Asking for Help/Advice.

Olliegami

Okay.

I keep putting this off.

This is a long one, so I'll try to keep is short but concise.

I was made redundant, with 14 other people from my workplace of 9+ years.

With the money I decided !!!! it, and went to Australia for the year. (Instead of paying off debts)
I maintained debt repayments for as long as possible.

I worked as an au pair for a family that I struggled with, was working well over 'expectations' and was paid minimally for it.

Went to Melbourne once I got out of there and started staying in a hostel. Once my money ran out, I was lucky enough to get a job working at the hostel for my accommodation.

The money ran out, so I had to call all my debtors (three of them) to explain the situation. They have frozen payments and interest temporarily.

I had been visiting a GP here to access medication (which has also been a problem). I was referred to psychologist and was subsequently diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. This fits me perfectly, felt a lot like things were getting better.

Totally crashed. In efforts to save money, I've cut from 90mg to 60 mg of medication, it's affecting me already.

Visited GP. He basically told me that he felt it would be best if I go home ASAP to start treatment. Mentioned staying with my Mum who lives in the US. Thinks that's a good idea given diagnosis, etc.

So my problem is this: I need to get enough money together to get home. I'm struggling to work anything other than the shifts given at work, 8pm - 12pm four nights a week.

I've tried doing freelance work on Upworks and Fivesquid, I've already determined that getting a job means either working in retail/waitressing and the addition of customers and having to keep a smiling face. Right now, I can't do it, and that kind of work has always been hard for me.

I want to know what the best course of action is, really. If anyone knows of any support systems I can lean on for a while, or anything like that. I've been looking at loans/credit cards, but with the amount of missed payments I've had it looks impossible.

I'm not even sure where I'm going to go once I get home, and I've worked out that I need about £2,000 to get home and get back to my home town. The time I spend with my Mum will be invaluable, I've seen her for 2 weeks in the last 8 years and right now, especially now I understand my diagnosis and the state of my mental health I think I need that more than anything especially as my relationships with my family back home are so incredibly stinted.

Thanks in advance.

Bobarella

Hi Ollie

I used to read your diary, and had wondered how life was since you left the au pair job. It sounds like its been incredibly rough.

First ask, and appreciate you may have already discounted this but in light of your health problem, could anyone in your family pay to get you home?

Bob

sourcrates

Hi,
Have you approached the British embassy for help/advice on this ?
They may be able to help you if you have an urgent medical need.


Aside from that, your only other option, as you say, is to earn money for your flight.

AspiringButAnxious

First of all, scrimping on your medication is a false economy. If you take the correct doasge, you will find it easier to cope and be in a better position to figure out ways to get money. Prioritise this above everything else.

Secondly, do whatever you can to get the money you need to get home: ask friends for favours, contact charities, sell anything you can, do whatever work you can find — small, casual jobs can add up quickly, so offer your services to anyone who might want an hour's help with the cleaning or ironing. You don't need to smile through that kind of work and most people are happy to leave you to it.

Be honest about your predicament: it's not your fault you have BPD (so do I, btw!) and you will only be able to deal with your debts once you get the treatment you need. Even if you have to borrow money from somebody — which is obviously best avoided, I know — it will be better for you in the long-term. Your health is your top priority right now, not your finances.

Depending on her situation, your best bet is probably to ask your mum to fund your plane ticket. You can pay her back when you are receiving the correct treatment and feeling better. Tell her how desperate you are — chances are she will want to help you in any way she can. If there is anyone else you can ask, ask them. Maybe individual friends and family members are unable to pay your whole fare, but might be willing to contribute something — you could set up a crowdfunding page to ask for donations.

I know it's embarrassing to admit you need help, but you shouldn't be ashamed. Sure, you acted unwisely by going to Australia instead of putting more money towards your debts, but you aren't responsible for having BPD. I think most of us with mental illnesses have had to swallow our pride on at least a couple of occasions to get the help we need.

Olliegami

@Bobarella, I completely lost track of money after that... and I've pretty much just been existing. Thanks for checking it. It's good to hear from you. xx I did the impatient thing again, as always and went with posting this before I've spoken to my Mum. The need to be pro active in some way is high! I'm hoping to get results.

@sourcrates I had a look at the British Embassy's website for Australia, and it clearly stated that there are no hand out except in extreme cases. I've had difficulty over the last 4 months trying to work, despite having a casual supply job, I haven't gone in a long time, mostly because of the illness, now I recognise what's going on. Thank you for commenting, I think I will try to get in touch with the embassy anyway, and see if they have any other advice.

@AspiringButAnxious - Hi! It's really soothing to hear from you as a fellow Borderline. It's been a very strange experience, and a lot of things have happened that have helped me understand myself better and most of all, if I hadn't come to Australia I would never have my BPD diagnosis (or it would have taken me being more insistent. I've been on anti-depressants on and off since I was 16 and only ever been told I have depression!!) I don't regret coming here, but it wasn't the best idea...!

I'm about to go upstairs and see what I can sell without selling something I know I will regret getting rid of. I've been using a lot of the usual PTC websites, G1ftHulk etc etc to try and bolster my wallet because I know that every little helps.

Asking family/friends for some help is next on my list. As well as trying to generate more interest in the freelance work I've posted on Fivesquid. Thanks for commenting, it means a lot.

NeverAgain2

Sounds like you're having a hugely tough time. How much does your Mum know? Can she help with the flights?

Bobarella

Maybe start your diary up again if you can face it. I'm sure there are others here like Anxious But Aspiring that may be able to suggest coping strategies etc. Really hope you can find a way to get home soon.

theoretica

I am sorry to add to things you need to think about, but will you have trouble accessing what health care you need in the US?

Olliegami

Neveragain - My mum knows everything. We've developed a very close relationship over the last year, that was obsolete before then. (Part of the BPD, really.) She is trying to find out how much she can help, but it's my step-dad that knows how much they could loan me, so she's waiting to hear from him. A good friend has already offered £100, which is a fabulous start!

Bobarella - I was thinking about that after you mentioned you used to read it. I've been looking for somewhere that I feel safe to write about everything. This might just be the answer.

theoretica - I'm just visiting my Mum for the 90 days that I can see her. Not sure when my next chance will be. Like I said, we've developed a closer relationship and I know it's going to be important for my therapy going forward. I'll only need medication whilst I'm there, and I can get that quite cheaply whilst I'm here.