Help me deal with Christmas this year

mashedavocado

I normally wouldn't consider Christmas this early but a family member has just asked me about it and I think I need to take action.

My family buy for everyone. It drives me crackers because this even includes cousins I only see twice a year. Not big presents, but when you're buying for everyone it all adds up.

OH's family don't; he buys a small gift for parents, his brother and SIL, and small niece. This to me is much more sensible.

We've just had a baby so this will be her first Christmas. We want to keep things very low key, especially given that she won't have a clue about any of it.

I want to approach my family to stop the incessant gift giving but I don't know how. A Facebook message seems a little crass but it's the only way I have of contacting all of them. I also, ungrateful as it may sound, don't want to be inundated with gifts for the baby. If it's toys she'll never get round to playing with them all; clothes she has plenty of anyway. Would it be really awful to say we're planning on buying her a bigger thing and just saying if people want to buy her something then to contribute towards that?

Argh! I just don't know how to handle it. Particularly one family member who's already said they'd be spending an amount on baby that's more than we were planning to. It's just ridiculous...

C_J

This is such a tricky and sensitive thing to deal with. So often we get caught up in feeling that we HAVE to give presents to the wider family simply because that's how it has always been, but you can't necessarily gauge how people will take it if you suggest otherwise now. Some relatives may be relieved, but you can bet that some will be offended and that can make things very difficult.

A friend of mine was particularly short of money one Christmas, having recently lost her job. Her brother had asked for some incredibly expensive toy for his young daughter, and so my friend suggested very nicely that she might be able to find a good quality second hand one and asked if that would be acceptable given her lack of funds. Her brother didn't speak to her for about six months afterwards.

I'd be tempted to send an email circular to everyone to say that this year, due to a change in your family circumstances, you will only be giving small token gifts this Christmas, and that you don't expect anything greater than this in return. Or perhaps suggest a £5 family secret santa for those who are actually together on Christmas Day.

Good luck!

Gettingtherequickly

Let them know, that now you have your own little one, you realise that as a family you are getting bigger and you don't feel comfortable about spending so much money now, especially as babies are not cheap. However, you could suggest you all have some fun trying to get as much as possible for as little as possible. Depending on how many are involved, maybe £5 for a single person, £10 for a family. This can include getting free samples, making something & then on the day itself, for all of those together, having a prize for the best one, got to be a silly one though!

simsi

No Winter Wonderland for me this year as I'm spending Christmas and NYE in Florida. We are going to stay at the ph Premiere Condo hotel in Orlando, we are going to World Disney World, Seaworld. I'm going to use the SPA and walk around the beach yes

Sezzagirl

I thought Martin Lewis had put together something for this very purpose - a How to talk about Christmas Guide but I can't find it


Someone else may have some idea what he said

Sezzagirl

This is it!!


See point 3!


http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/shopping/christmas-savings

Serendipitious

I think for the first twelve months, it's quite nice to let the family buy whatever they like. Presents at birth, christening/naming ceremony, first Christmas and first birthday, are all important parts of welcoming this new little person into the family, and it would be a shame to stand in the way of people's generosity. It's an expression of their love and goodwill towards the new arrival.

But I can see your point about being overwhelmed with stuff. So if you can channel people's natural desire to give, eg by asking for contributions towards a larger item, then I am sure nobody will mind being asked.
If you know where you'll be buying the next major item from, then it's perfectly acceptable to ask for store vouchers.

However, be prepared for gifts as well. As an oldie, I love to have a new baby to buy for. So if I was asked for vouchers, I'd gladly get them, but I'd probably find a toy to give alongside them as well!

As for your own gift-giving, I'd limit this to the immediate family eg your parents/siblings, and then for the wider family I'd just buy for the children.

mum2one

I would say now that as your now a family rather than a couple, that your reducing the christmas budget/spending and be immediate family, you'd rather let people know now before the event.

I bet a penny to a £1, there be others wanting to stop buying but dont be the ones to do it. xx

whitesatin

Suggest that, this year, a donation to charity seems more appropriate? Just a thought. I might even do that myself, much as I enjoy buying and receiving presents, who really needs more stuff?

mollsnan

I come from a big family, 4 brother and 4 sisters, many years ago when all our children were young , we decided to stop buying presents for each other and each other's children. It had reached the stage where we had 30 nephews and nieces, it was expensive and was getting harder and harder to buy for each of them. There was no pleasure in it, it was a chore, and that's not how Christmas was supposed to be. We agreed to buy something for whichever child was our God Child. Now 2 of my closest sisters and I buy each other a gift.
But when the rest of us visit each other over Christmas/New Year it's great, no pressures, we maybe bring a bottle of wine or some food. My brother makes fab mince pies for us all. I'm glad we took that decision as now with nephews and nieces grown up with their own families it would be a nightmare. My advice is speak up now, you may get more support than you think.

Mojisola

mollsnan wrote: »

My advice is speak up now, you may get more support than you think.

And, even if you don't, stick to your decision.

If they want to keep on buying presents for each other, that's their choice. You don't have to buy for them and they don't have to give you anything.