Putting on my BatPants and dealing with debt.

BatGirlPants

Hello and welcome to my diary.
I am scared to write this and scared to admit to all our problems and issues but I think that I need to do it. I need to stop hiding and pretending things are ok and struggling and getting into more debt which I can't pay back and then more debt, over and over and over. It is at the stage where it is affecting my day to day life. I feel sick when I buy things. I feel guilt at the smallest purchases and again when I don't purchase things my family could do with. It is time to take a big deep breath and stop getting into debt and to free us.

So... a bit about me. I'm 27 and a full-time Mum to 4 girls under the age of 8. I am also a part-time student with the Open University and hoping to graduate in 2 years time. My husband works full-time as a manager. We rent our home and share it with a dog, a cat and some chickens (well, the garden).

I first into debt at 19. When I was living at home, earning a fair bit from my weekend job, at college and with barely any expenses. I used a credit card to pay for a surprise trip for my (now) husband. I could afford the repayments and more easily. I was given a student overdraft when I applied for university. I used it to pay my Mum a bulk amount of rent in one go - while waiting for my maintenance grant to come through. 2 days into the start of my degree I found out I was pregnant. I stopped uni, never got my grant, used my overdraft to help pay for a quick and cheap wedding (it was frugal and lovely) and to fund baby essentials. I had to give up my job due to pregnancy complications and found myself living off of credit for the first time.

My eldest daughter was born and we moved into our own rented place. With my husband's wages and some tax credits we managed to survive ok but the debts never got paid off. After moving house again I didn't change my address and accidentally defaulted on 2 credit cards. After some time my student overdraft was no longer valid - as I was no longer a student! So that became a debt collection debt too. I got the interest frozen and have been paying those and the defaulted cards off for a while.

3 years ago my husband and I took out a loan in his name for 7k. It was to cover another house move, some vital furniture (beds for the kids, a dining table, a tv (ours had completely broken and had been 2nd hand and gifted to start with), paint for the walls and we also needed a new to us car. The repayments seemed ok at first but we hit some unexpected expenses a couple of years later and found ourselves needed a new-to-us car again, we were at the limit of our overdraft and struggling so badly. So we made the completely stupid decision to get another bigger loan, pay off the other one and use the loan to clear the overdraft (to stop the fees), to cover the car and have some contingency.

We then got told that we had been overpaid housing benefit and council tax over 3 years. I still don't know how or why this is - I always supplied the info they wanted when they wanted it but they are adamant it is my error. We had to pay over £1000 in council tax back and were not able to spread this. We are also paying a set amount a week back to housing benefit (that comes directly from it).

As a result of this our weekly money available isn't enough to cover our day to day lives and we are just getting further into trouble. When I saw the budget and the cuts and realised that we would be losing about £90 a month from next year I decided that enough was enough.


I've made some stupid stupid money decisions in my life. And kept them a secret from everyone bar my husband. If I could go back in time I would change so many things. But I can't. So this is me. Putting on my big girl BatPants and sorting out this mess.

itcouldbeworse

Hi xsuziex, didn't want to read and run, just wanted to wish you good luck. There are lots o us that have made silly money mistakes, tats why we are here with diaries, so please don't feel like you are on your own, there are lots of lovely people on this board that I'm sure will be along to give you some good advice.


Could you do a SOA or list your debts then people may be able to give you some advice as where to go from here.


SOrry I'm not much help.x.

2bak860

Hi xSuziex!

First - THANK YOU. Starting a debt-free diary is the first step in dealing with your debt. Also, WELL-DONE for sharing all of this with your husband - it's horrible when it is just you dealing with this.

The first thing to do is do a Statement of Affairs (or a SOA) and paste it in here. Be honest and it will show you what is going on with your finances and start to uncover some areas that you may not be too familiar with. Go here: http://www.stoozing.com/calculator/soa.php

Fill that in, export in a MSE format and paste in. Then we can start picking areas where you might be able to save! Updating your signature like mine can help inform people and help you as to what your goals are too!

Once you've done that, I'd recommend using a budget tool, such as MoneyDashboard.co.uk or YNAB (you need a budget - Google it). That will help you understand where your money is going.

Good luck - I've subscribed and I'm looking forward to following your journey!

BatGirlPants

Thank you for replying I feel a bit better already. I have an awesome spreadsheet calendar set up and I am generally (these days) not too bad at sticking to a budget. I will get a SOA sorted out and post it. I am going to allow more for groceries and clothes than I currently do. Because we are going over our grocery budget consistently and I don't have a clothes budget at the moment. I did download a YNAB trial but I got a bit confused and gave up but I think a fresh spreadsheet would work well for me.

Thanks again for replying. It feels better not to feel alone.

2bak860

You are not alone!

What's nice about these forums is that everyone has different experiences and different views! I, for example, like you, didn't make the best decisions, am the only wage earner in our household and have large debts, but I am determined to make by debt my b!tch and get it DOWN!

Looking forward to seeing your SOA - much more interesting than doing my work right now!

grandma247

Once you settle into money saving it can become addictive

There are tons of recipes on this site to help you get your food budget down.

BatGirlPants

My current food budget including toiletries, nappies and cat food is £65 a week for 2 adults 4 kids - and we struggle to get it for that. I would ideally like a slightly bigger budget to allow us to eat that bit better. We eat quite simply and I cook pretty much everything from scratch. I would love to be able to have more fruit and veg - I tend to just choose one variety a week (one week we will have bananas etc).
We don't drink or smoke or eat takeaways.

I feel like my whole family are suffering - quality of life-wise - because of my bad choices. I look at the suggested food budget for a family my size on stepchange and it is DOUBLE what mine is. And things like hair cuts. We just don't get them.

I guess my debt free diary is slightly different. I want to get rid of the debt of course but not at the expense of a certain amount of life quality - I don't want holidays or handbags. Just a little more food, not having to completely panic and use credit when my kids need shoes.

I did a SOA based on what my ideal expenditures (frugal but allowing the above) would be and then I can work out what we could afford to repay.

My husband is enquiring about a pay-rise and a moving to an annual salary rather than his current weekly pay. We wouldn't 'see' much of any increase but we would be happier relying less on the benefits top up.

rockm87

Hi!
I would definitely recommend putting together a SOA, sometimes you think you spend a little, but in black and white it can end up being more!

Where do you shop? Have you tried Lidl or Aldi? I halved my spending when I switched from tesco. also try amazon for pet supplies, or look up a local grocer/farm shop supplier.

I think at the moment til you get rid of some of your debt you need to not worry too much about how much food you are eating, as long as bellies are full you shouldnt be looking for ways to spend more!

I bet your family isnt really suffering, some people live with alot less and are happy...it's all in your mindset.

If youre a SAHM have you thought about hunting for deals/vouchers or taking part in surveys (e.g. swagbucks) to bring in a little extra.

for families I always suggest the blog - funcheaporfree.com Jordan is a lovely mum in the US and got out of debt, always looks amazing, and shares great tips, especially with the kids in tow!