unsecured loan soon after mortgage

foxtrotoscar_2

You'll just end up paying 20k for a boiler.

uncreative

foxtrotoscar wrote: »

You'll just end up paying 20k for a boiler.

Beautifully put:T

Thrugelmir

If they are struggling with debt. Let them sort their own problems out. Quick fixes don't work as it doesn't address the question why?

WellKnownSid

davegib20 wrote: »

in return they will use some of the money to buy central heating for my new house.

This is, by the way, known as the reciprocity technique. A typically dysfunctional sales technique, used the world over. Example: car windscreen washers who jump out in front of you when you stop at the lights. You get your windscreen cleaned, then they stand over you menacingly, looking for money.

The principle is - you've been offered 'free central heating' - what's not to like? In turn - you feel obliged to help them out because THEY have been so generous to YOU.

If you don't return the favour (reciprocation) you're the one that's being unreasonable and unfair. It's a deliberately chosen technique designed to make YOU feel bad.

davegib20

Thanks for all the replies. To answer some of the questions above, they do not budget as far as I can tell, we could afford to pay the loan and have enough annual income to cater for it. I have discussed it with my wife but it is obviously a sensitive subject. We wont be going ahead with it. My thoughts pretty much echo all the above and it leaves us in a position now where we have to let them down gently and hope its not held against us. I do want to help them but not in this way.

Not sure how they will respond to help with budgeting though

[Deleted User]

Good decision. You've just saved yourself 25-30k.

WellKnownSid

davegib20 wrote: »

we have to let them down gently and hope its not held against us.

In our case it was probably a very similar situation. Debts were 'holding the sister- and brother-in-law back'. It was all just so unfair. They just wanted to be able to move on in life. Surely that wasn't too much to ask?

It was held against us when we said no.

It was also held against us when the parents-in-law eventually stepped in and said yes.

The parents-in-law more or less made it clear to all that it was important that they should be able to enjoy the same things that we had (and that we had worked for / saved for). Overtones that we were the selfish spoilsports.

I'm not sure that was a particularly sensible message to give. Things became awfully quiet when it was clear that habits hadn't been changed and that the parents-in-law weren't going to be getting any money back soon. Or at all - because then they needed that well-earned break away to the Greek islands. Then a new Volkswagen appeared on the drive. Lessons not learned.

Grit your teeth. Do talk it through with your wife (and be positive about other ways you might help them out). If you do offer to help out with budgeting, make sure your wife understands that rejection of this help might imply a deeper problem.

Don't feel guilty if you can shrewdly save money every month or if you can afford to buy that latte. Don't try and kid yourself that you could 'easily afford the repayments' because they are not actually your repayments to make...

Sermon over :beer:

andyfromotley

Point them to these forums and buy them YNAB. Problem solved.

owlet

So relieved you aren't going ahead. Don't accept if they ask you to be guarantor for a loan either.

As someone else said, just say you can't actually get a loan because of your new mortgage.

These boards have hundreds of threads where people have done just that (taken loan out for friends/family or acted as guarantor) and they have been left paying for it themselves.

You never know if in the future, you may need that loan for yourselves. It isn't being selfish, it's being sensible.

Don't let other family members make you feel guilty either. Turn it around that reckless spending got them in this hole & budgeting will get them out.

Send them to this forum & the Debt Free Wannabe board.

davegib20

Thanks folks, really appreciate the help. I think I already knew what I would do but its good to get reassurance. Im going to offer help budgeting with a view to them helping themselves. In my opinion, its the only way this will get solved. Thanks again