Family of 5 - our meals have just got too complicated!

Spendless

I am potentially going into this issue. 2 days ago my 13yo went to school as a meat eater and came home saying she was now vegetarian. They had been shown a video on meat production in Geography and at least one other girl says she's not eating meat either. Currently since there's little in at the minute and payday isn't until tomorrow she's had to manage with what I've had in. Am not totally convinced she'll stick at it but following the thread with interest, just in case.

milasavesmoney

I raised six children (and some of their friends). I told them ' You get what you get and you don't throw a fit.'

I cooked on a tight budget. I listened to dinner suggestions and tried to see that they got incorporated at some point. Making a child feel like their voice is heard is healthy for the child. I also tried to make sure we had a well rounded selection. If the child only liked corn out of the food on the table then they could eat a lot of corn, or broccoli, or whatever. My children were limited to the amount of cereal they could eat in the morning. Most mornings I cooked a big breakfast also. (That makes me tired just thinking about it) I made sure they all took their vitamins.

I started the children helping at young ages. Even my two yr olds could take the napkins off the table and put the flatwear in the dishwasher. It was a well oiled machine. It had to be.

Make out your meal plan, take suggestions and that's what's for dinner. Just make sure there is something nutritious for everyone. Stirfry is one easy suggestion. You can make it for the veg eaters and then throw in ham or meat for the carnivores. Same with stews, curries etc. You are in charge. You are the mother. It's a very important task to teach your little ones to function within the family dynamic. You obviously adore them or you wouldn't be trying to please everyone. The thing is though...you can't. That's part of life.

suki1964

I too am from the like it or lump it generation. Mostly lumped it as mum was a rubbish cook and food was nowhere near as exciting as it is nowadays

When I first started to cook for my step kids I found I was near enough in tears as they were so fussy. DD would only eat that, DS would only eat the other - a nightmare. Until I went the like it or lump it route

Don't get me wrong, I didn't make a pile of food I knew they hated and tell them to eat it. I made the main component something they would eat, and add something they were being fussy about to it. We also introduced them to Chinese and Indian dishes where before they thought Chinese was just fried rice and gravy, so I made fried rice and gravy, made a duck dish, made a vegetable dish, they tried, found they liked. If they hadn't liked as least they had the fried rice and gravy to fill them up

At their mums they were used to saying "don't like that" leaving it and then filling up on crisps and biscuits. I took the crisps and biscuit option away from them. They had to sit and eat something.

in your situation I would choose to make veggie dishes which are sharing dishes, Lebanese/Indian /Chinese style. For example when I'm going a veggie night here I do a Dahl, a really mild highly flavoured aubergine dish,
Onion bhagees, flat breads and rice. Means everyone can eat something from it and walk away full. same with Chinese,,one or two dishes with noodles or rice, and everyone should be able to eat something.

I'm 52 now and I still have lump it meals. There's stuff I cook which I don't like still, but I cook it cos it's either good for you ( think green veg) and I eat it cos I know that, or it's something DH really likes like mince and potatoes( reminds me of school dinners ).

sushistar

Thanks for the various suggestions everyone, it's useful to see what other people have tried in similar circumstances.

spendless it's great you are allowing your daughter to make some choices about her diet, budget allowing. In my mind I do make a distinction between a decision to not eat meat from ethical reasons (which it sounds like your daughter is doing) rather than deciding not to eat green veg because you just don't like them! One issue I have with my veggie DC (who is younger than yours) is that they've decided to stop eating meat, but have not really accepted they need to eat plenty of green veg and beans / nuts / eggs etc to replace the iron and protein. We're working on it! If your daughter sticks with her decision it will probably save you money as meat is usually pretty dear compared to other protein sources.

My kids are already quite involved in helping with laying and clearing the table, and cooking (happy to cook things - doesn't mean they'll eat them!). But I think the best idea I've got from this thread so far - suggested by lots of people - is to involve them more in menu planning. I usually do this on my own or with DH, but I'll try getting them involved this weekend and see how it goes. Maybe if they know there is a meal they like coming up, they will be less upset when I serve a meal they don't like some nights.

Many posters have suggested just serving the food and letting them pick the bits they want. I'm not sure about that, as I think they would just eat plain bread and water rather than try, say, a veggie lasagne or a vegetarian cottage pie! That's the kind of dish I'd love to cook as a family meal but none of the DCs would touch it, and DH would want it with vegan cheese :undecided which makes it seem like a lot of hassle for, really, just me as the one person who'd actually wholeheartedly tuck in!

dreaming

sushistar wrote: »

They have to eat healthy food, (we don't let them just eat pizza!) but in wanting them to have a healthy diet maybe we're sometimes too willing to just fit their preferences.
QUOTE]


Pizza isn't necessarily unhealthy, and could actually be a good solution for you. I'm thinking individual pizza bases with a selection of meat/cheese/veg as per taste. Also if kids are involved in making them they often enjoy them even more. Similar with burgers - make your own either with meat (beef/pork/lamb to ring the changes) plus spices to taste (curry/chilli/Cajun) or make beanburgers, again adding spices to taste. Served with potato wedges and salad a good filling meal and not particularly unhealthy. When my DD turned vegetarian in her teens I got her to find some recipes she would eat and we often all ate and enjoyed them. Of course it depends how old the children are but instead of giving them "free" choice, present it as an alternative i.e. "this" or "that". It is often easier to choose when the choice is reduced.

Spendless

sushistar wrote: »

spendless it's great you are allowing your daughter to make some choices about her diet, budget allowing. In my mind I do make a distinction between a decision to not eat meat from ethical reasons (which it sounds like your daughter is doing) rather than deciding not to eat green veg because you just don't like them! One issue I have with my veggie DC (who is younger than yours) is that they've decided to stop eating meat, but have not really accepted they need to eat plenty of green veg and beans / nuts / eggs etc to replace the iron and protein. We're working on it! If your daughter sticks with her decision it will probably save you money as meat is usually pretty dear compared to other protein sources.

I suspect I'm going to have the same issue. I have already pointed out to DD that IMO she doesn't eat/like enough vegetables to become vegetarian! She hasn't seen the full impact of what I mean yet though, since it's currently a case of eat what we have in!

She has never been a huge lover of meat, except chicken or if it's processed. I put this down to when she was 10 and had to have 4 adult teeth taken out due to them not forming properly. Whilst the gap naturally closed, she found it difficult with anything she considered 'chewy' 3 years on and there's still some meats she'd only eat in a 'soft' form, so she'll eat pork pie or minced beef but not a pork chop or steak.

Am not totally convinced she'll stick at it and what she doesn't know is DH said she told him at the weekend that she was thinking of giving it a go for a week. She hasn't told me that bit!

VfM4meplse

jackyann

As the one who suggested "choose meals" I didn't put all the details!
Yes, they were "main meals" and expected to work in certain limits (cost, season, health etc) which were discussed.
If anyone put coco pops or caviar, they would have been ignored!
Little ones needed help. Parents were included in the list, and had to follow the rules, though e did have one meal a week when parents & kids ate separately, which helped!

All these years after, I can't remember the issues - there must have been a few, though it worked pretty well as it kept going for years; we had a weekly "family meeting" mainly to sort out who was going here & when (with parents working odd hours we had to co-ordinate) and the discussion around the week ahead's menu & shopping happened then. That's also when the jobs rota was sorted.

But like most ideas around making family life work - you use it as a springboard to sort out what works for your family, and it's offered in that spirit.

VfM4meplse

jackyann wrote: »

All these years after, I can't remember the issues - there must have been a few, though it worked pretty well as it kept going for years; we had a weekly "family meeting" mainly to sort out who was going here & when (with parents working odd hours we had to co-ordinate) and the discussion around the week ahead's menu & shopping happened then. That's also when the jobs rota was sorted.

Total admiration - parents taking the CEO role!

elizabethhull

Bringing up my 2 was just like with my parents ie one meal was cooked for everyone & you just ate it it. We were all too hungry to be faddy, and no-one I knew was veggie. I know this risks sounding unpleasantly judgemental, and for that I apologise, but really NO family ever had more than one meal available at tea-time, you were supposed to be grateful and clear your plate. No snacks, bar the occasional piece of fruit, and no fussing that you didn't like it. You ate or went without - we ate !!

Having said that, a generation on, friends with more children said they worked out a rota of choosing, so everyone got a meal of their choice in turn.(rotation schedule obviously depends on how many in the family). The one meal that everyone liked came up once a week and all were expected to eat what they could of other's choices, or they missed 'their' day. Wholemeal bread and butter was available to fill up on.

You haven't said if there is any real medical need for being veggie/non-dairy etc, so I don't know how the rota system would work.
Incidentally, we had many holidays in France as a child (50's & 60's), and with my children (80's and 90's), and veggies were STILL viewed with disdain. Something about the French culture - never a veggie choice in restaurants, except for omelettes. I wonder if that is still the case ?