Secret debt?

Terryschocorange

Is anyone else not 100% open with their spouse/partner about exactly how much they owe? My partner knows that I owe quite a bit but I choose to not reveal the figures as I worry he would freak out. Not ideal but i can't cope with the thought of telling him until I have made a dent in it.

Does anyone else also keep the figures secret?

debbie_debt

When we first got together I did, because I was raised not to talk about money and I was ashamed that I'd been so stupid getting into so much debt to start with. Over time, I opened up and he admitted to debt too, making it easier in some ways, but the combined total was much more scary:eek:

I think it's fine to hide debts if you're not seriously involved or not been together long. If you're getting financially linked (i.e. any shared credit/mortgage/living together) then I'd recommend discussing it. If your oh decided to check his credit report then all of your debts would be there in shocking black-and-white detail for him. It might be less of a blow if you're honest early on!!

vlad

IMHO In a marriage/partnership honesty is everything.
sorry you might not want to hear that OP.

Petal88

I agree with vlad - if my OH kept debt hidden from me I would be devastated and it would cause some significant trust issues on my part.

Sanctioned_Parts_List

It was only when I opened up... to everyone. And I do mean everyone. Friends, colleagues, family (the latter was especially hard) that I started to make progress on getting my own house in order. Some people wanted to put the boot in; there'll always be those people and I know their true colours now. But most were supportive and helpful.

Mrs SPL and I don't structure our finances as "my money" and "her money". Partly 'cos she was out of work on kiddie-duty for so long and partly 'cos it doesn't seem sensible to us to partition our money so. If we're not working as a team, we'll fail. So we're open about it. I even involve the kids, so that it's part of their experience and not some mystery the grow-ups do that they'll suddenly be expected to "know" in their first week at uni.

PaceThePixie

I would say talk about it.

I have been married for years and knew my husband had debt but only found out a month ago how much it was :eek: £48k!!! And he'd be mis managing it for a decade!! MEN!! At that point I wished we'd never met! But we will figure something out.

Talk is good.

lincs1205

Personally I think it's good to be open and honest with each other, dh doesn't have any financial secrets from me as I do the internet banking and I know how much he owes on his cards and vice versa. It also helps that you're on the same page as each other when it comes to finances as well as everything else.

Stevie_Palimo

I had no clue how much my oh owed in an overdraft, store cards and credit cards when we met and hopefully have now drummed the fact into her head that it is best to be open with things like this, She has not binned the store cards and does not use the od or cc instead gets mine to go out when something is wanted or needed.