Considering DMP - SOA advice please

AliceBanned

asparagus1968 wrote: »

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/2288681


some ideas here....

Wow that's so helpful, thanks! Going to start looking into this..! Just of to have dinner so will read it properly later.


Thanks for your other post and supportive comments, it really helps!:)

AliceBanned

Hello


Financially things are a bit better and I feel I'm slowly getting somewhere, but I also feel on the point of resigning from my job. Of course the debts make this terrifying.


I've stuck it out for too long, it has damaged my self-esteem, and today is a case in point. I came up with an idea (I am the only one in the team who did) for an activity for a dept meeting - we are asked to do this every six months. We got really positive feedback from other managers and overall, saying we had set the bar really high for the next one. I wish I worked for one of the managers who sent us an email of praise - he is so open and genuine and supportive. My manager didn't tell the group it was my idea, so effectively took all the credit for it (he is a lot louder than me, I'm very quiet and just get on with work and come up with great ideas. :mad:). He even had the nerve to call me and my 3 (female of course) colleagues 'lovely assistants' whilst we were doing the exercise.


I came home and cried because I feel so used and undervalued. It is the third time there that someone has 'stolen' my work there and I must be such a pushover. The first time it was a very senior medic so that tells you I have some writing ability - he tried to pass it off as his own and it does happen. I just feel I have this ability and it gets downtrodden and I am in the gutter.:(. It's very hurtful and at the same time a call to action - I feel resigning on principle would make me feel better and free me to up to go and be me and stop being plagiarised and walked all over.


I've been thinking of doing a Saturday journalism course for a while - a whole year of Saturdays..won't be easy. Hopefully then the work I do will be my own and it will be clear who I am and what I do, instead of being a 'lovely assistant'.


I'm not a total pushover though. I get my voice heard somehow. Our latest 'anonymous' questionnaire is coming round in a week and I'm going to make sure I put how I feel about my relationship with my manager after this humiliation..the spotlight will be right back on him (though I'm in an organisation that pulls rank and won't give a toss). The survey is run by an external company who comes up with feedback and a score. Some of the 'free text' comments get put up on a screen at the whole-organisation meeting - around 350 people. I've seen one of mine on there before. But they do tell us we must be honest so that they can improve! Yes just fire your useless bone-idle managers then!!

asparagus1968

Hi there, ouch about the job!
I left my job 3 years ago-totally had enough of being treated like rubbish. I didn't have a job to go to, but had enough cash for 3 months, and no debts.
It was a really rash thing to do, luckily it all worked out fine, but I wouldn't recommend it
Get looking for something else, get your reference and get on with your life. The course sounds really good, sounds like a positive thing to do.
How is the shower etc getting on?

AliceBanned

asparagus1968 wrote: »

Hi there, ouch about the job!
I left my job 3 years ago-totally had enough of being treated like rubbish. I didn't have a job to go to, but had enough cash for 3 months, and no debts.
It was a really rash thing to do, luckily it all worked out fine, but I wouldn't recommend it
Get looking for something else, get your reference and get on with your life. The course sounds really good, sounds like a positive thing to do.
How is the shower etc getting on?

.

Thanks asparagus. I am disillusioned. .which is a positive thing..free of illusions now. Have to get away from losers above me holding me back!:D

Started jobhunt last night and this event really motivated me. I have a week off in nov so will focus on it more then. Also spoken to employee (external) assistance programme and they were very sympathetic and going to set up free counselling to help build my confidence back up while still there. It's insidious bullying after all. My manager is a very low species for behaving like that..i really can't stand people like that.

No more action taken on shower..funds have sunk into my credit card debts and i can wait. I joined payasugym.com and got 2 months for £30 so can enjoy spa experience in nice local hotel gym. So not in hurry to spend on bathroom until im more stable financially. Probably January. My credit rating is improving so paying more on cards has helped. When i get a new 0% deal i will find it easier but frugal living untik then including no shower!

Yes i realise my debts make it hard to just walk..all the more reason to bust them. You did well to save 3 months' pay and no debt.

catriona79

Hello Alice,

Just caught up on your latest adventures. Sorry to hear about the boss, mine does that too, it can be annoying. But as per your sig, if you can change it, do!

Aside from the boss's behaviour being disappointing, i think in your situation, the job is actually keeping you in London, whereas if you wanted to ever get on top of things financially, it would probably be better done somewhere where living is cheaper. Im in the Midlands, and I know I could never have the quality of life I have here if I were in London. Especially if you want the security of owning your place. Your salary might drop by 10%, but your living costs would drop by 35%. You might even get a two bed house with a garden and be able to take in a lodger for a year or two. That's what I have done and the debts are falling off, and it's soooo empowering to do that instead of struggling every month!
Obviously, the relocation would mean making new friends, which might be daunting. I tried meetup.com before and that's been fantastic.

It seems like there are more and more reasons calling for a change, for a healthier work life balance, better travel to work, a better boss and a bank balance in the black.

Obviously, there are no perfect options, and I am sure there would be downsides, but that's just life. Financially and emotionally though, I think your flat has been keeping you feeling very low.

But it's up to you to decide and to make the change - if you want to! Whatever you decide, I wish you all the best x

asparagus1968

great ideas from Catriona79


p.s the savings just lasted long enough for me to find a job, then I went and got a car loan! It is manageable though....


could you have nice long showers at the hotel gym?

selloptape

AliceBanned wrote: »

Hello


I came up with an idea (I am the only one in the team who did) for an activity for a dept meeting - we are asked to do this every six months. We got really positive feedback from other managers and overall, saying we had set the bar really high for the next one. I wish I worked for one of the managers who sent us an email of praise - he is so open and genuine and supportive. My manager didn't tell the group it was my idea, so effectively took all the credit for it

Your manager sounds awful ... Could claim the credit in a sneaky way by replying to the nice managers email and thanking them for the praise, throwing in 'I was a bit nervous as it was my idea but so pleased it went down well, thank you so much for the positive feedback, I'm so glad I put my idea forward now'

AliceBanned

selloptape wrote: »

Your manager sounds awful ... Could claim the credit in a sneaky way by replying to the nice managers email and thanking them for the praise, throwing in 'I was a bit nervous as it was my idea but so pleased it went down well, thank you so much for the positive feedback, I'm so glad I put my idea forward now'

Oh, if only I had waited until I got your message. I did already reply to him saying 'we had fun putting it together' as me, the manager and two others contributed. Such a good idea though, thanks. If anyone else mentions it to the team I will do that and copy them all in.


Yes my manager is a bit of a prat. He is always trying to impress and kiss everyone's !!!, and keep me down probably cos I'm a threat. It makes me feel quite sick to think of some of his behaviour, though it is not constantly that bad (obviously or I couldn't have handled 7 years of it). But it takes its toll and it is unfair. I am still unsure about possibly chatting to HR but it will make me sound very paranoid and sometimes it is easier to say less and move on, there is nothing I can do now about my lack of muscle in the organisation. I'm just not the sort of person who pushes my way, I think merit alone should be enough, but it isn't.

AliceBanned

asparagus1968 wrote: »

great ideas from Catriona79


p.s the savings just lasted long enough for me to find a job, then I went and got a car loan! It is manageable though....


could you have nice long showers at the hotel gym?

.


Deep down I know I would get a job of some kind, but I also don't see why I should rush into anything and then have to look again if that one has been something I took in a hurry. Not sure. I will get on with applying a lot more and that will make me feel better. I just feel I need some kind of 'support' eg the course would be something to force me into a different dynamic, if that makes sense.


The showers are ok at the hotel gym, but after Jacuzzi, steam, sauna and swim as well I usually feel nice and extra clean and so much better. I tried to go to a different one today but my satnav packed up and I had to come home. So it will be a shallow bath instead..lol.


Generally if I start swimming and using the gym more I won't miss the shower much - part of it is the sense of hydrotherapy as I get back pain and can be fairly tense and achey. So the spa experience is pretty much something I need once every week or two. I can do this cheaply and without monthly membership, thanks to the flexible booking.

The other thing about my boss is that other people think he (and the director above him, they are in it together) are wonderful. They can't see the truth, even HR don't see the most obvious things - they trust people due to their positions, which is far from the right attitude. If you give people more power you have to watch them more vigilantly. My director even proudly referred to himself as Putin when the dept expanded; he was so proud. He is not the CEO but he is at the top engineering things and no one can see he has too much power. He joined the organisation when there were 20 people - donkey's years ago - and now there are over 350.


I can't remember whether I mentioned but we had a nice new CEO and she left after a year in mysterious circumstances. .
Nice people probably can't be happy there..she has another job now and didn't even work her notice..hmmm. She seemed an ethical person though so I don't think she was the one in the wrong. I guess it is too hard even for a CEO to beat the system sometimes.

AliceBanned

Just wanted to share some positive news. I looked at my mortgage account online today, for the first time since I got onto a much better rate. As my mortgage is only £50k as I only own 40%, and the interest rate is now 1.99%, I am only paying around £82pm in interest!! That cheered me up. For some reason I didn't realise it would make as big a difference as that - I was more concerned about the monthly payments themselves going down.


So I may still have all these cards but I am slightly tempted to throw an extra £50-60 pm on the mortgage fairly soon - not quite yet but I should take advantage of this time as the rates may go up once I am out of the fixed rate. Even the fact that I think I might be able to is great, as I was struggling to make ends meet at all 2 months ago. I have paid off the credit union loan that was costing me £163pm and nearly paid off the other cu loan. So outgoings are reducing massively fairly quickly, though still a long way to go with those cards on high interest rates. I am slightly less panicky and on the right trajectory..thanks everyone for your knowledge and encouragement - it makes all the difference that there are kind folks out there. :A