Just don't know what to do - problem boss

[Deleted User]

I haven't put this in the employment section because it's not employment contract related or problems at work but more a personal issue that I don't know how to resolve.

I am an older worker and following a long career in a management role with a large volume of staff and responsibility within a blue chip company decided I wanted a job for my last few years that was completely different and with no line responsibility.

I applied for and got a new job and to begin with everything was fine.
But recently we have had a newish boss who initially I got on with but since he has become aware of my past has totally isolated me from any involvement in team affairs . He only asks the views and opinions of the new very young team members and if there are any other tasks or initiatives I am never part of them.

This is effecting my enjoyment to the point I want to leave but feel why should I . I am a top performer so he cannot have issue with my work but never says well done or asks about how I get my results.

My husband thinks he sounds desperately insecure and is almost blocking me out because I will highlight his lack of experience and the fact I will be able to see his lack of ability / capabilities whereas as the youngsters have very little idea of what a good manager is. That's as maybe but I have only ever been supportive to him so I just don't know what to do. It is no value talking to him because he will just deny things . Ahh help.

Prothet_of_Doom

I would take him into a private meeting room, and ask him "Off the record now, I'm your very best member of staff, I can make your life very easy, and help you into a much higher paid job, with more money and more authority, but you insist on treating me like !!!!. What the !!!! is wrong with you?"

Or perhaps that's too abrupt. Some people need to be shocked into seeing the world as it is.

Did I say, that I haven't had a permanent job in 6 years, preferring to Freelance. If I don't like the hiring manager, I suck up to them like mad, and move on at the end of the project, taking another happy reference with me.

74jax

BBH123 wrote: »

I applied for and got a new job and to begin with everything was fine.
But recently we have had a newish boss who initially I got on with but since he has become aware of my past has totally isolated me from any involvement in team affairs . He only asks the views and opinions of the new very young team members and if there are any other tasks or initiatives I am never part of them.

This is effecting my enjoyment to the point I want to leave but feel why should I . I am a top performer so he cannot have issue with my work but never says well done or asks about how I get my results.

My husband thinks he sounds desperately insecure.

I don't think his actions make him desperately insecure. Not to me anyway.

What happens during these discussions? Is it in another room? I would go along, if he says he doesn't need you say something like is it not a team meeting?

If he just comes to someone's desk and asks an opinion you could say you couldn't he'll over hearing but you'd suggest xyz.

When if your next review?

jetplane

Not knowing the fuller picture it may be that he found out your past by accident and that he feels threatened or insecure by your knowledge. Or he may feel that you've undermined him at some point and made it his business to find out your past.

On the one hand you now have what you wanted a totally different job with no line responsibility. How are you adjusting to this new role? It must be frustrating working for someone who could benefit from your experience but doesn't want to but I assume you considered this possibility when changing roles?

I'm not sure how well I would adapt if I took a less senior role after years of decision making, autonomy and leading from the front. How long have you been in this role and how long has he been excluding you? How does he justify not including you in team meetings?

[Deleted User]

Thanks,

I have had s wonderful career and it's no problem at all for me stepping down Yes it's hard seeing things run badly but I don't show it as it's not my job any longer. I have been totally supportive to this guy but he seems to have it in his head that I don't rate him when actually I have been very supportive.

If I think about it to me it makes sense that he realises I will know and see through his weaknesses so he can't bluff me like the youngsters but actually I couldn't care less, we all have strengths and weaknesses and that is in his head not mine. I'd just like to be treated like everyone else.

jetplane

I agree with you, some bosses, and not just young ones, think they have nothing to learn and try to deflect any situations which may expose them by avoidance, hence his reluctance to ask your opinion? One day he might look back and think why did I not soak up all of that knowledge on offer? That could be his loss, however I don't understand how he can exclude you from team meetings.

[Deleted User]

We don't have team meetings he just picks a person to take to the office and he'll ask what should be done about a situation. Another thing very odd was that someone he had said was too inexperienced for a job was promoted into it and yet the job role was written for me and I didn't even get short listed . I thought it was the only way to helping improve things although I would have helped without needing a promotion.

What would you do would you leave alone , move on it's no good trying to speak to him he is very good at denial.

balletshoes

BBH123 wrote: »

We don't have team meetings he just picks a person to take to the office and he'll ask what should be done about a situation. Another thing very odd was that someone he had said was too inexperienced for a job was promoted into it and yet the job role was written for me and I didn't even get short listed . I thought it was the only way to helping improve things although I would have helped without needing a promotion.

What would you do would you leave alone , move on it's no good trying to speak to him he is very good at denial.

do you have regular reviews/feedback meetings? I don't know what field you are in so I don't know how it works in your line of business. I'm office-based, and we have review/feedback meetings with our line managers every couple of months, its a discussion not a lecture, and the points made are recorded and agreed in writing.

As to promotion/sideways move opportunities, aren't they advertised? Or are they always immediate-line manager led?

jetplane

I suppose it depends how long you planned to be there. For me if I enjoyed the job and it suited my life work balance I would rise above it, ignore his behaviour and get on with what I enjoyed. If it affected my work I would look elsewhere but bear in mind that most workplaces have someone not up to the job or who doesn't pull their weight.

People are promoted for all kinds of reasons. I had a useless manager who got the job because his boss wanted a yes man who wouldn't challenge him. A bad manager never employs a good one and you can make yourself I'll trying to change things. The atmosphere became toxic and I moved on, the manager is still there and his staff turnover speaks volumes.

I'm fortunate to work with a great team but I've had to ignore some dorks over the last 30 odd years

[Deleted User]

Very wise words , he has surrounded himself by sycophants and very inexperienced people and these are the ones he courts.
When I was doing my big job I always surrounded myself with the most talented I could find as that's how I thought the best way to grow and develop myself, there's always something to be learnt or a new perspective .

I think I have some thinking to do because I like the job but a manager has such an influence on whether you enjoy it or not .

amistupid

You decided to leave a managerial role, perhaps you're still thinking too much like a manager?