Bittersweet success

webitha

OH has been offered a job bringing in £500+ a week after tax etc which will go heavily towards his debts and my 1 debt so will be DF a lot sooner than planned :j

the downside is is that he will be "tramping" ie living in his truck mon - fri

now i know that we should be happy about the fact that soon we will be debt free then we can start on our mortgage currently at £27k (getting it down due to small overpayments they certainly add up over the years :j)
but i cant be in fact we both feel sick to the stomach being apart but this is too good an opportunity to miss the kids are only young 8 6 2 and it is only for a year i suppose

we will also save more money on the shopping as i dont mind living on value products and the kids dont notice and i can work more in my "saucy new job" when kids in bed and hes not here so more money there

but we are both upset at spending time apart and said that he doesnt have to accept it and we can carry on as before ( we already saved next years site fees for our new caravan) we are not skint by anymeans but the house needs serious work doing to it our debts are very managable now adn we dont want to get any loans to do the work so he wants to do this to save for the work

sorry for the ramble not really asking for advice more to the fact talking myself out of telling him not to go
if he did this for 10 - 12 months we will have enough to pay the debts off make a bigger dent in the mortgage and sve for the new roof, kitchen and bathroom the we soooo desparately need espesh the bathroom as the only person the can lie in the bath without having to put their feet on the window sill is the 2 yr odl lol

if you were in this postition what would you do? tell him to take it or not
i know the practical side would be to tell him to take it but im going to miss him soooo much

rayday2

If neither of you are happy with him working away then don't do it! The whole point of MSE is that money does not rule your life, plenty of others may come along and say they work away its fine etc but if you don't want to be apart from your hubby then its not fine for you!

I would be the same to be honest with my husband and yet my first husband worked away and it was fine for us, although saying that we divorced!!

chookwoose

I think for your OH to take the job, you both need to be happy and comfortable with it. If it is going to make you unhappy it may do more harm than good. Your kids are quite young also and may miss him. Personally myself and OH would refuse and carry on as we are, just my opinion. Hope it all works out for you all x

Yorkielass

When my OH got offered a PhD place with good funding a few years ago we decided to stay where we'd been students and that I'd find a job somehow, it's taken 2 years of temping and a lot of upset but I finally got a job doing what I want to do here, albeit at a lower level than I could do. If I'd had free rein over the country I could have found that higher level job and have earnt another £6000 or so a year but I wouldn't be coming home to OH each day and that's what matters. So we bought a house in this area and I do a bit of mystery shopping, ebay etc as well to try and boost our savings.

One of my Alevel teachers spent 2 years flying between the south coast and Scotland at weekends (as did her partner) because he transferred with his job. She ended up packing it in and moving up there and changing jobs, and she was the best teacher I've had but being with her (by that point) husband was more important than anything else.

So what I'm saying is you need to be happy as rayday2 says don't let money rule your live. I'd talk to your OH and tell him how you really feel and take it from there.

Good luck

rog2

I understand your reservations, but I am, at the same time, pleased for you. Your OH's income will make such a difference to your life and whilst, initially, the time spent apart will be difficult for all of you, you will soon get used to it and it will make you better appreciate the time that you do spend together.

webitha

thanks for all your responses guys i know i would get used to it as that ws what he was doing when we met and he was headhunted for this job and rog again good advice as all we do at night is watch telly to be brutally honest i will only miss him in bed cuddled up at night as the spark has dimmed a little
i will miss him loads but neither of us want to take out another loan for home improvements now ive got him to be very mse

(Land_of)_Maz

It's only for a year and is a good chance to clear some debts and get some money behind you. if it was a long term thing then maybe it wouldn't be wise with your misgivings... but a year is not long in a happy marriage and you might find the quality family time will be better and not just telly watching time!

Every couple is different and many thrive on being apart a bit. Might bring back the "spark" too!

Annie_Fanny

Is it for a set period of a year? Could you, if you have the opportunity, review the situation after set periods of time, 3, 6, 9 months say? I think the working away for a year will open up so many opportunities for you and the whole of your family that it is worth it.

I agree that with Maz3374 sentiments. I have been working away for a year and it definately brings the spark back at weekends

JET34

Just think how goo dthe weekends will be if you've not seen each other all week!!!

hypno06

My OH spent years tramping - until the children were about 8 and 9. It was good for us - I had the time to get the mundane stuff done during the week, and weekends really were quality time for all of us.

Now he works a more "regular" job, but it doesn't pay enough, so it ends up that he has a second job working weekends and some evenings - I reckon it was better when he was tramping, at least we knew we had time together. Sometimes, I long for him to return to it - I see him less now than I did then.

beemuzed

Do you have other close friends/neighbours you'll be able to have contact with Mon-Fri? The boys and I had to stay behind for nearly six months when DH last had to move for a new job and we took a while to sell the old house. My kids were then 8 and 10 and for me the hardest bit was lack of adult conversation during the week! At the time I was vey fed-up, but looking back on it it was a very small chunk of our lives. A year isn't too bad I suppose, especially with the financial benefits it will bring. Just make sure you've thought it all through!