What to I even need?

missmoose

I'm honestly tearing my hair out. What do you need for a wedding and what even are the things? What's a rehearsal dinner and why do I need one? What are the purpose of users? I don't understand. None of my immediate family are married and I've only been to one full wedding and two receptions in my life time.
I want to marry but I just don't have a clue what I'm doing and how to get the things:o:o I need.

firebird082

I suggest you stop reading wedding websites, especially American ones! Sit down with your fiance and write down everything you think you want on your wedding day and go from there. A good starting point after that is budget and guest list, which will help you to refine options.

What you 'need' is 2 witnesses and a Register Office. What you 'want' may be considerably different to that

Good luck, and enjoy!

missmoose

Arguably that's what I need to get married not to have a wedding. But thank you for your help.
I'm just curious to know what the average wedding has and what it is/what it's for so We can decide if we want it or not at ours. I can't know if I want something if I don't know what it is.

Faith177

Rehearsal dinner is a real American thing I don't know any of my UK friends who have had one. We had a meal out the night before but that's because we got married away from home and everyone was in the area and mine and OH's family hadn't met yet (long story). You do not have to do this

Ushers are like the bridesmaids to the groom they help him out get people seated at the ceremony, hand out order of service things like that just make sure the groom doesn't have to do much.

firebird082

I only mention American website, because rehearsal dinners are definitely an American thing.

No idea about users (unless you mean ushers?). Ushers are your 'guys on hand to shepherd people around to the right places'.

My point still stands about deciding what you want - none of these things are 'essential'. The only things that can be classed as essential are the things that you want to happen.

Although it can be a bit formal, I actually found the Debretts wedding site quite helpful for a quick guide on what common roles involve and how the day normally runs.

Link: http://www.debretts.com/weddings

But as I said before, your wedding can involve all or none of these elements, depending on your tastes and choices (and budget!).

P.s. I'm slightly curious why you've decided to have a wedding when you have so little experience of them!

MandM90

the standard is:

rings
ceremony
flowers
outfit of some kind
photographer
invitations
venue
decorations (flowers/chair covers etc)
place settings/table plans and all of that poop
food
drink
entertainment (usually of the musical variety)

I'm currently planning mine and it looks like we will be having:
ceremony
rings (mum is buying them for us)
dress for me, possibly (OH will wear a suit he already has)
Sit down meal in lovely independent Italian restaurant with bubbly (in laws to be will pay)
Homemade victoria sponge to cut (I'll make it)
Walk across road to local pub

If I'm feeling super romantic we might even pick some flowers from the allotment or a garden to make a bouquet!!

OHs sister did an art degree which included loads of photography, and OH (also a photography fanatic) has about £4k of camera/lenses so she will use those to get a couple of snaps
So few people are coming we will just tell them rather than use invitations

It's really up to you what you do. Personally my favourite wedding was in a pub in Lyme Regis.

The bridge and groom have a beautiful home there, and in the South of France and aren't short of cash, but had been together over 15 years and decided on a low key affair. It was absolutely lovely.

arbrighton

the legal minimum is you and OH, having given notice, going to registry office with two witnesses and saying about 2 sentences.

Even rings are NOT compulsory.

We had:
dress for me and new suit for him (both of which have been worn again since)
Bridesmaid and best man (my sister and his brother, who were witnesses)- they did any necessary herding/ ushing
rings as they are still accepted as the symbol of being married
transport for me and bridal party to ceremony venue (a town hall that is licensed for civil ceremonies) and this was a vintage car (but was nearly a bog standard taxi, which is what groom had!). The car then took us to the reception venue
flowers- two small bouquets, buttonholes and a matching bit for the cake
additional readings for ceremony (and it was still over in 15 min!) (and so many of us had a quick drink at a pub before moving on to the reception!)
bus to transport to reception for guests
Photographer (not formal posing as we both hate that)
Proper royal iced fruit cake (sorry, hate fondant and sponge wouldn't keep long enough to not stress me out)
Place settings
Favours (i made them- small jars of bramble jelly)
Speeches (all short and an extra one for my parents' ruby wedding
One sit down meal for ALL guests
Disco- wish we hadn't as noone danced by the time food/ speeches were done

We'd been together 10 years at this point but I kind of wanted a party!

Topcat1982

Rehearsal dinner - we don't have them in this country. You may have a rehearsal if it's a church but not if it's a registry office.

Usher is the American name for groomsmen. Your groom will pick some groomsmen from his friends

missmoose

Thanks for your help everyone.

I have a rough idea of the route I want to take, I'm going for small but special, I only plan on getting married once so I want the works but with people around that actually matter.
Although I kind of know what I want (and load of time to cement my ideas) I don't want it to get really close to the day and me to think, damn I forgot this and that.
I've been to one full wedding when I was 14 so I don't really know what I need to be thinking about, I didn't even know cake tasting was a thing until a couple weeks ago!

arbrighton

Cake tasting is another american thing to be honest- I didn't. Said 'fruit cake, royal iced, like this' and bob was my uncle

Floss

If you don't want fruit cake, and you ask a cake maker to make your wedding cake, you may be asked if you would like a tasting. This isn't just to determine the flavours but also to agree on design, size, style etc.