Need to make a will - advice please.

TrainGeek1808

I've been diagnosed with cancer, and it's a life-limiting illness (anything from 1-5 years, so very up in the air currently).

I am married, with no kids, but feel it appropriate to still make a will.

My wife and I rent our property and have a few small personal assets (wedding ring, jewellery, possibly a fairly modest bank balance, cash, furniture, dog, etc) which I would like to leave to my wife.

I also have a few items of furniture which have been given/loaned from my parents - not really sure if they are mind or theirs, as they are hand-downs on my Mum's side. They should probably get first refusal of those.

There's also odd little bits of things I'd like my nieces and nephew to have to remember me by (need to work out what yet).

But probably something I'm most unsure about is my funeral/burial plans. Does this go in my will, I'm wanting my wishes to be documented, this will be the bone of contention I feel as I want to support the wishes of my wife, but my parents will I think want/expect something different. I don't really want to have to approach a funeral director myself as I don't have the funds to pay for the whole funeral? I realise I'll have to sit down and go through this with my family at some point, but I want it in writing first then it's DONE.

Any ideas on how to start? Do I have to go to a solicitor? I've heard some doing basic ones cheap if you make a donation - are these common?

Any help much appreciated. Hopefully it should be straight forward, but it is a daunting experience for me.

Thanks

TrainGeek

jackyann

Sympathies.
It is easy to do a simple DIY will, usually just to say that you leave everything to your wife.

When I did a DIY, I put in that certain relatives have first refusal of a few named items. However I was very certain of the executor and their relationship with the beneficiaries.
If you think it might get complicated, then see a solicitor - it is still a relatively simple will and won't cost much. You can ring around for quotes.

With regard to your funeral, anything you say will not be legally binding on anyone. My suggestion is that you and your wife discuss your wishes jointly and write them down.
At some point (possibly not at the same time as you tell your parents your sad & difficult news) you can give them the information.

If you feel able, you could discuss with them, or discuss all together, to see if you can include elements that would support them in their grief, but I wouldn't get too bogged down in the detail of this.

I would also consider talking this over with your specialist nurse, or an advisor from a cancer charity, as they have lots of experience in these matters.

I do wish you luck, and salute you for getting your affairs in order. I hope the time left is as pleasant as possible.

Keep_pedalling

You could include your funeral wishes in a will but if you wish to go into detail and include things such as choice of readings and music, I would document those wishes separately, and once you have done that share those with your parents, as I am sure that they will want to go along with what ever you chose to do. This would also be an opportunity to discus the furniture although I am sure that will be the last thing on their minds at this difficult time.

You will can be a simple affair and can be drawn up without the use of a solicitor. To make life easier for your wife I would make any bank accounts you hold in your own name into joint ones so that everything automatically becomes hers with none of the funds being tied up when your sole accounts are frozen by the bank.

As for the gifts to other family members, if they are small items then you could package them up addressed to the recipient with a nice covering letter. Alternatively as a friend of mine did, give them their gifts personally while he was still alive.

DigForVictory

I'm sorry things are difficult.
In the short term, (under 3 months), figure what you want nieces etc to have & give it to them. No need to confuse a Will with these things.
Also make all your accounts joint - gives Herself full access at once, no fuss no hassle.

As for how to help your wife steer your parents, definitely a letter of wishes in case you get hit by a bus. Then may you have time to have this conversation in as tranquil & courteous a way possible.

Unless you really want to sock your estate for Professional Assistance, you might want to have a look at the Natural Death Centre who can dispel several myths, possibly save your estate a bundle and give both your wife & remaining family the peace of mind that they did What You Wanted, not what they unwillingly compromised on under the benevolent eye of someone who plans to make a living out of it. (Not that I've much against the professionals, just they are very expensive at a time when your relations' ability to say "that's ridiculous!" is curbed.)

Errata

Sorry you've been given a diagnosis that nobody wants, and wishing you well.
Someone very, very close to me is in your position. They had their will drawn up by a solicitor, in which they've given details of how they want their funeral to be conducted. However .......... and this is a big however, whoever instructs and signs the contract with the funeral director can ignore them eg wish to be buried ignored and cremation done instead and vice versa.
Hope this helps. A simple straightforward will, which yours appears to be, will cost very little to have drawn up professionally, and when it comes to wills solicitors are experienced and knowledgeable and rarely come across something they haven't come across umpteen times before.

TrainGeek1808

Thanks guys for your kind words and advice.

I've had a look through the links and think I've got a bit more of an idea.

Is there anything on what I legally need to put in a will (number of executors, etc)? I've never been involved in a will before other than a beneficiary when my Granddad died when I was 13, but that's all gone now - is there anything recommended to put in a will which is not legally required, but would be beneficial? I saw something on a link above with a leaflet with loads of pertinent questions which I'll look at in detail.

The advice on joint account is one I'll definitely take. I've got an ISA; I'll just transfer that to a joint savings account.

Presumably to cover all eventualities, my wife should also make a will I'm guessing - she'll be coming in to pension income from me (in process of sorting her as the first benefactor)?

The plans my parents probably won't be happy with is my place of burial. It's important to me (and to my wife) to be buried close to where my wife can come and visit me, my wife is disabled as doesn't drive. My parents are about 15 miles away from where I live, and my mum works in the town where I live too so it's not as if they won't be able to visit me too. That's the only contentious point I can see.

Also, with regards funeral plans I want to choose my funeral location, songs, my resting place, wake location, choice of funeral directors, flowers (or lack of - prefer donations), location of donations, etc, and I think generally they will be respected.

Any further advice would be a great help.

Thanks

TrainGeek

Keep_pedalling

Yes it is a very good idea for both of you to make wills. I would not go with less than 2 executors, or have one primary one and a fall back executor should your chosen executor be unable to carry out their duties for any reason.

Mojisola

Because of your diagnosis you are assuming that you will die first.

When writing your will, always allow for possibilities other than what you expect. Have a clause that says what you want to happen if your wife dies before (or you both go together in a car accident).

These are the things that a solicitor will know - it's worth paying for their expertise.

Regarding your funeral - draw up the plan of how you want it to go and sign it. If your parents cause any problems for your wife after seeing your wishes in writing, probably nothing will prevent them doing so.

When my uncle was given his terminal diagnosis, he went round a few funeral directors, got quotes from them for the funeral he wanted and decided which one to use. It made things very easy for the family after his death.

I have heard of parents who 'help' out by registering the death. Having the death certificate and being named as the notifying person then allowed them to arrange the funeral. Even if traveling is difficult for your wife, she should try to get the Register Office herself to register the death.

BobQ

Sorry you situation is as it is.

One thing to add. You said your wife will benefit from your pension. If you mean your state pension then this is covered by law. However, if you mean a work pension then you should complete a nomination form to ensure she gets pension benefits directly and not as part of your will. This may be want you mean by (in process of sorting her as the first benefactor). If you have done this then fine.

Savvy_Sue

It is definitely worth checking with any workplace pensions that they are written 'in trust' for your wife, as it makes things MUCH simpler for her. I was astonished to find that I hadn't made a nomination on an old workplace pension, and even more astonished that DH hadn't made one on a couple of his! This has now been rectified, he'd barely have missed my tuppence ha'penny, but I'd have missed his ...

TrainGeek1808

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

It is definitely worth checking with any workplace pensions that they are written 'in trust' for your wife, as it makes things MUCH simpler for her. I was astonished to find that I hadn't made a nomination on an old workplace pension, and even more astonished that DH hadn't made one on a couple of his! This has now been rectified, he'd barely have missed my tuppence ha'penny, but I'd have missed his ...

Can you clarify the 'in trust' bit please? I work in accountancy so have worked on trusts and don't want my money left to my wife to be held in trust, I want her to have it.

Is there a standard letter anywhere for changing/naming a benefactor? A quick google search hasn't thrown anything up.

Thanks

TrainGeek