Help please with OH and my debt

catchooky

Hi sorry for the waffling below but I could really do with some advice......

My OH and I have been living together for around 5months and we stay with my M&D.
I have around £14k worth of debt on various cards (a lot of it spent buying his bits & pieces, general supermarket shopping, meals out etc). I earn £200 a week after tax as a temp, and my OH earns £1k p.c.m plus commission. However, his work issues his wages by cheque and can't really be relied on to pay on time. He has a mobile phone rental at about £35ish a month, mine is £35 p.month but I don't really use it so it will be cancelled in June when the contract expires (was an 18month contract).
My M&D don't ask us for any money towards bills and are happy to buy shopping in for us occassionally (but I don't like asking them).
My dad has already paid off one set of debt at around £10k so there is no way I can tell him the mess I've gotten myself into.
I've been putting some stuff on eBay to raise some extra cash, which goes into some savings accounts including for our wedding (we're getting married in August 2009) and a home fund as we really need our own space. I have also been saving into a 'debt' account to hopefully help with the biggest card repayment when I have enough to finish it.
Our problem is that he can't stay off ebay on his account to buy himself things like football tops (he has around 500 already). Although he is going to sell most of his old football programmes to sell so that he can make a payment into the wedding fund. However, I've been finding myself getting really frustrated with him as he keeps asking that we go out (when we obviously can't afford it), he goes into an unauthorised overdraft every month, he owes me £850 and my dad £1000, refuses to use money-off coupons as he's too embarrased, and won't make an effort to buy me an engagement ring.
How can I make him understand that at the moment I have to spend all my money on repaying these debts as I want to be debt-free before we get our own place and get married. We are so short of cash that I have to get shopping on my credit cards........
Does anyone have any pointers on how to get him to be more responsible about money??? Thanks in advance
Sorry for the really long post

Jacks_xxx

Well my issue is different to yours sweetie - I have a secretive "head in the sand" hubby - but I think the solution is the same:

Stop baling him out, supporting him, and enabling him to be irreponsible

Make him pay your dad - and then you - back.

Suggest to your parents that they start taking some "keep" off you two to help with bills. (They can save it up for you if they want to) in order to start injecting some reality into your boys life. Life costs money and the sooner he learns the better. Tell your dad not to lend your fella any more money.

Don't give him any money, don't buy him stuff. Get money off him for shopping etc - or else he doesn't eat.

Imagine for a moment that he's still like this when you're marrried, and this is the man you're reliant on to provide for you and your babies... :eek:

Scary thought huh?

Tough love is the only way sweetie - and your Mum & dad will have to help you with this one.

Turn your boy into a man you can be proud of - for his own good as much as anything.

Love Jacks xxx

msmicawber

Hi catchooky,

Jacks is kinder than me, I must say - I'd ditch him now. Assuming that you don't want to do that, please don't get yourself further into debt on someone else's account.

Another thing - if you owe around £14K on credit cards etc., why are you saving? You'll be getting a lot less in interest for your savings than you're paying out for your debts. He doesn't sound to me as though he's anywhere near ready for a grown-up commitment like marriage when he's this flaky with no responsibilities. Too embarrassed to use money-off vouchers, but not too embarrassed to let your Dad pay off £10K's worth of debt?! I think you need to think very hard about what you might be getting yourself into here.