Backstabbing and talking behind back at work ...

Eliza_2

Thank you everyone. I really appreciate the thoughtful and helpful responses to this issue. My instinct is usually to try and problem solve, to fight rather than to flee so will try some of the tactics suggested. Really good ideas. However life's too short for this kind of aggro so if I can't make it work, I'll just leave.

I do feel for one or two of my colleagues in particular, who are young and can't really work out why this should be happening. I hate to say it, but all of the staff are female.

Thanks again

Eliza

davidnipper

Sounds familiar!
I have seen this in every workplace I have worked in and it now seems endemic across the UK.

It's possible the reason why this is happening is because of tv shows like "the only way is essex" and "made in chelsea" and austerity measures happening at the same time. These TV programs are so devoid of any actual content, that they have to resort to backstabbing to sex them up and make them watchable. People in the workplace copy these behaviours, because that's all they see on tv.

The problem with all of this is that if someone is manipulating behind your back, and you aren't manipulating, then you are at a distinct disadvantage.

You can try and leave. The next place will be just the same, if not worse.

This is the reason why I'm leaving the UK actually, and will set up my own business in the future. After a while you start to realise that you can't really get on, because you are being held back. If you try to move forward, someone will pull you down (just like crabs in a bucket). Unless, you become one of them (which in my case I am not prepared to do).

Sorry to say, but the best way of dealing with it, is just to let it go. And if you are not prepared to backstab, don't make the mistake of trying to progress at work (unless you have a really good relationship with the boss etc).

Eliza_2

Just as a postscript to this, with thanks again for all your thoughts, I am now working my notice. I tried speaking to the owner and while he was very pleasant, it was clear he isn't interested in day to day workings of the place. I tried to find other ways of making it work for me and others but now realise my efforts were criticised and not seen for what I intended. As I have lots of leave owing I am now no longer working there and several other things have come out of the woodwork since I left, such as huge pay increases for some staff (I was on just over minimum wage and assumed others were too, I even did quite a bit of extra stuff for free to support it while struggling), cash in hand payments for others (directly out of the till!!) and lots of other things. What a mug I was!!

I feel very bitter that I tried to support it while others were creaming the business for what they could get. However I'm going to do my best to put it in the past and I need to get job hunting and holiday planning now. I have however learnt several hard lessons, not to put your all into a job however much you love and believe in it, and not everyone thinks like me, whatever they say!

Thanks again, now where's those holiday brochures.

Eliza

ERICS_MUM

Hi Eliza, sounds like you've made exactly the right decision, you are well out of it.

All the best for job-hunting and have a great holiday !

Linda xx

shortcrust

wiltsguy wrote: »

ask the owner for a meeting, explain what is happening and that the manager he has employed is not doing anything to curb it and is often the ringleader.

Once you have explained that this is very counter productive and that he should consider making you manager where you could put an end to it, thus making the company more productive....and more cash for him!

Very risky, and especially so if the owner isn't actively engaged. Someone (not a very nice someone!) in my team once complained about me to the chief exec. The chief exec called me straight in and told me to get my team under control, and that if he caused trouble again I should 'exit him' from the company. He didn't even want to discuss the complaint.

Hope you enjoy your holiday, OP!:) Sounds like you deserve it!