On the home stretch but...

Gaia2014

Hi all

I'm going through a bit of a 'low' patch at the moment and would appreciate some advise/words of encouragement...

So, I"m on a self-administerd DMP and am on the 'home stretch... should be rid of my most restrictive debts by June/July 2016 i.e. the ones I defaulted on a few years ago. The remainder is a student loan which is comig out of my salary...

Anyway, I'm in my early forties (just :rotfl:) and still rent. I live in the Surrey/Middlesex area (which isn't cheap). I moved here with my then partner and decided to stay until at least next Summer when my debts are clear. Make a new start so to speak...

Every day I worry about the future holds because despite being nearly debt free I don't own a house/flat and I have no savings to speak of. To be honest I'm scared about how I'll cope in retirement if I'm still renting.

I'm on a fairly decient salary but I don't see much for my money due to the high cost of living down here. I also wonder whether it's too late to get a mortgage bevcause it's going to take me quite a while to save for a deposit, unless by some miracle I have a windfall. The obvious thing woudl be to move out of London, which could be a possibility next year...

I'd like to start dating again and I'd love to have a family too. But, again I feel like I've left it too late. This of course is affecting my mood and creating a bit of a Catch 22....

Bottom line. I'm panicking about the future. There are so many things I'd like to do but feel trapped by my circumstances and lack of resources. It's hard.

If anybody can relate and/or offer words of encouragement I'd appreciate it.

sourcrates

Hi again Gaia,


Things always look darkest before the dawn, as the saying goes !!!

Looks like your making headway debt wise, I`m sure the rest will fall into place in good time.

Living in London must be a pain, money wise, everything seems to be mega expensive, maybe best to get out of the smoke, if you can.
My becoming debt free, also coincided with a marriage breakup, but now, 3 years later, I've met a wonderful lady, and have become happy again, and I`m 49, staring down the barrel of 50, you have plenty of time yet my friend !!


stay strong !!!

Gaia2014

sourcrates wrote: »

Hi again Gaia,


Things always look darkest before the dawn, as the saying goes !!!

Looks like your making headway debt wise, I`m sure the rest will fall into place in good time.

Living in London must be a pain, money wise, everything seems to be mega expensive, maybe best to get out of the smoke, if you can.
My becoming debt free, also coincided with a marriage breakup, but now, 3 years later, I've met a wonderful lady, and have become happy again, and I`m 49, staring down the barrel of 50, you have plenty of time yet my friend !!


stay strong !!!

Thanks sourcrates... I'm glad you have found happiness again. I hope that for myself too. I've been happy before , so there is no reason whiy I won't be again. It's just when you're in that negative place these times get forgotten... I spend my life helping others (I work in healthcare) and the area I work in is particularly stressful. Hence, I'm trying to find fun (and free) things to do whilst I'm paying these debts off. Not easy to get out there sometimes though... But I will.

I've just got to keep going I suppose. This too will pass as they say.

northerner999

I often think people who post/respond on this forum forget about the humans behind the numbers - Inappreciate your finances will be tight, but don't forget to allow yourself the occasional treat. Most regulars on here would advise me that my SOA is too generous in allowing myself treats - but I don't see the point in life if you don't enjoy it. For those of us who have had to work hard to get finances back on track, our mental health needs looking after too.

On a purely practical point, clearing your debts will make a big difference to how lenders view your ability to repay so it will be great that once you are able to start thinking about applying you will have cleared debt AND be so much more money savvy.

When_the_going_gets_tough

Perhaps now is the time to start planning your new debt free life. Think about where you would like to live and start researching all the housing and job prospects so when the bet free day comes you have a plan to look forward to. On the other hand is there anything stopping you starting the dating thing now or do you want to focus on getting debt free a sap now that the end is in sight?

enjoythesilence

northerner999 wrote: »

I often think people who post/respond on this forum forget about the humans behind the numbers - I appreciate your finances will be tight, but don't forget to allow yourself the occasional treat. Most regulars on here would advise me that my SOA is too generous in allowing myself treats - but I don't see the point in life if you don't enjoy it. For those of us who have had to work hard to get finances back on track, our mental health needs looking after too.

THIS!

I haven't posted a SOA for fear of people telling me what a terrible person I am for spending on so-called "luxuries" or "treats". I don't subscribe to the "you must sew your own clothes and knit your own yoghurt for three years in order to pay off your debts" line of thinking. Great if you do, I'm sure you'll really enjoy those three years!

I'm not extravagant in the slightest (I have no car, no children, birthday and xmas presents are kept to a minimum, haven't had a holiday in five years) but my SOA would definitely get slated!

andyfromotley

I think there are a few people on here equating spending with happiness.

I refuse to make this link. at all. I walk, i run, i cycle, i play guitar with friends, ukulele in a group, i go to talks and exhibitions, I attend and help out with a self help group, I volunteer, i garden, i chat, i cook i read and i learn. All of these things cost nothing at all or virtually nothing.

It is entirely possible to lead a fulfilling, happy and packed life without much money. Equating stuff and spending with happiness landed me with debt in the first place now i have had time to reflect i'm not sure it ever did really.

OP mid forties??!!! You are entering your prime!!

Gaia2014

andyfromotley wrote: »

I think there are a few people on here equating spending with happiness.

I refuse to make this link. at all. I walk, i run, i cycle, i play guitar with friends, ukulele in a group, i go to talks and exhibitions, I attend and help out with a self help group, I volunteer, i garden, i chat, i cook i read and i learn. All of these things cost nothing at all or virtually nothing.

It is entirely possible to lead a fulfilling, happy and packed life without much money. Equating stuff and spending with happiness landed me with debt in the first place now i have had time to reflect i'm not sure it ever did really.

OP mid forties??!!! You are entering your prime!!

Thanks Andy... almost mid 40's :rotfl:. How did that happen?

You're so right that a lot of people do equate money and indeed wealth with happiness. Rationally I know this is not the case. For me it represents choices and that's as far as it goes to be honest. The problem I have at the moment is getting into things (activities etc) again. I used to do so much (courses, meditation, salsa... you name it). Although I did most of these before my last relationship, which sadly ended.

I've found myself in a bit of a rut. Anyway, I need to start somewhere, so I've started to research local activities which are free/cheap and get out there regardless of how I'm feeling. That seems to be the struggle at the moment. Paying off the debts feels easier in comparison now :eek:

Gaia2014

When_the_going_gets_tough wrote: »

Perhaps now is the time to start planning your new debt free life. Think about where you would like to live and start researching all the housing and job prospects so when the bet free day comes you have a plan to look forward to. On the other hand is there anything stopping you starting the dating thing now or do you want to focus on getting debt free a sap now that the end is in sight?

Nothing stopping me as such. But, because I'm so close to the finishing line I want to start dating without the baggage of historical debt. I guess I wouldn't have to reveal this to a potential partner and by the time the relationship becomes serious they'd be hoepfully paid off anyway. I guess it's a self esteem thing or maybe I'm not quite ready.

Brightspark87

Hi

Do people really care about your debt when you start dating? Fair enough down the line when they want to think about moving in together etc. Both DH and I (although yes a little younger!) had debt when we met and we make it through ok, nearly 4 years down the line I don't think I would be nearly debt free (I should be around the same time as you!) without him.

northerner999

enjoythesilence wrote: »

THIS!

I haven't posted a SOA for fear of people telling me what a terrible person I am for spending on so-called "luxuries" or "treats". I don't subscribe to the "you must sew your own clothes and knit your own yoghurt for three years in order to pay off your debts" line of thinking. Great if you do, I'm sure you'll really enjoy those three years!

I'm not extravagant in the slightest (I have no car, no children, birthday and xmas presents are kept to a minimum, haven't had a holiday in five years) but my SOA would definitely get slated!

I have a gym membership at £45 PCM and Sky at £24.40 PCM (I cancelled, they wanted me back so eventually lowered to a price I thought merited it). I know that if I posted an SOA with these on people would instantly say they should go in favour of free activities - but it's all budgeted for as my only entertainment, and for me at least it is all about being in complete control now - with a lifestyle and budget that suits me and leaves me content with life NOW and continuing this when the credit cards have all been cleared.