Advice and Help please...

jo_london_mum

Hello
Where do I start...? I am maybe on the wrong board so if thats the case could someone point me in the right direction after I have spilled my guts!
OK, So I am a 41 year old divorcee with 2 boys aged 11 and 14.
I bought my husband out 3 years ago and now own a 3 bedroom terraced house in London.
I have a new partner I have been with 3 years, who lives with me and the boys. He owns his own house and is in the process of selling his house that his ex and 25 year old daughter still lives in.
The aim is for us to both pool our money together and buy a place out of London and move to Kent and be mortgage free with a pot of money in savings, and for me to get a job locally so after school child care is taken care of by me and I can be a proper mum, having worked full time shift work since they were born.

My partners situation is quite straight forward, has a house worth £450-500k. Has to pay £100k in settlement, £80k on mortgage owed, then around £15-20k on esate agent and moving legal fees. he will be left with around £250-£275k. He earns £53k per year.

So then, the problems are my debts.... Being honest I have never managed money very well I have lived beyond my means and my ex never took responsibility at all and left everything to me to sort out, and since divorce things havent improved.
I have a £40k secured loan from nemo on my property, this was the combo of 2 x 20k loans to clear cc debt from 2012/2013. I have £27k in usecured debt which is a combination of cc and store and catalouges. I also have £2000 + £700 in overdrats that I am in to. So arounf £70k debts
I have a £181k mortgage outstanding. My house has been valued at £700-750k and I would like to put away £10k each for my boys into savings when we move as they have nothing currently. So £700-750k - £181k mortgage - £70k debts - £20k boys, - £20k estate agent and legal fees = £410-£460k left. I am on £40k per year but will be giving up work to get local job, probably be on £20-£30k when I do.
There is also an additional note that I may be able to go for voluntary redundancy within the next 3 months, which is very tempting as I will be looking to give up my job soon anyway. I have worked at my company for 22 years and have a very good package being offered at over £90k before tax (66k after tax, but would probably take 30k then invest the rest in my pension to avoid so much tax and bump up pension).

So - 2 things, first my partner does not know how much debt I am in, I think he thinks around £20k, and that mortifies him :eek:, he is a non debter, and I am keen for him to handle our money which will go into one pot and I am happy to leave him managing this as I know I will have a life where I am not worried 24/7 about money! I am going to tell him about the money I owe this week sometimes, just getting a couple more valuations on the house to give him the entire picture of how much I am coming into this with accurately - so far its all been rough figures.
Secondly I am struggling big time to survive each month. My partner pays for the shopping about £500 a month and also gives me a further £400 towards bills etc, but is obviously still paying for his mortgage on his own property too. I get £500 from my ex towards child maintenance, then my wage. My outgoings just about match my incoings, with over £1k a month going towards debts.
With the amount of debt I have I cant lend anymore money, I havent tried as such, but I dont want any more debt anyway. My experian credit rating is on the mid way point of fair. I am up to the limit on every credit card and am just about keeping my head above water, but if anything unexpected comes up im in trouble. I have a brilliant family that help me out, my sister lends me money now and then and my dad gives me about £50 a week knowing im struggling, but none of them know to what extent. My family dont know I plan to move yetawhile they think its in the distant future, it wont be easy telling my ever so close family I am moving 30 miles away which may as well be 3000! So there is another difficult conversations coming!
So the advice I'm after really, is can anyone suggest any short term solutions? I know long term I want to and have to sell, to be able to free up my situation, but nothing is going to change over night - we are maybe thinking of a new build that hasnt even had a brick laid yet so could be months or even years. Help!

Bobarella

No real useful advice Jo only to say that it does seem that you have some good points on the horizon of you can just keep going for now. You do have a lot of equity in your home and the redundancy package also sounds great if it comes off.

jo_london_mum

thank you for the advice xxx feels so good to say it out loud if you know what I mean!
Just to say my sister pointed me in the direction of step change (bearing in mind she isnt aware I am moving as soon) for a long term solution. I did let them have a look at a DMP for me, which was a 5 year one.. however, it was only saving me about £250pm with all credit going into default. Without meaning to sound ungrateful £250pm, would be a drop in the ocean in terms of how skint I am each month.
Anyway as you say, I am just holding on for now.....

Bobarella

Just wanted to add that you are a 'proper mum' whether you work full time or not. Life isn't easy so don't do yourself down.

jo_london_mum

Hiya I probably mis-worded that a bit. I know I am a great mum, an amazing mum even! The whole reason I am moving away, is so my boys have a better life in better schools with a better future where they can actually afford to buy their own house, if they so wish, one day. All I meant was, I have missed quite a bit over their lifetime as I do shift work including nights. I very rarely sit down with them to help with homework, I miss ever such a lot of after school meetings. I have even missed out on A&E trips due to the act I have sucha pressuised job I just cannot walk out of. I absolutely cannot wait to be able to do all that stuff! So although they probably wont care thats I am there more than I am now, I relish the thought of seeing more of those boys xxx

Kitten868

£250 a month is not a drop in the ocean to anyone. I would post up an SOA. Take some responsibility now to cut back your outgoings then you have a chance of sticking to your partners plans when he 'takes over'.

National_Debtline

Hi Jo


Your long-term plan - the London to Kent move - is destined to put you in a position where you are no longer reliant on credit as you will be mortgage-free and with savings to boot. In which case, the state of your credit file will be to all intents and purposes irrelevant - it is simply a means to an end for those who need to borrow because they do not have the relevant capital at their disposal.


So, what that means right now is that you should consider stopping your existing credit repayments and instead negotiating reduced/nominal payments to those lenders for the time being, and potentially for as long as it takes your move to Kent to come to fruition. At present, you are forking out £1K a month to tread water on these debts, and by your own admission are then having to rely on family to help make ends meet. This is how I would proceed:


- Open a new bank account at the earliest opportunity with a bank to whom you owe no money - it should ideally be a "basic" account with no frills as this will not involve a credit check and should be approved with no fuss. Have your income and essential bills i.e. energy, insurance etc. rerouted through this new account. This is vital to do as you will be chasing your tail paying interest and bank charges at present.


- Write to your various creditors (including any overdrafts left behind at those banks) enclosing a list of your current income and outgoings. Explain the position you find yourself in, and that you hope/expect to be able to settle your accounts in full once you have moved, but that in the meantime you can only offer £X per month (whatever is left after covering your day-to-day essentials).


There are lots of free and easy-to-use templates available for putting together household budgets and for letters like the ones described above. Our versions can be found at www.nationaldebtline.org


Dennis
@natdebtline

Bobarella

jo_london_mum wrote: »

Hiya I probably mis-worded that a bit. I know I am a great mum, an amazing mum even! The whole reason I am moving away, is so my boys have a better life in better schools with a better future where they can actually afford to buy their own house, if they so wish, one day. All I meant was, I have missed quite a bit over their lifetime as I do shift work including nights. I very rarely sit down with them to help with homework, I miss ever such a lot of after school meetings. I have even missed out on A&E trips due to the act I have sucha pressuised job I just cannot walk out of. I absolutely cannot wait to be able to do all that stuff! So although they probably wont care thats I am there more than I am now, I relish the thought of seeing more of those boys xxx

That must have been hard on you too. Night work must play havoc.with normal family life. It sounds like you've had some good advice now too. Keep posting on these boards there are loads of good people here to help along the way.