Easiest way to improve grammar / writing style.

Mojisola

Pyro. wrote: »

That's pretty much a basic email i would send around to the departments. Whilst i feel this is ok, i know there's much better ways to word it. What do you think?

Start by using I instead of i.

missbiggles1

"After looking at the online electrical safety register, I have noticed that many of our systems are due for retesting at around the same time. To capture these items before the end test date I propose that we schedule the testing of the equipment to prevent all from expiring together.

I will create an Excel spreadsheet where I would like you to insert the optimum time for my team to come and re-test all of this equipment.

By doing this on a departmental basis we can ensure that all equipment can be tested with no omissions."

I didn't think that there was much wrong with yours and some may not agree with my rewriting of your last paragraph. Corrections in bold.

ohreally

Pyro. wrote: »

After looking at the online electrical safety register i have noticed that many of (y)our systems are due retesting at around the same time. To capture these items before the end test date i propose we test the equipment in a scheduled order - to prevent all from expiring together.
I will create an excel spreadsheet where i would like you to insert the best possible time for my team to come and re-test all of this equipment.

If we do one department at a time this will help us to capture all of the equipment together and not miss any parts of equipment out.

Shouldn't the word "our" be "your"?

elsien

You're missing words out and it jars when you read it.

"many of our items are due retesting" reads better as "many of our items are due for retesting".
"To prevent all from expiring together" reads more easily as "prevent all of them from expiring together."
In your OP "you can post things and get criticism on" would read better as "you can ask for criticism on it".
Do you miss these out when talking, as if not then reading the email out loud to yourself might help?

theoretica

Get someone to read it aloud to you - does it sound stilted?

googler

Pyro. wrote: »

I've just received my annual report from work, and a big point that has been picked up on is my general day-to-day grammar/wording. I send emails out daily, and some are seen by those high up in the business. Whilst my emails have never been a problem, I do feel there are better ways to word things.

Is there a forum or software that sets exercises or where you can post things and get criticism on?

I feel this is the only way to improve.

A google for "how to improve business writing skills" brings forth loads which would appear to offer what you're looking for, much of which seems to come from reputable sources.

You could look for books and guides in your local library.

A fun (and cheap) way to get to grips with the rules of English grammar is Lynne Truss' book - Eats, Shoots and Leaves (or is it "Eats Shoots and Leaves"? Ah, well, that's the whole point behind it....)

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Eats-Shoots-Leaves-Lynne-Truss/dp/0007329067/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1457801177&sr=8-1&keywords=eats+shoots+leaves

I'll invite everyone to debate whether it should be Truss' or Truss's ..... the humble apostrophe gets a chapter of its own.

Poppy9

Pyro. wrote: »

After looking at the online electrical safety register i have noticed that many of our systems are due retesting at around the same time. To capture these items before the end test date i propose we test the equipment in a scheduled order - to prevent all from expiring together.
I will create an excel spreadsheet where i would like you to insert the best possible time for my team to come and re-test all of this equipment.

If we do one department at a time this will help us to capture all of the equipment together and not miss any parts of equipment out.

I would write this as:

Following a review of the safety register it is noted that many of the systems are due for retesting at the same time. I propose a schedule of testing to ensure that no system expires due to leaving them all until last minute.

Please find attached an Excel spreadsheet detailing all systems and I would like you to insert a convenient retest date. You will notice I have grouped departments together to make the retesting process efficient.

Thank you.

agrinnall

Do you have a friend at work who has better written English skills than you who would be prepared to look over any really important emails before you send them to the intended recipient?

ennui

Lots and lots of reading! IMHO, that's the best way to improve your writing style.

NewShadow

Poppy9 wrote: »

I would write this as:

Following a review of the safety register it has been noted that many of the systems are due for retesting at the same time. It has been proposed we move to a rolling schedule of testing to ensure all systems tests are completed within the required timescales.

Please review the attached spreadsheet and provide a date for retesting the systems in your department.

Happy to discuss,

Thank you.

Sorry to edit your (very good) version Poppy, but how's this?

Shorter is better in my book (which has lots of pictures:cool:).

I agree lots of reading and writing, plus asking a second set of eyes to look at typos and 'tone', are great ways of developing the 'style' and quality of your writing.

I would have also asked for specific feedback from my boss - do they think you're too informal? Or perhaps not very concise? or is it basic SPaG?