Picking up the peices, partner has (had) gambling addiction

[Deleted User]

Sorry if this is the wrong area of the forum, I've not been online for some years! So lets cut to the chase. I'm seeking some advice, pointers and such for my current dilema

My partners secret gambling addiction came to light a few weeks back, after bailiffs turned up, and I unearthed a mass amount of unpaid bills, for rent, utilities and such. I've been to my local CAB, and have a short-term plan in place to pay off and made agreements for the priority debts for council TAX, CCJ's, Rent areas and such. The CAB feel I should focus only on these, and tell any other credits/collector they must wait, as I have little left to work with

For the next four months or so, I've not much monies left to pay them with, what I'm wondering is... what else I can be doing in the meantime. obviously, these other bills and such are priority... but so is my partner

I have my own health issue, and 3 kids... she works alot, so time to plan and discuss anything is short..... one day she feels she needs the help, the next she clams up and is unwilling to talk

This in short, is an addiction to online bingo, she was spending in excess of a few hundred pounds a week, ( 15-20K) since last January (2014) is what I've found so far.....and after an intervention (family-wide) she's stopped, though I do worry about her, it's all new to me...

Anyone been in a similar situation?

I can provide more detail if required, thanks

National_Debtline

Hi Glent

I agree with the CAB that the types of debts you mentioned are priorities. Generally unsecured credit debts are lower priorities in the grand scheme of things.

I also agree with you that dealing with your partner’s gambling issue is very important. You could contact Gamcare for specialist advice on handling the situation.

www.gamcare.org.uk

James
@natdebtline

kjd35aqua

Hi. Glent.
From the side of the gambling,the best advice i can give is remove all money away from them. Just give them enough for what they need. Petrol/food shop. Nothing over £40 and receipts for what they buy. If you dont then they will find ways to gamble. Gambling is not always due to addiction,it can be just an escape from the stress that life sometimes brings.
Give them your help and support and in time things will get better.
Watch out for them using payday loans to carry on their gambling. They are an easy way to get credit. So check bank statements before they start getting out of control.
If payday loans are involved already see if you can claim against unaffordable/irresponsible lending like many are doing as many payday lenders have been fined for lending irresponsibly.
Good luck and i hope everything works out in time.

andyfromotley

Hi Glent,

what a mess. Follow the advice of CAB, stepchange and these forums to make your way out of the debt. I will try and help you with the gambling side of it.

Your partner is a compulsive gambler. (CG) It is a progressive mental illness. That means it will steadily get worse untill she gets help to recover. IME very few CG's can recover in the long term without support. For most people the most effective place to get help is at Gamblers anonymous. (https://www.gamblersanonymous.org.uk). Sadly pressure from family, friends or guilt will not work in keeping them there. They have to want to be there for their own recovery, getting to that point can take an agonisiongly long time. For some it never comes.

Here are a few tips for you.
1. Contact Gamanon a support group for family of compulsive gamblers. gamanon.org.uk
2. Remember the the C's You did not Cause this. You cannot Control this. You cannot Cure this.
3. CG goes hand in hand with compulsive lying. For the forseeable future you will not be able to trust your partner about ANY financial matters or ANY gambling related matters.
4. Your partner may well be lying about the extent of the financial damage. This is very common. Do not take their word for it, double check everything, then check it again. Keep checking.
5. Remove access to smartphones and internet. Install gamblock on all devices. PERMANANTLY exlude from all gamnling sites. (do not take thier word that they have done this). This will not stop them from gambling if they want to, nothing will, but it may help prevent compulsive decisions.
6. GA estimate that 97% of CG's return to gambling on thier journey to recovery. 97%!!!
7. This is an issue that will be with you and her for many years, possibly forever. Do not relax after 2/3 months of no gambling. This is common, usually followed by a return to gambling. Keep checking, keep your defences up.
8. No acces to cash/cards/internet banking except ESSENTIALS for the forseeable future

This makes for pretty depressing reading i know. But it is based on my experience as a CG and hearing the stories of hundreds, possibly thousands of other CG's over the years. It is an horrible and rocky road to have to travel. For many relationships it proves too much. But there is hope. With effort and determination this addiction can be defeated one day at a time. I know because that is what i am doing but its not easy for her or for you.

I send out my hope and thoughts to you and your partner at this awful time.

[Deleted User]

Thanks to all for the great tips and advice, much appreciated!