Sinking & Dragging Everyone Down with me!

bambi87

Hi everyone,
I am a 27 year old woman, with a minimum wage job (that I quite enjoy). I rent a flat with my girlfriend (who has a pretty good job) and a few months ago my OH's sister moved in. To cut a long story short, it made sense at the time, but can now be quite tense!!
We are in the process of finding a new flat, as my landlords are selling the building. We needed something bigger anyway, but the news came as a bit of a shock and at a bad time.
Me & my OH are on a DMP with PayPlan (however, the majority of the debt is mine/my fault). We also have debt that they wont deal with, such as credit cards that are with our main banks and a guarantor loan that we have with PaydayUK.
I havent got a list of debt at the moment or a SOA as it will change soon anyway. I cant even bare to think about the total right now. But I am determined to get it cleared!
I have a gambling problem, which I have seeked help for in the past and seem to manage to go cold turkey for months at a time before i go ahead and screw up again. I am ashamed to say i have dragged my OH's credit rating through the mud with my antics and somehow she still gives me the time of day.
I want to learn how to drive, so it will improve my job options in my surrounding areas. We would also like a holiday in the future as we have never been on a proper holiday together, poor OH has never left the country!
I am picking up overtime any time I can. I also have a few little ideas up my sleeve to make a few crafty bits with my friend from work. I already do surveys etc and I'm saving my Amazon Vouchers for something special for OH.
I dont tend to have cash laying around or debit cards (I cant be trusted - I can admit it. I resent it sometimes, even though I have no right), so I dont tend to waste money on trivial spending. In fact when I handle cash, I tend to keep it alot longer than if it was a balance online.
Its not so much help & advice I'm looking for, although I do welcome it. I just need somewhere to vent/rant/moan, which you can see I do quite easily. Mainly I need somewhere to keep me focused.
I want this debt paid off and will update my signature as soon as i have all the facts and figures. I need to improve our credit ratings and in the future, we would love to get a mortgage.
I've been plodding along like this for the majority of my 20's when everyone i know have been having the times of their lives and growing up. Its pathetic and I need to sort myself out.
I love my OH more than anything and she doesnt deserve what I've chucked at her over the years.

Well - reading that all back I sound like a right misery guts, but I promise I'm not like this all the time.
Time to start tackling all the problems, instead of letting them take over.

bambi87

Using my last day of annual leave today. Going to make it productive!
Yesterday I bought a few things in a charity shop, so today I will be listing them on eBay.
Need to declutter before we move, so will try and make as much money out of that as possible.
I want to get in to a position where I can manage our debts, without the DMP. I want to get back in control and maybe make a chart so we can visualise where we stand. If anyone has a spreadsheet/graph to share, or any ideas, I would be grateful

bambi87

I've posted a couple of bits on the for sale pages in my local area on FB. Fingers crossed they sell.
Two loads of washing done so far. Just need to tackle the ironing!
Also made a chart to colour in, every time we pay £20 off our debt.
£20 might seem like a small amount, but the amount of times we waste £20 here and there on takeaways/snacks etc. We'll be better off this way and so will our waistlines!!

Just2Ashamed

You're not alone bambi, and you'll find a lot of support here from people who have also had issues with compulsive gambling. It sounds as though you're making some really positive steps. At the risk of being over personal (and you don't have to answer), how's your mental health? I find I can go for months without gambling, but my relapses are very much triggered by my mental state at the time - either low moods or manic episodes in my case. Could it be that this is an issue for you and that CBT or something similar would help?

amyc92

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