How can I cancel child support?

ZaraAustin

I have a six month old son with my ex partner, conceived towards the end of a brief strained relationship, he pleaded me to not continue the pregnancy but I refused. We then left it on terms that he would not be involved. He contacted me towards the end of the pregnancy and said he wanted involvement, when the child was born he said he wanted to come and see him (as he was prem and in hospital) he never showed up and then told me that he didn't want to be involved any longer.

We have had on and off contact since then, occasionally he will phone to ask of the child etc (as he has been poorly) but everytime I ask about him seeing our son he refuses and says he is not his son etc (but refuses a DNA as claims he doesn't want to know) Recently things have got bad. He has wished our son dead, has told me if I ever showed up with the baby he would drop the baby on the floor! Threatened me and told me to stay away from him because he doesn't want the baby and he hates the baby, I am assuming this is due to him being in a new relationship (she doesn't know he has a child)

I asked him for child support on the agreement that he has no involvement. I work and I am not financially strained but I do not have much spare money. I was planning to put it all in to an account for him so when he was 18 he could pay for uni or get a car etc, family convinced me that he owed his child at least that for his absence.

I phoned CMA and made an application. I really didn't think they would trace him, I had no fixed address for him and couldn't provide details of his birthday, I notified him that I would be making the claim and he assured me that they would not find him and that if they did then he would not be paying.

To my surprise they found him and contacted him for income details. He phoned me up shouting the odds told me to leave him alone and that he wont be paying for anything and that he is going to ask for a DNA test, saying more horrible things about the child that I do not even want to repeat because they are so disgusting, things that only people with mental problems would say (graphically violent, about a baby!)

How can I cancel this? do I just phone the CMA and say I no longer wish to pursue the claim. Do I have to give a reason and will they accept the reason of just not wanting it? I do not want him to contribute towards my son at all, he does not deserve him and I want nothing from him.

eve31

Hi there

Please do not let this vile creature intimidate and bully you into withdrawing your claim. Do not cancel it through fear due to his threats.

To ensure your safety and wellbeing I would report him and try and get a non molestation order against him. He has made threats of violence against your child, report him and gather as much evidence that you have. Also block his phone number and email.

All the best x

ZaraAustin

I am not cancelling it due to fear as I know his threats and bad wishes regarding my son will amount to nothing, hes all talk and can't control his temper hence the disgusting wishes about my son. I think he is annoyed because he is in a relationship with someone who doesn't know about the child and hence why he is being like this in an attempt to get me to go away so she can't find out.

I do not want to pursue the claim and I just feel like I want nothing from him so he can't even have the satisfaction or feel good in the future for knowing that he compensated his abesense with financial help. He won't pay anyway, he will be as difficult as possible and probably request a dna test before he agrees to pay a penny and I don't need the stress nor the money any longer x

POPPYOSCAR

OP I find your post a bit odd to be honest.


You refer to your son as 'the child' most would say my child or my son.

ZaraAustin

I do not see anything wrong with saying the child, he is my child but he is also the child I am talking about as I have another daughter who is 8 years old. Perhaps I wasn't paying much attention to the detail or grammar but regardless I still am in need of advice about the situation. I also called him my child in the first post, I only refereed to him as the child in the second comment when explaining his girlfriend didn't know about the child, and I only wrote it in that context because his girlfriend does not know me.

DUTR

ZaraAustin wrote: »

I am not cancelling it due to fear as I know his threats and bad wishes regarding my son will amount to nothing, hes all talk and can't control his temper hence the disgusting wishes about my son. I think he is annoyed because he is in a relationship with someone who doesn't know about the child and hence why he is being like this in an attempt to get me to go away so she can't find out.

I do not want to pursue the claim and I just feel like I want nothing from him so he can't even have the satisfaction or feel good in the future for knowing that he compensated his abesense with financial help. He won't pay anyway, he will be as difficult as possible and probably request a dna test before he agrees to pay a penny and I don't need the stress nor the money any longer x

It will all blow over , continue with the claim, I can see your point though about giving him satisfaction in paying for his absence.
Harsh words do float about sometimes if truth be known, it's life changing for all involved.
Good luck, you have 20 years ahead of you both.

clearingout

I think you need to be a little more...clever with this situation.

You don't want him involved. At the current time, he doesn't want to be involved - to the extent that he is making extreme threats towards his own child.

At some point in the future, he may sort himself out. At that point, he may well decide he wants a relationship with his child. He may well then use the court system to get that relationship with his child and the court system is very, very pro-relationship with both parents.

If it were me I would:
- leave the CSA claim. Let him have his DNA test (better now whilst she's a baby rather than when she's older and able to understand what the test means) because he'll have to pay for it.
- if he is employed he will eventually have to pay - it may take 6 months, but the system will get to him eventually. If he's self employed or agency employed or begins to job-hop, you will accummulate arrears which will eventually catch up with him. You have no idea what the future holds - there may come a point where the money he gives is essential to your child's continued well-being. You don't have to actively chase the CSA to do their job, just leave the case open.
- by leaving the case open he will (probably) continue with the abuse and threats. You need to record these very carefully and be very, very careful not to retaliate.
- if he continues with the threats, get him into court for a Prohibited Steps Order and keep hold of your recordings.
- should he reappear as a 'changed man' in the future, you have evidence of his abuse and threats. More importantly, you have evidence that you tried to do something about it. If you accept his abuse now, it will be deemed as 'not that bad' in the future.

Please think about what ignoring things now may mean. And there is, of course, the (outside) chance that he is genuinely unhinged and does actually present a very real threat to you and/or your children. There is more to this than money, I'm afraid.

pmduk

Notify the CSA if he is making claims of violence against you or the child

HoneyNutLoop

pmduk wrote: »

Notify the CSA if he is making claims of violence against you or the child

What do you expect the CSA to be able to do about it? Their role is to calculate and collect maintenance. If the op wants to report the behaviour with the aim of something being done about it, the appropriate body is the Police, not the CSA. Or, if she's looking for help and support in dealing with the behaviour, there are a number or different charities/organisations who can offer this kind of help, but the CSA is not one of them.

To the op - you just need to tell CMS that you want to cancel your application. Give them a ring and/or send them a letter. If you don't receive a letter within 2-3 weeks confirming its closed, contact them again. Closing this case does not prevent you from applying again in the future, if you change your mind, although you would have to pay the application fee again.

Topcat1982

Just don't have any further contact and let the CSA take the money out his wages.

Move if you think he's a genuine threat. Your address won't be disclosed