Hiding debt from my fianc!..

1888whitechapel

I need to tell her, but I know if I do that will be the end of us, I don't want that to happen as we have got two wonderful children that are only 2 and 6 months

It's all down to me being a stupid teen. Payday loans and overdraft, I owe around £400 to Wonga, about £900 to QuickQuid (this has been outstanding for 12 months too!) and £1,600 overdraft. QQ has been sending emails the past couple of months saying they will sell to a third party collection agency.

It doesn't seem much but money here is stretched thin as it is, and another killer is that we are supposed to be getting married in two years.

I dread telling her, I don't know what to say or how she will react. She's going to leave me I know it.

Pixie5740

You don't know that she will leave you. You're engaged to be married, for richer for poorer and all that.

Unless you have joint accounts with her then your credit files will not affect her credit files.

Lies are a lot worse that debt so you should tell her since you are building a life with her. Before telling her I think you should formulate a plan on how you are going to deal with the debt. Talking things through with a debt charity such as CAP UK or Step Change could help you formulate a plan of action. That way when you do tell her about your debts you can also tell her how you will tackle them.

It's only money after all and the sooner you start talking about your debts with her and a debt charity the less stressed you will feel.

rockm87

I agree, you've got to tell her.

But rather than just present her with your problem, get together you SOA, get some advice on here, and get a plan to sort yourself out. Then you can tell her and she can support you.

best of luck! complete this

http://www.stoozing.com/calculator/soa.php

trev79

I went through something similar, but in the end I had to explain everything, and you know what? She was angry but she understood and stuck by me.

As Pixie says before you speak to her, work out a plan, then tell her everything but then what you are going to do about it, and how you know you messed up but you will be working your socks off to deal with it.

I did exactly that, and even though my other half didn't speak to me for nearly a week, I just kept going. The debt won't go away regardless. Trust me, with that weight off your mind and your partner knowing, you'll feel miles better and focused.

trev79

Also have you asked QQ and Wonga about a payment plan? They'll be willing to do that on the amount you owe, as long as you are honest with them. I used both before many times, and obviously you know that you are better rid of them. QQ were a nightmare towards the end of my plan, but I know I was getting rid of them. Not touched either in over 2 years.

chocolatelover93

You don't know that she will leave you, she is going to marry you so she loves you enough to spend the rest of her life with you

You need to be honest, there is no point in lieing to her, I recently got married and my hubby is rubbish with money. At one point he took the £100 we had saved and spent it on fags and energy drinks I was so upset and we argued about it. In the end he told me his ex-girlfriend would take all his money and spend it on her leaving him with a few pence in his account. So instead of doing the same as her I told him we should sit down and work things out which we did however we need to do that again as we've both fallen off the band wagon, but thats another story.

I suggest that you get someone to look after the children and have a night in and talk to her about it. Tell her how sorry you are and how much it has been worrying you. Yes she might get angry so let her cool off and sure you will work it out.

Hope all goes well sending hugs your way

poppasmurf_bewdley

If you think she'll leave you for the sake of less than £3k debt, then maybe she's not worth keeping.

On the other hand, if you've been lying to her, hiding this debt for more than two years, and telling her all along that everything is OK, then maybe you are not .... do you get the message?

andyfromotley

I'd never leave someone over their debt levels.
I would certainly think about leaving someone who deceived me over an extended period.

1888whitechapel

Thank you everyone for the advice. I'd had forgotten about this until just recently when I had gotten letters. I was slowly paying back my overdraft then I had the loan bombshell dropped in me.

I guess it is just down to figuring out a plan on how to pay them back while still affording to save for the wedding. But like one other said in here, maybe she's not worth keeping if she will leave me over £3k but maybe I'm not worth it for hiding it.

It's just fear getting the better of me, but nothing gets better by sitting around doing nothing.
It's our daughters birthday soon so I will leave it until after that to talk to her about it, I'll have to wear a bubble suit because she is going to be p1$$ed, understandably. Good luck to me!

DandelionPatrol

1888whitechapel wrote: »

Thank you everyone for the advice. I'd had forgotten about this until just recently when I had gotten letters. I was slowly paying back my overdraft then I had the loan bombshell dropped in me.

I guess it is just down to figuring out a plan on how to pay them back while still affording to save for the wedding. But like one other said in here, maybe she's not worth keeping if she will leave me over £3k but maybe I'm not worth it for hiding it.

It's just fear getting the better of me, but nothing gets better by sitting around doing nothing.
It's our daughters birthday soon so I will leave it until after that to talk to her about it, I'll have to wear a bubble suit because she is going to be p1$$ed, understandably. Good luck to me!

You have 2 kids together. Now when you tell her, she might not be the most rational, which would be understandable.

But if it is a debt of just £3000, it would be foolish of her to leave you if everything else is right - because she would then have a life of CSA and being a single mum.

Part of getting everything else right is coming clean over this, which you have acknowledged.

Now, just do your bit and get your Statement of Affairs done, so that people here can help you put your financial plan together.

trev79

Nobody's perfect, we all make mistakes. It's what you do now that counts.