Top Table Dilemma

Ted_Boon

Removed ............ now sorted thank you Ted.

midnightraven3

It sounds like the bride has made the best choice she could
if the other (divorced) parents dont get on, this is the perfect solution for the bride to have her parents at the top table beside her on her wedding day
and the groom to have his

the meal is only a short time, once its over, you are free to mingle/sit beside your partner

Anatidaephobia

It sounds like a difficult situation. I totally understand why you would prefer to sit with your partner (I would too) but I also understand her dilemma regarding her parents. Personally I would just deal with it, if it's what the bride and groom want. It's only for the meal, then you can move.

arbrighton

As Anatidaephobia says, it's just for an hour or two for a meal, and if her parents don't get on, she might be doing the best she can.

I am dreading doing our table plan, not just because of OH divorced parents (and one new partner), but generally as you have to consider who will get on with who, balancing tables out etc and it has to be done fairly late on once all the RSVPs are done

LEJC

I think as others have said shes making the best of a situation....and its only a couple of hours whilst the meal and speeches take place...


If its any consolation my parents were seated similarly at our wedding next to the respective in law....I think TBH they would have preferred to sit together but they made polite conversation,smiled when they needed,enjoyed the day...and have never spoken at lenght to my in laws since!
They are different sets of people and wouldnt have chosen eachother as friends in a million years,but they do and did appreciate that their children are the important ones that have bonded the families...


As a bride choosing the top table layout..I guess I saw it as a mingling of the families and certainly it never crossed my mind that it could offend or upset either set.
Bothour sets of parents were married to eachother so there wasnt the "need" to split a divorced couple...to me it just seemed appropriate to seat them that way in order to blend.


20 years down the line and if I'm honest prior to my parents death the in laws still didnt have a great deal to do with eachother on odd occaisions that they met....polite general chit chat and exchanges and we've all got on with our respective lives.


I dont think you need to particularly get on with the inlaws but you do potentially need to support your children and if it means spending an hour or two in the company of a parent or step parent at the occaision of a wedding then its hardly a big price to pay.


Unfortunately weddings can and do stress out the bride and sometimes the smallest thing can escallate into something far bigger than it deserves to be...enjoy the day,celebrate with your son and new daughter in law,mingle with the inlaws and look back and reflect on it later as a wonderful time...dont let a seating plan cloud the day.

PrettyKittyKat

I think it is traditional to do this - so it may not be because the parents are divorced. I know when I went to my friends wedding the same was done even though as parents got on!

As others have said it is only for the meal, you can move seats after it so it could be best to grin and bear it for the benefit of the bride and groom

Floss

TBH, the seating of the parents appears to be planned in the "traditional" way - MoG with FoB, MoB with FoG. This is how it generally is, how it was at both of my weddings in 1984 & 2010 and at my parents wedding in 1954.

As others have said, its only for a few hours, and at the end of the day it is THEIR day, not yours. The only people whose wishes should matter are the bride & groom.

burnoutbabe

I am very unclear as to the relationships here?You say your son is getting married but then say your partner. So I am assuming the partner is not the mum of the chap getting married? and you are both women? (as it seems odd to sit dad by dad and women by women, usually its you with the opposite sex parent of the new in laws.

sillyvixen

We are not having parents on the top table - my mums idea, as my fiances parents have not spoken to each other in 15 years, in fact his father and sister have been estranged as long and his father has never met his sisters children.
Mum and Dad will happily sit with other family members, My partners mum will sit on a table with her partner, her sister and husband and her daughter (OH's sister) and family. His dad will be the other side of the room with his brother and several church friend's whom are old friends. My Mum and Dad will be in the middle with my uncle, aunt and their children and grand children. My brother will be on a table with the cousins and their families.
The top table will be us and the best man and his family - a bit unconventional i know but hopefully it will keep the peace!! my bridesmaid will be sat with her family (partner's niece) as if his sister wants her daughter kept away from grandad, thats her responsibility... nightmare!!

Edited to say only 5 weeks until i find out if it works!!

bowledover81

PrettyKittyKat wrote: »

I think it is traditional to do this - so it may not be because the parents are divorced. I know when I went to my friends wedding the same was done even though as parents got on!

As others have said it is only for the meal, you can move seats after it so it could be best to grin and bear it for the benefit of the bride and groom

You are right, this is the traditional layout.

fairy_lights

I don't really see how this is a dilemma to be honest - surely sitting with one of your new inlaws, instead of your spouse for the duration of the meal isn't that big an issue?
You might prefer to sit with your wife but it's not your wedding and everyone can't sit where they want or it would be chaos!