Irresponsible lending???

Kanga12

It is not my job to prevent her from getting into debt and making a mess of things at her age. By keeping an eye on things I meant making sure that the rent got paid and I have done a bloody good job at that because my granddaughter still has a roof over her head. I have sought advice on this site at this point because this is now in jeopardy.What I have learned is that you can only show your children the right way to go about things and they will either listen or they won't. It is heartbreaking for her dad that she doesn't give a damn about him. Guarantors are a safety net for the landlord and generally are called upon when the tenant has unforeseeable financial issues like losing a job etc. In our case it will be because she fancied going on a £600 shopping spree on one day and buying a car the next and counting on us to pay the rent even though she receives £1800 a month in benefits, wages and maintenance. Anyway the answer is clear, we need to let it take its natural course.

Herzlos

Yeah you need to let her default on it and sever as many financial ties as you can so it doesn't affect you. If she can waste £3000 in 3 days, there's not really much you can do to prevent it other than letting her ruin her credit rating and get declined further credit.

CHR15

Bailing her out is the very reason she continues to spend like that.
Why would she need to change her ways?

You are best served by keeping your own money safe (and saved) for when you start paying her rent. Just keep an eye on the remaining term of the lease and get out as soon as you can.

19lottie82

There's really nothing you can do at this point, and I think you know that.

If your DSD ever has her "Light Bulb Moment" (LMB), and realises she needs to change her ways, you can help her by assisting her with a budget and pointing her in the direction of a debt management charity, and this site, but in the meantime, you can't do anything, so there's really no point in wasting your energy. Sorry.

dealer_wins

Are you sure her problem is not drugs related.

An ex-partner's sister got hooked on heroin and behaved in exactly this fashion (and had a 3 yr old kid to pull the families heartstrings with too)

DCFC79

Sounds like its irresponsible lending and borrowing.

National_Debtline

Hi kanga


I sympathise with your predicament - it is easy for me to advise you objectively on what you should do; it's another matter altogether when you are dealing with your own family.


I and my colleagues deal with many callers to our service who are at their wit's end as they see family members making what they see as poor decisions and getting stuck in a rut. The human instinct is often to see a financial problem and offer financial assistance accordingly - but this often has unintended consequences e.g. those you describe above. As such, I can't really argue with those who have suggested that you need to cut off this financial support to have any hope of bringing about a change in your stepdaughter's behaviour.


There may be compulsive/addictive behaviour issues beneath the surface here - I'm no expert but I would suggest that you have a chat with the likes of Mind www.mind.org.uk as they will recognise the issues you describe.


I wish you all the best in getting somewhere more positive with all this. Don't forget that you can seek advice in your own right should you have difficulties repaying any guarantees you've given for your stepdaughter.


Dennis
@natdebtline