Dont really want to go on a hen

skea56

So have been asked by OH's sister to out with her and 6/7 of her friends for a hen night in a few months. One night, dinner drink and hotel £140 including train.

Am not excited in any way, firstly I only know her friends to see, there's only one I think I've ever had a full blown conversation with - they're all lovely girls, but none of them are my type of people - loud, brash, real party girls and I have nothing in common with any of them. The one saving grace is 2 of them are pregnant so at least I could have a sensible convo at some point in the evening.

Secondly, my sis in law 2 be is difficult to work with, has a slightly issue with drink, in that it only takes her 3 drinks before shes asleep - last time we went out she never made it to dinner and a taxi called at 10pm.

I broke the vow that I wouldn't be out with her unless her boyf was there, and ended up ruining my own night looking after her.

I don't want to be the killjoy here, but i'm saving for my own wedding so don't really want to spend £150+ on a night where the hen will be in bed after an hour and I'll have to spend the rest of the night with girls (lovely as they are) I don't know.

How would I broach this with her?

thanks

arbrighton

I think for the sake of family harmony, you may have to suck it up and grit teeth.

74jax

I'd say unfortunately you don't want to spend money you could use elsewhere so are unable to attend but too let you know if she does anything more low key for those who couldn't make the trip away.

elsien

Maybe she's just asked you to be polite, and won't mind you saying no if you're so different to her group of friends?

duchy

I'd invent a work commitment that weekend that I couldn't get out of

Conference or similar

TBagpuss

If the date is set, then I agree that a prior commitment is the perfect excuse. Make sure that you sound regretful, and consider sending a card and gift.

Alternatively, would it be possible to reduce the cost by going but not staying overnight? (e.g. if it is a Saturday night having your OH pick you up rather than staying over? - how much of the £140 is the hotel?)

Justengaged

Ignore this!

arbrighton wrote: »

I think for the sake of family harmony, you may have to suck it up and grit teeth.

That's awful advice, I agree in some situations yes you have to play family politics, god knows I've done enough stuff just to 'please' his family, but at the cost of £150 that's not good advice at all - don't succumb to something just for family to keep people happy, or the most important person - YOU - will not be, this is your hen, have it your way.


I didn't want a hen either, and actually settled on just having a nice meal out at a Chinese, I wanted to go home around 10pm as I'm not into nights out anyway, but there was one person who had gotten drunk and kept insisting we go out and get me "bladdered". All I wanted was to go home to my bed though and she didn't seem to want to take no for an answer, it took two other people to convince her to let me go home in subtle but "family politics" way, which is ludicrous when you think about it. I didn't want to upset her as she was family to be, so I just kept my mouth shut and let the other 2 do the talking for me - worked out in my favour without upsetting anyone.


Money is always tight around weddings, so I'd go with the "we're saving, and things are a bit tight" route, and maybe try to do something closer to home perhaps to save the hotel bill etc.

skea56

Thanks to all for the different opinions, as it turns out I do have a work commitment on that day, although it should finish early enough for me to catch a later train.

However, I have decided to tell her I would rather not go, and tell her the truth (as nicely as I can!!) as she would be the type to offer to pay if I said I was trying to save money, or seeing as theres so few going try and change the date to suit.

I was speaking to her mother over weekend, and trying to test the water to see what her view was, and her exact words were, "I wouldn't blame you for not wanting to go, after the way she treated you the last time" so I think I should be ok.

I think for my own sanity and to keep family harmony its best if I am honest and just not go.

sk56

duchy

As you have a work commitment I'd stick with that (she doesn't need to know you can get back in time). Telling her you don't WANT to go (eg don't want to celebrate with her) is likely to upset her - even if she's normally pretty thick skinned as even the toughest bride can feel overwhelmed with pressure in the run up to the wedding..........or even just discover her inner bridezilla ! You might just be the straw that breaks the camel's back -even if she suspects you are making an excuse -you won't be telling her directly you don't want to attend .

arbrighton

Justengaged wrote: »

Ignore this!


That's awful advice, I agree in some situations yes you have to play family politics, god knows I've done enough stuff just to 'please' his family, but at the cost of £150 that's not good advice at all - don't succumb to something just for family to keep people happy, or the most important person - YOU - will not be, this is your hen, have it your way.

No, it's just a different opinion to your own.

It's not HER hen either.

I'm certainly doing some things to please others in the run up to our wedding....

Rain1

Glad you decided to just be upfront about it... If you don't want to go to a hen party, it's not the end of the world. They should understand.