Burglary Victim's Survival Guide

dave_pick

It’s taken several weeks for me to feel in a position to write this post. For some, this post will come as a surprise, whilst others will know the history and exactly what I've been through.

On 26th September we received one of the phone calls that everyone dreads. We'd been burgled! Fortunately we were away overnight, because from what the police said they really wanted to be in. Having tried to smash the windows and discovering we had laminated glass must have been a real frustration for the thiefs. For those who don’t know, laminated glass is like a car windscreen – it crazes and cracks, but doesn’t smash into a million pieces. Instead, they resorted to smashing the patio door off its hinges!

In the aftermath of tidying and the inevitable cleaning up after forensics I thought I was coping pretty well. But then as we discovered more and more missing things, the whole experience hit me like a freight train. One of my best mates helped me realise that how I reacted in those difficult days and weeks after it happened would define how I coped with it long term. It was either overcome the feelings, or let these feelings overcome me!

For me it wasn't the burglary itself that troubled me. It was the fact that they had taken all but one of the things from my Dad. You see I lost my Dad to cancer back in 2002 and these are extremely sentimental things to me.

I'm usually quite a strong person, but the last few weeks have been extremely hard. I’ve had good and bad days. I remember being sat at home in the first few days when the feelings were almost overwhelming, typing into Google ‘coping with burglary’ and trying not to cry all over the screen of my phone.

Whilst my story is nowhere near as devastating as so many of the articles I did read I realised just how much this event affected others. I read about people who were so afraid it would happen again and would do anything, almost insane things, to protect what they had left. Lives can truly be ruined by the experience. Perhaps it sounds dramatic but I can completely understand that reaction.
In the days which followed I engaged with Victim Support. I decided what I MUST do is do something to make it easier for others to cope - hence this blog. And secondly to write a series of blogs to help people to protect themselves from the mistakes I had made and be prepared so that in the event of a burglary the stress of the process can be reduced.

So this is my story. And I hope it proves useful to those people who may find themselves in the same position I was, searching the Internet looking for answers!

Firstly, let me start by saying that being burgled is devastating and you can feel that your personal space has been completely violated. If you feel this way, then please don't worry! It's completely normal. Your home should be a safe place, where you can shut the door on the rest of the world and enjoy whatever it is that you do at home – listen to music, watch TV, read, cook, etc.

It almost feels like the happy place you loved is ripped away from you. And, if you're anything like me then you'll want to get your home back to normal just as soon as possible. However, please don't underestimate the time and effort that has to go in to sorting out insurance claims, dealing with contractors and finding receipts for things you've bought. You need to make time to do those things! My next blogs will hopefully help with this specifically!

Let me reassure you though, you will feel normal in your home again. It’s now four weeks since we were broken in to and life is finally getting back to normal. Although you will likely keep finding things that have gone days and weeks afterwards – I discovered just the other day that my Son’s moneybox had been raided. I stupidly assumed because it was still on the side that they had missed that, just like the cash on the side in the kitchen!

So whilst you go through this horrid time, why not try following my simple tips which I hope will help each and every one who reads this blog:


Tidy and clean
Once the police have been and collected all the evidence they need you will be left with the mess to sort out. Give the house a really thorough clean and tidy. Put on fresh bed linen too so that when you go to bed on that first night afterwards it feels and smells fresh and clean. For me cleaning and tidying was really helpful for two reasons:

• It helped identify what was missing
• Started the process of moving on because I was removing the visible signs and reclaiming my home.

In the days that followed I paid for a professional company to do a deep clean. If this is not financially possible, then ask your family and friends to help.
Finally, whilst you wait for those broken windows and so on to get fixed, if you don’t like to look at those things because it reminds you, then close the blinds or curtains – I did this for the first week whilst I got used to things.


Security
This perhaps goes without saying, but do all you can to make your house feel safe and secure again. The level you need to go to will depend on your own feelings, but my advice is to do the following as a minimum:

• Have an alarm fitted if you don't already have one – or consider upgrading the alarm you have, including covering your garage
• Consider improving your security lighting
• Put a lock on your gate
• Even if you can account for all of the keys, change your locks
• Install a safe if you don’t already have one (make sure it's bolted down)
• Talk to your neighbours and encourage them to do the same

Lean on your family and friends
This could be one of the most difficult times you will go through so please don’t be afraid to lean on your friends and family for support – including helping you sort paperwork and contractors. You are likely to be exhausted and stressed – don’t try and manage it on your own.
Don’t bottle up any emotion either, just let it out. This is a natural part of the process.


Treat yourself
This will be one of the most stressful times you will go through, so make sure you make time to relax and enjoy life again. They may have taken your things, but they cannot take your memories or your ability to have fun. Now is not the time to be saving! Do something for you, be it a trip, buy something you really want or just an evening with good friends. We decided to take a trip to London and see a show, enjoy a lovely meal and drink a few cocktails. It really was something we needed! You need to feel positive and this is a great way of doing so.


Decorate
You need to reclaim your house and fall in love with the house the way you did before. My advice is to start decorating. Do as many rooms as you want. Move your furniture around, change the houseplants, put up some new pictures. Whatever helps you feel nice about coming home.
We’ve only just started this process and it’s helping me to feel positive about moving on from this experience.


Finally…don't blame yourself!
This has been the hardest thing for me to try and avoid. I didn’t keep the things from my Dad in a safe. The only things in the world that I really didn’t want to lose. The things that cannot be replaced. My future blog posts will address these specific points and how others can avoid the mistakes I have made.

You should be able to expect your things to be safe in your own home. But remember that it is memories and moments that matter really. We can’t take things with us when we’ve gone.
So what I’m trying to say here is that you shouldn’t berate yourself – you didn’t make this happen.
You WILL start to feel better – but the key is not to let the feelings overcome you to a point where you just want to curl up and sleep for a year. I very nearly got to that point!

Lean on your friends and family and do not be afraid to tell people if you feel down. Use Victim Support to help you through if you want to talk to someone independent. There is no shame in that – we all need support.

I experienced sudden bouts of anger about the situation. Having read about this it is not uncommon. Three weeks after our burglary I went to borrow some change from my son’s moneybox as I mentioned, only to find it empty! I was absolutely livid. Who steals from a small child? I probably took it out on my colleagues, friends and family, poor souls. They’ve been really supportive throughout and hopefully totally understand.

In summary, it really does get better, but may not be as quick as you expect. Hang on in there though and follow my simple guide. I wish you all the best as you move on.

dacouch

It's worth noting that most Police Stations have a crime prevention officer who will come out and give you free unbiased advice on improving your security (I assume they still do this).

Many of the things you can do are very cheap eg preventing potential thieves from getting into your back garden by putting a padlock on your garden gate or planting prickly plants near fences next to public access