Messed my life up, lost all hope

Maladaptive

Graduated in 2010 and have only held 2 jobs with massive gaps in between which were spent doing nothing. I didn't try to start a business, learn a new skill/trade or even do any volunteer work. I just sat on my backside daydreaming as the days and weeks ticked by.

I never thought it at the time but I've come to the realisation that I was in a depressive state. I've always lacked confidence, despite my academic performance. Leaving school/university and struggling to find a job through lack of effort because of low self esteem and fear of rejection crushed what little confidence I had left. The past couple of months my depressive state has spiralled out of control and I need to find work now otherwise I really fear the worst for my physical and mental health.

I have tried to speak to my doctor about this. On the first occasion I'm sure the doctor thought I was trying to get a prescription for anti depressants and I left without any advice or help. On the second occasion, about 2 years back, I told another doctor how I felt isolated, depressed and inadequate and he responded by questioning me about my sex life (!!!!!!). Needless to say I left feeling worse and do not wish to involve my GP at all.

So the question is how do I get back on track. Looking back at the past couple of jobs I have definitely felt happier when working. But how do I explain the gaps because I can't admit to suffering depression since my applications that previously went nowhere will almost certainly go no where near nowhere. Honestly I can't take anymore of this, life is passing me by, every single day seems to pass quicker than the last

duchy

You could say you went travelling (and not mention it was in your head not physically).

Sounds like the routine of needing to go to work every day is better mentally for you. As for your GP to refuse help because one single GP didn't "get you" is nuts - Find a better one or insist this one refers you to counselling. If you had an issue with your car and the first garage you took it too was useless - you'd just take it to another one. No different with your health.

Scorpio33

What I would say is: You haven't messed up.


Most likely you will be working until at least 65, so you have a few years yet to make up any "mistakes" (as you see them) now. Be gentle on yourself.


What I would say is that, depending on the gap, I would just say that you were travelling, enjoying being able to do that whilst you are young, but now you are ready to join the working world. You could mention the two jobs, as they were to help you fund your travelling.




What I would say is that think about what you do enjoy. If money was no object, what would you do all day. Once you know that, think about your past achievements and think about how those skills can help you get a job in what you want. You graduated - that is an achievement. You must have passed exams to get into Uni to. You will also have personal achievements.


Just don't be too hard on yourself, just try and learn from whatever mistakes you may have made and move on from it. We all make mistakes, it is only human.

asajj

First of all, no you haven't messed up as above.

Try finding something that would occupy you meanwhile. You could do some volunteering. This will help you to gain some skills, gain confidence.

Give a call to Mind. You can refer yourself.
http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/helplines/

tomtontom

How are you supporting yourself?

Have a look at recruitment agencies, tell them you'll do anything - you can often pick up work very quickly that way. Also retailers are currently recruiting for Christmas, along with Royal Mail - the latter not looking for any experience in particular.

Be careful digging yourself into a hole with lies. It's all fine until someone asks you about your trip ...

engineer_amy

As others have already said, I would urge you to speak to a doctor again. Request a different doctor, or change practices if you have no confidence in the ones you have already seen. Ask for counselling, not medication. Just speaking to someone without being judged can have a massive effect on your state of mind.


In terms of finding work, try agencies and various retailers/distribution centres in the run up to Christmas who will be screaming for extra bodies and wont always require experience. Get a few short term temporary assignments to start off with that can give you some more experience that will help when applying for permanent jobs.


As for explaining the gaps in the CV,
"Be careful digging yourself into a hole with lies. It's all fine until someone asks you about your trip ..."
I agree with this. How about just saying that you had family responsibilities to deal with but now circumstances have changed and you are looking for work? Things like that tend not to invite too many follow up questions and you wont have to concoct an elaborate cover story.

RedfordML

Don't worry, I graduated in 2007 and am still search for that work satisfaction and career! I am totally disillusioned, lack the confidence and self belief which has been a bit of a handicap throughout my working life.


Hopefully we are both sat here in 12 months, new jobs, new focus and work satisfaction and happiness.


I often think I am the only one, in a rut with no light at the end of the tunnel. I would advise volunteering for a local charity (if you can afford to)

bugslet

tomtontom wrote: »

Have a look at recruitment agencies, tell them you'll do anything - you can often pick up work very quickly that way. Also retailers are currently recruiting for Christmas, along with Royal Mail - the latter not looking for any experience in particular.

.

Second that - it really doesn't matter too much what you do at the moment, it's more about getting some structure into your day which you say suits you, gets you some money in your pocket and with luck you'll work with some OK people and the camaraderie alone will make up for repetitive work. I also think there's a lot to be said for physical work sometimes, good for the body is good for the mind.

Once you can get over that first hurdle, you'll find yourself more able to deal with everything.

Good luck

RedfordML

bugslet wrote: »

Second that - it really doesn't matter too much what you do at the moment, it's more about getting some structure into your day which you say suits you, gets you some money in your pocket and with luck you'll work with some OK people and the camaraderie alone will make up for repetitive work. I also think there's a lot to be said for physical work sometimes, good for the body is good for the mind.

Once you can get over that first hurdle, you'll find yourself more able to deal with everything.

Good luck

To be fair, that's a great bit of advice.


Its that positive attitude I am trying to adopt in roles which are sole destroying me.

dawyldthing

I graduated in 2010 and at first did a lot of temping to keep me going. Once you show how you go on they can often keep you going and can be a key to new roles and new skills.

Inbetween possibly volunteering would get you out the house and help with new skills. I know a lot of charity shops are often advertising and I know for my step dad it was a step for him getting a job in the end as they acted as a reference and showed his dedication etc

Klutz

Hi

Your situation sounds like a lot of people. I have spent years supporting people who have experienced poor mental health or other health problems to find and keep work.

I would say that the most important thing is to get connected. That could be through employment support services or volunteering or through friends and family etc. Showing all of these people that you really want to work and are making your own efforts can go a long way. For one thing, you need to start practicing talking about yourself in relation to work, so that you can develop your 'elevator pitch'. That's what you would say if you were in an elevator with a company boss and wanted a job. Its not good enough to say you would "do anything", because it doesn't show them what you like to do, are good at or motivated by. So start by thinking about what skills or knowledge you might like to use and go from there ...

I would also say that it is really important that whilst you are now trying hard to get into work, that you don't see is as a desperate thing. If you do then every day that goes by before you get a job is going to hurt. You have set yourself a challenge to get work, which is great, now you have to find ways to try to be energised and motivated by the search. You are going to fail sometimes. You are going to apply for jobs and get rejected ... that is par for the course. You have to expect these set backs and challenges and keep going, because you have decided that achieving this is really want you want to do.

Lastly, back to talking to people ... there is nothing like having some to cheer you on. Someone who believes you when you say you want to achieve this.

Take care and good luck!