Mums, dads.. People with young children. Looking for some advice

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Hi

I will start to investigate however wanted to put a question out there in the meantime.

We're parents to a 15 month child. OH works full time and, although every penny is watched extremely closely, the plan was for me to stay off as long as I could with our child. I am really enjoying being 'off work' looking after the wee one.

However, a fantastic role has come up with a great company and I'm really considering it. We could really do with the extra money as well as are trying to save for a deposit for a house/hoping to get some sort of a decent mortgage offer this year.

So starting to think about nursery/childcare. The issue is we have no family (nor friends off work or nearby) and OH works shifts. The company I'm considering has a start time of 0730 (so I would be out of house by 0630) and OH would need to get a train at 0730 also. His work days are 5 out of any 7 and he often doesn't have two days off together.

From an initial web search seems most nurseries (central Scotland) don't open until 0830 (or at earliest 0800) which makes it impossible for me to do a 'drop off' and OH's train is at 0730. OH doesn't drive (I do and we have a car).

Really stuck as to how to make it work? Also feeling so incredibly guilty at even considering nursery however our child does love to play with other children and I'm sure they would be very happy at a nursery.

So I guess my questions are
Do nurseries offer 'pickups' - hoping it's an experienced driver!

Do nurseries allow you to say pay for 4 days but then only take a child in on a random (paid for) day which would change every week? (As when OH had days during in the week our child wouldn't go to nursery as OH would like to spend the day with our child).

Do I have other options?

The new salary wouldn't allow for an au pair and I think we're both happier with the idea of a nursery vs an au pair anyway (no offence to lovely hard working au pairs out there).

I'm really unsure whether to take the role or not. At the moment it brings tears to the eyes thinking about being separated and I feel incredibly selfish and guilty :-/ :-(

On the other hand I think our child would love being around other children and grow and develop. OH and I were at nursery young and I have wonderful memories (I know you can't guarantee it). The extra salary would also be great to hopefully allow us to move into our own family home.

Just looking for advice from those who have experienced similar.

All comments appreciated

From a bit of a heartbroken mum.

onlyroz

I don't think a nursery would offer you the flexibility you would like regarding earlier hours, but a childminder might. However, even a childminder would want a regular schedule, because there are strict rules about how many children they are allowed to take at any one time and if you said "can you take the child for a random day each week" they would effectively have to reserve a place for you every day.

You might want to look more closely into an au-pair option - I think that these are often gap-year students looking to earn some pocket money while living abroad, and so they might be more cost effective than you think.

If you're looking for local childminders and nurseries then the Ofsted website is a good place to start.

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Thanks onlyroz. I will look up Ofsted. With regard to 'random days' we would be able to set these in advance (as OH's rota is set up month ahead) so although the days would be different each week it would be set in advance. Would this make a difference? We would say pay for four days each week but when Oh was off he just wouldn't take our child in. Do nurseries allow this? Is this hugely frowned upon?

What do other shift working parents do?

missbiggles1

I think it may be nannies you think you can't afford, rather than au pairs - have you thought of trying to set up a nanny share with another local family?

onlyroz

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Thanks onlyroz. I will look up Ofsted. With regard to 'random days' we would be able to set these in advance (as OH's rota is set up month ahead) so although the days would be different each week it would be set in advance. Would this make a difference? We would say pay for four days each week but when Oh was off he just wouldn't take our child in. Do nurseries allow this? Is this hugely frowned upon?

What do other shift working parents do?

I don't think they would be happy with this unless, perhaps, you could come to an arrangement with another parent with a child of the same age where you swapped days. After all they've got to pay the staff regardless of whether you go, and the staff want to know well in advance what days they are expected to work.

Again, a childminder is likely to be more flexible than a nursery, in particular if you could give them plenty of notice about changes to the days - but I'm sure they would prefer to have a fixed schedule.

Jagraf

Hi there. If you want the flexibility you would need to pay for 5 days (they don't have to be in for five days though). - remember they run a business.

No guilt needed - mine did full time at nursery and loved it.

Can't help with the extra hours bit

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onlyroz wrote: »

After all they've got to pay the staff regardless of whether you go, and the staff want to know well in advance what days they are expected to work

I had expected this... However if there are many other children attending the nursery and our child just doesn't turn up on one or two days even though we've paid for it with this make a difference? We would of course advise the nursery beforehand and give them a month in advance warning. But we will still pay them if that makes sense? I guess we wouldn't know for sure unless we asked a individual nursery however it sounds like this is definitely not the norm. Just wondering what other shift parents do?

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Jagraf wrote: »

Hi there. If you want the flexibility you would need to pay for 5 days (they don't have to be in for five days though). - remember they run a business)

Yes we would pay for all days however not take our child in every day. Thought this might be frowned upon however? Although still haven't figured out how we would actually get our child there and back! Just a small hurdle then :-)

Thanks for the comment about no guilt :-) x

bylromarha

I think au pairs too. Child minders are great, but most won't have a 7am start...a 0730 train needs time for you to get from doing the drop off onto the train.

Look at the figures and see if it's worth you going back to work. Our friend had a great au pair at a really reasonable rate.

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missbiggles1 wrote: »

I think it may be nannies you think you can't afford, rather than au pairs - have you thought of trying to set up a nanny share with another local family?

Good idea! Hadn't thought of that. We've just moved into our rental and don't know the area or anyone but will put feelers out.

missbiggles1

bylromarha wrote: »

I think au pairs too. Child minders are great, but most won't have a 7am start...a 0730 train needs time for you to get from doing the drop off onto the train.

Look at the figures and see if it's worth you going back to work. Our friend had a great au pair at a really reasonable rate.

Au pairs aren't supposed to work for more than 30 hours a week.