Shopping addiction

FalseEconomist

I've only realised in the past year that I have a genuine addiction to shopping.

When I tried to talk about it to family members they just sort of laughed, as if it was funny, like someone being addicted to chocolate. But just like a sugar addiction will lead to diabetes and obesity, a shopping addiction will lead to, well, where I am now really. Only Mt husband has really listened to me seriously about this as he.witnesses my spending patterns alter according to my mood.

I've got a couple of the 'types'. I can't resist a bargain hence 90% of my purchases are from charity shops and eBay, I also like to buy to try and solve an immediate problem e.g we decide that at some point we'd like a conservatory so I'm straight away online pricing up deals and repayment plans.

Shopping has also become a family pastime. Day off together? Let's wander round our local big shopping centre and have a coffee - as if Bluewater or similar were world heritage sites!

I'm trying to change.my behaviour, and I'm posting in the hope that those who have managed to change theirs can offer tips. Although 'cold turkey' does have its place in the world of addiction recovery, simply saying 'stay away from shops' is a bit simplistic. Like telling an overweight person to eat less and move more - so some real tactics and techniques would be invaluable.

If this post is in the wrong place (ie should be in mental health) please feel free to suggest I move it.

Thanks for reading.

MERFE

Ah the trips to Bluewater, I remember them well. Prekids and when my first was young my husband and I thought the weekend pastime was wondering round the shops too, trust me you aren't alone. I cut the trips back to once or twice a year and started taking the kids to free places, big parks for long walks instead. Lots will still have coffee shops if you feel you need that treat (although a flask is cheaper) but without all the other shops to tempt you. Are you meeting up with friends there, maybe they would also welcome a change of scene.

Nickitree30

Hi FalseEconomist, I too have a weakness for charity shops and ebay. What changed things for me were a couple of books, the first is called "Enough" by John Naish. It looks at our (oft times skewed ) reasoning and mental responses to shopping and was really interesting. The second I read after I came to the realisation that 3 years after having moved into our new house, I had spent huge chunks of time tidying rooms and sorting stuff out to take to charity shops. And yet the house never got any tidier or more organised because as fast as I was emptying it I was filling it again! So I am in the process of reading Marie Kondo, "The life changing magic of tidying" and following her instructions. My shopping trips have went down and things are starting to take shape, if I am tempted by something I ask myself if I would be willing to put something out that I love to make space for it, the answer is usually no. Pinterest also helps as I now do my hoarding online, :rotfl:

QueenBeruthiel

Plan your weekends and days off in advance. It's spring! Instead of wandering around a soulless shopping centre, go somewhere: a city park, the seaside, your nearest national park, a museum.

Hermia

QueenBeruthiel wrote: »

Plan your weekends and days off in advance. It's spring! Instead of wandering around a soulless shopping centre, go somewhere: a city park, the seaside, your nearest national park, a museum.

I agree. It worries me how shopping went from being a practical activity you had to do to a leisure activity. I did read a fascinating book years ago about how the industry encouraged that and it was very depressing. I live in an area with so many amazing free things to do, but so many of the families I know just go to the shopping mall every single weekend.

One way I cut my spending was to really keep away from it all. I only go into town when I really need something. I do my food shopping online as I find it easier to stick to a list whereas I would always be throwing things in my basket at the supermarket. I also unsubscribed from every brand/shop e-newsletter I used to get. I do occasionally go to charity shops, but I find I am quite sensible with them.

daydream_believer_2

Try keeping a spending diary.
We are now debt free, but as we don't want to go down the debt route ever again, and have limited income we are very frugal.

I write down everything we spend on food and leisure, and find that if I have to write it down in black and white, I feel guilty, so don't waste money on unnecessary items.

Petal88

It definitely sounds like you'll need your husband's support for this - apart from anything he should now know not to take you to the likes of a shopping centre just for a stroll/day out .

Can you close your ebay account down or have your husband change the password in order to at least shut down that option of spending?

Have you spoken to your GP about it? They could refer you to a therapist or for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy to help you treat your addiction.

chevalier

What would be your dream thing to do if you had enough money? Ie something you can't do at the moment because of the spending? Fab holiday, new car (paid for with cash), move house? Find your dream x in a photo and put that in your wallet so you would see it every time you get your card out. That way it might give you pause before you spend.

Martin's mantra is do I need it, is this the best deal? If you want something, try and wait 24 hours before buying it. In most cases when the thrill of getting it has passed, you will think nah don't really want to pay that for it. And in the mean time you can check if the 'bargain price' really is a bargain by checking to see if you can get it cheaper online.

How about shopping from your house? Ie need a new outfit look in your cupboard to see if you can mix and match things you already have in a new way to get the outfit for free.

I am with you about the charity shop/ebay bargains. It is so cheap it won't matter. lol. But if you buy lots of little spends from there and ebay, suddenly it is a big problem. I knew I had to stop when I had both my kids fitted out with their whole clothes wardrobes up to age 14 - they were 7 and 4 at the time and I was running out of room!!!!

Do you know what your triggers are to spend? This may be something that your OH can help you figure out. Then when you are feeling that way you will know to avoid the shops/going online.

Distraction is a good way to save. So I would second those who suggest going to National Trust/other parks/ free places that aren't shopping centres to fill your weekend/evenings. If you are all clothed, and your house furnished, then the only shop you actually NEED to go into in the near future is somewhere to get food. And this can be curbed by going with a list and sticking to it.

Good luck it can be done.
chev

Hermia

chevalier wrote: »

What would be your dream thing to do if you had enough money? Ie something you can't do at the moment because of the spending? Fab holiday, new car (paid for with cash), move house? Find your dream x in a photo and put that in your wallet so you would see it every time you get your card out. That way it might give you pause before you spend.

I do that! I also made myself a vision board with pics of the life I wanted and printed it out and stuck it all over the place. There are so many places in Europe I would love to visit. When I think about all the hardly used stuff I have bought over the years I could probably have afforded a few trips with that money.

gettingtheresometime

I was just like you and to a certain extent still am....if I see something I've fixated on it until I got it and then I wanted my next fix.


What stopped me was getting into so much debt that it has affected what we can do ....if I wasn't servicing the debt we could have some pretty amazing holidays or go out for meals or even seriously consider working part time.


Now if I want something I will save up for it or tell myself that I will buy it once I've paid off a certain debt.

Usually by the time I've done either of these two things, I don't want it anymore lol. If I still want it I will buy it but it means I've really thought about the purchase.

FalseEconomist

Some fab ideas. The one I'm going to try today is the motivational picture one.

Me and hubby have always really wanted a motor caravan. I think you either love them or hate them but we love the idea of being able to just get in one and truck up to wherever you want to go. We'd also like to do it before the kids are old enough to get embarrassed.

However, even dodgy second hand ones cost thousands. But the idea of getting one would really inspire us I think. (christ knows where we'd keep it if.we did get one, but anyway)

Triggers are an interesting point. They range from feeling panicked about a situation so trying to 'buy' my way out of it,

Feeling bored so find.myself on Amazon reading reviews about how certain objects are amazing and life changing. Click. Buy.

Also when we're on holiday, the 'i deserve it' trigger kicks in. Walking around gift shops, why shouldn't I buy what j want? I work hard yada yada.....

I think the trick is going to be working out my feelings around need and want, and also with the whole Marie Kondo thing. Will it.bless my life? One thing I have started to do which is working a bit is, if I want something off.Amazon, I put it on my wish list. Then I know I won't forget about it and it's there if someone else wants gift ideas. I.go.back a couple of weeks.later and.consider it again, most of the time I go 'what was I thinking?!' and delete it. So.an enforced delayed time period for reflection.

Possibly taking my card details off the accounts making one click buying impossible will also help.

It's so easy to rationalise buying too. It's only a few.bits from a charity shop, it's only 20 pounds. That's my car insurance payment I've just spent!

Losing weight will help, simply because I have a wardrobe of clothes I adore and do not fit into. So if.i can get on track with that I can indeed shop my wardrobe, and enjoy doing so.

Planned days out will be good. I'm debating whether or not to buy another season ticket to our.local country play Park, which is brilliant for the kids. Ticket will be about 140 for the whole family. We had one last year and it served us well (costs about 40 pounds for a family to go for.one day!) but it does seem like a lot of money.