the hall outside (or something similar) along with loads and loads of praise and stickers that build to a big treat?

Or buy her a toy who sometimes gets scared at night, who doesn't liked leaving the kids bedroom and needs lots of cuddles from her in bed to feel happy?

Have some hugs...these things are hard to think through when sleep deprived.

Parenting...the days are long but the years are short.

Jagraf

What is co-sleeping? My daughter is 17 now and only slept with me if she was ill. I've known kids sleep in their parents bed when they are 5/6/7 every night eek.

peachyprice

splishsplash wrote: »

Why not just take the cot sides off, then when she wakes in the night, let her run into your room and snuggle into bed with you - she's happy, you sleep, everyone wins.

The image of an 18 month old imprisoned in a cot and left to cry herself to sleep is a bit harsh, isn't it? Maybe she's feeling anxious because she remembers feeling bereft and alone?

Quite an assumption that everyone will be able to/will enjoy sleeping (or not) with a toddler in their bed.

meer53

Both my children were in toddler beds way before they were 3. Maybe try her in a bed rather than cot ?The change may help her.

If not, i'm with the "just go along with it" for now, it's not forever and it will allow you all to get some sleep.

Jagraf

splishsplash wrote: »

Why not just take the cot sides off, then when she wakes in the night, let her run into your room and snuggle into bed with you - she's happy, you sleep, everyone wins.

The image of an 18 month old imprisoned in a cot and left to cry herself to sleep is a bit harsh, isn't it? Maybe she's feeling anxious because she remembers feeling bereft and alone?

i don't get this sorry, but then mine are grown ups now. How fashions change over time.