Considering DMP - SOA advice please

AliceBanned

Hi Catriona


Nice to hear from you. I'm having quite a low time in many ways and I agree with what you are saying. My next goal is a two bed place so that I can have a lodger, but I need to repay some debt before I can get a larger mortgage. I only own 40% of my property and can't even borrow for more of that. Also I need to consider what areas I could live in and be certain I could get reasonable pay. I don't want to move to the midlands on my own as I grew up there and don't like it, mainly for that reason, and I have a few friends here though not many. I don't particularly want to move away from the town I am in (Hemel Hempstead) as it has a good balance of what I need with good transport links, and is reasonably priced property-wise. However it is in a bit of a bubble at the moment and I think two-beds are out of reach, at least in nice areas so I need to compromise and see what I can get and where, without spending £4-5k on rail fare to ensure I can get work that is suitable for me.


The moving away from London issue - I know what you are saying but I am in Herts and there are cheap parts of Herts so I could stay nearby and still commute - I think commuting to London or another big city is my only option workwise for now anyway. But I do think a lot along the lines of what you are saying. It is no life, but I feel I am working towards having one, starting with repaying some debt, but agree it is an uphill and slow struggle so it is a balancing act at the moment - whether to wait a year and then move. To be honest I couldn't even afford to put my flat on the market as I need about £300 to pay for a valuation!! That is how bad it is.


I have taken this week off work and have done some moneysaving diy as my flat is always a tip without enough storage, but I don't want to pay a handyman. I was also supposed to be looking for a job but have sort of collapsed in a heap with all the stress I am under and hoping the break will still do me good.


I accidentally paid out £100 to EE on Friday night and am trying to get it back - I clicked on the wrong payee on online banking - was supposed to transfer it to my other current account. So I am fed up of things like that ruining my mood and having to struggle on and on. I am starting to see light at the end of the tunnel at times and then I feel it is hopeless. I really want to be in a better position financially before I decide about property etc, as well as emotionally as a move would be hard at the moment.


No I haven't worked out my debt-free date. I also was turned down for another Capital One card and don't seem eligible for any other BT ones at all. I figured that if I carried on as I am doing until the end of March then I should be in a better position and hopefully can shift more of the debt to low rate cards, and might again transfer some onto a credit union loan, as the interest on eg the Halifax card is ridiculous as I have had the debt for so long (Halifax won't budge on it).


Sorry for long ramble but I have my up and down days and at the moment it is down - it may be as I am not at work this week so I am facing it head on instead of keeping busy - but I need a break. I would love a holiday in the sun, doing yoga or something and yes the lifestyle you talk about sounds much better. I am in quite a rut and am constantly working towards and thinking how I can get out of it, and hoping in time it will come.

Verbatim

I hope you find time to relax and enjoy your break from work too.

AliceBanned

Thanks Verbatim. I am starting to relax - back at work on Tuesday so I am going to try and enjoy the rest of the weekend. I have been quite stressed really, everything seems to be going wrong!


My flat is much tidier and I am making plans to make it more homely, as cheaply as possible and doing it over time. So I have spent a little bit and trying not to feel guilty as they are things I need eg curtains lol.

catriona79

Hello Alice,

Didn't want to read and run and so this is only a Short post to say hope you are alright.
Glad to hear you've had some time off and enjoyed the flat. Curtains, lovely! What did you get, plain or pattern? You certainly need those!
Hope you sleep well
C x

catriona79

Hello Alice,

Well done on your money saving diy! :money:

I noticed you'd done work on your car before as well, that's amazing.

There's nothing you can do about being refused for credit, you will need to ride it out and take your time until it improves. You sound like you are a patient person, and you have made your choices re what you want out of life, not moving away from London etc. Now it's just a waiting game until you get it under control. Maybe doing some medium term planning is a good idea, then you know what the timeline is?

Stick it into a spreadsheet and see it decrease; also then the feeling of impatience will go, because you will know exactly what you can expect. That should help you feel more in control and stop the feelings of not getting out of debt faster (which is what we all want!). It should also help you be kinder to yourself, and feel pride in achieving those small goals along the way.

Maybe you will also want to post the timeline in your signature and in this diary. That way you will have a proper goal. It's easier to work to a goal than without one, it's one of the rules I've read about, in saving for the future / financial independence etc.

Also it will be good psychologically and for the diary - a countdown of sorts. It will focus you. I think that will also give you positivity (which we all need) when you have achieved the reasonable goals which you set yourself. I used to aim very high but without a clear plan and continuously felt that I wasn't doing well enough, resulting in me feeling low, resulting in a lack of motivation to carry on.

Set a clear and achievable but challenging goal and persevere.

I think that now by making it clear that your aim is to stay In the South East, you have removed certain options from the equation, leaving yourself with a clear / single path ahead. That's good work - you know what you don't want, now you need to put it into a plan and execute!

Sending you positive vibes, and let me know when you are ready with a plan!!!

AliceBanned

Hi Catriona


I think it would be too much upheaval for me to move for at least another year - I need to try to make new friends and get out more as well.


Re your earlier post - I bought some fabric from Laura Ashley in the sale to make my living room curtains! I ordered a small roman blind for the other living room window. The room will start to look much more homely. I am on the first floor so have managed without curtains in that room, but it just looks bare and after two winters staring at the black outside I decided to treat myself.


I think my triggers for spending money are similar to the ones you mentioned - sometimes I've just had enough and the actual shopping can uplift me slightly - but in the long run unless they are things that I need then I'm wasting my time. There are some things I need though (such as a new electric shower!) but I have to wait for. I wouldn't say I am all that patient, but I am really trying to make myself be. I would like my home to feel luxurious for some reason, but that costs money. I am trying to add a few things fairly cheaply and then accept it as it is. I can get really ocd about it and want it to be way more luxurious than I can afford. That's the difficult one for me. I don't know why I get so obsessed with that - it may be something about not feeling good enough.


The goal setting is a good idea. At the moment my head is still in a muddle, though I still have the YNAB and am using that - I sometimes get in a muddle with that. I partly took this week off to get rid of the muddled feeling, by tidying, reorganising etc because I can't afford to go away anyway. So it is more relaxing at home now but it has been a lot of work. I haven't got a debt free date yet but will try and work on it after my November paycheque as then I may be able to get most of the credit union money out, and work on things from there. I know I need to be clearer and more definite as I start to slip a bit..that 'oh what the hell, I want it' feeling.

Verbatim

Hi Alice
It sounds as if you've had a very productive holiday. You're a woman of many talents; car repairs and curtain making too!
Is there a possibilitybof making money from any of your skills?

AliceBanned

Ha ha thanks verbatim. I do enjoy diy. I was telling a friend that I am thinking of doing a tiling course so that I can tile my own kitchen and bathroom. That's slightly daunting but I guess I like the sense of achievement - especially if it saves me money! I also don't have much to do - it's a bit sad as I should be out having a good time but I keep withdrawing and doing up my flat. ;-)


I did do massage courses several years ago and was thinking I should pick that up and do some at the weekends.


How to go about it I'm not sure - it is terrifying thinking of switching from someone who trained to someone taking money for treatments. I guess I doubt myself a lot as the course was pretty good. I would need some kind of refresher course to get my confidence back.


I'm also very indecisive - which is probably why I take an interest in so many areas and never stick to one!

catriona79

AliceBanned wrote: »

Hi Catriona

I haven't got a debt free date yet but will try and work on it after my November paycheque as then I may be able to get most of the credit union money out, and work on things from there. I know I need to be clearer and more definite as I start to slip a bit..that 'oh what the hell, I want it' feeling.

Hello Alice,

Wow you made your own curtains, amazing!!!!

I completely get your need to feel homely in your house, I'm similar in that regard, hence the thousands of debt I've been paying off!

Re what you wrote above, I will say again that if you set what your goal is (and an achievable one) then every time you want a new lipstick or top, you will think that you aren't going to meet your goal.
Without your goal, psychologically, it is harder to deny yourself.

As an example, it is my goal to pay off my credit card which has £850 on it, and I need to do it this month. I also need a monitor for my uni work, as I'm writing and researching a lot. Today I went into town and I (a) parked in a street for free and walked for 20 minutes to save £10 car parking and (2) looked at the monitor I want, thought it was great but then thought that I wouldn't hit my target. So I mulled it over and walked away.
Without the target, I would have just said - I need a monitor for studying, I'm going to have to get one, so may as well get one now". And I wouldn't ever have paid the bloomin' card!

It's always a choice and having a target makes you accountable to yourself.

You will get to target faster if you start working on it now. I'll try and find an article or two and post it here.

catriona79

"A powerful goal is important, but the key to achieving it is the choices and steps you make every day.

Don’t drop dead before you start. Translate your goals into small, actionable steps that you can carry out each day, and then take those steps to achieve your aim."

http://monevator.com/new-year-resolutions/

And:

"We all slip-up. I work fewer hours than I plan to, get out of the city less than I vow to, and I still haven’t learned to sail or scuba dive. If robots ever take over the world, they’ll do it by following their program, rather than immediately heading to the pub.

Since you’re going to have setbacks – spending too much one month, or eating an extra sausage – you have to get into the mindset that small failures are okay, provided the bigger mission is still on track.

If you don’t do this, your goal will blow up at the first misstep, and it could take some of you with it.

The scared and self-defeating part of yourself would just love to get you off the hook by throwing in the towel. Don’t let it. The fear of failure looms large for most of us, but it clearly isn’t all-powerful. If it were, we’d never achieve anything.

Calmly accept you’re human. Look squarely at your setback for what it was – a small skirmish in a battle that you’ve vowed to win.

Give a nod to your human frailties, and then re-focus on your goals and succeed!"