Moving in together, and bill costs..

Kitty777

Hello all,

I just need some advice and a bit of guidance really.

My partner (of 5 years) has got a good starting job in Oxford (we live in leicestershire right now) and will be moving down there the end of July. He asked me to move with him, and as it was something we have discussed for a very long time I agreed.

I am getting a transfer with my job (in retail) but if I transfer on the hours I am on now I will be on around 6,000 a year. My Partner will be on 23,000 after tax etc.

My issue is, (worse case!!) I will not be able to pay 50% of bills/rent etc...my Partner keeps assuring me that this is okay, and just to pay what I can. But it worries me as I am used to paying my way in our relationship..

I do believe I have slightly more savings than him, so I have considered paying more deposit than him....which makes sense really.

I was wondering if some of your could possibly tell me your thoughts, and if you are in a similar situation how you work it out within your household?

Many thanks!!

CP26

Instead of thinking 50/50 you could think more about a proportioned contribution based on your earnings.

Total income: 23+6 = £29k
Your share: 20%, his share: 80%
E.g. Monthly bills total £500, you'd pay £100 and he'd pay £400.

You're both contributing to the relationship still but at a level that reflects the difference in your incomes. Being equal doesn't always mean 50/50 and doing it proportionately means you both still have a pot at the end to spend / save as you choose.

fairy_lights

£6000 a year is incredibly low, is there a reason why you work part time or are those the only hours your employer has been able to offer you?
There's really no right or wrong way to split bills, it's a subject that comes up a lot on this forum and there's not simple solution. It all depends on finding an arrangement that suits your relationship - me and my partner have never split bills 50/50 because he has always earnt more.

Kitty777

This is the worst case situation. I have put in a request for an increase of hours with my transfer But right now, those are the only hours my store can offer me.

dirty_magic

I agree with the above that you could ratio it to make it fairer for now, but I wouldn't feel comfortable being so dependent on someone either. Could you look for a full time job after you've moved or are you a student?

NewShadow

I used to have an arrangement with my Ex. I worked full time, he didn't, so when I was in work he did house work.

We weren't strict about it, and there was still a chunk of shopping or housework for me to do, but it meant that we were both contributing the same amount of time to the household, and the good thing was that when I got in from work we were both 'off duty' and could enjoy each others company.

Kitty777

I will be looking for more work, straight away. Part of me moving away from here is hoping there will be better chances for me down south...or at least, a change of scenery

Thanks everyone I was expecting to do the housework etc anyway (not sure why..I guess I enjoy it and don't mind doing it)

SeduLOUs

Even if you do share the bills proportionally, it will still result in one of you having far more disposable income than the other. If you are OK with that, then that's absolutely fine. But I don't think it's fair.

If you are working part time, would that mean that you'll probably do much more of the housework - shopping, cleaning, cooking, blah blah? (as NewShadow said, you could both be dedicating the same time to the household if not money) That additional work certainly has value!

I earn significantly more than my partner, but we both work full time and I certainly don't work any harder than he does (in fact, his job is far more stressful than mine!), so me having loads of money and him being skint just feels utterly wrong when we have chosen to live our lives together. We pay everything into a joint account, pay all the bills, buy the shopping, allocate to savings, and then share what's left over for fun money 50/50. It's the only fair way in my eyes and works well for us.

Kitty777

I never thought about the money we had left to 'spend' afterwards. I don't mean him having much more spending money than me, if that is what you mean?

We both lead pretty simple social lives...we don't go out partying and often for nights out go to the bowling once a month on sale nights, or play video games inside (both old and new)..just as long as I have money to run my car etc and have a little bit of freedom (I admit, I am still addicted to buying bubble bath and nail varnish...opps!)

Thanks for all your answers, i guess this is just part of the journey

goodwithsaving

I'm afraid I'm very much a 50/50 girl but eventually this may change with children etc. Contribute what you can for now but with a longer term view of aiming towards 50/50, would be my view. You are moving for him so there should be sacrifice from him to get you there. If he was adamant you pay 50/50 from get go, having relocated for him on a low wage it'd be more alarming. He sounds reasonable, as do you so roll with it and good luck.

wileycat

I do it with my partner now.
We split all the bills 50/50.
But we proportion the mortgage 66/33 and will split this at the end the same way. But anything we make in growth we will share evenly.
It works fairly well for us, but its everyone to their own - we do it informally but I know the worst that could happen is we split it 50/50 and that doesn't bother me enough to formalise it.