Wedding costs, etiquette and how I wish we could cancel it

Koalabear

Hi there,


I've posted a really long message on the debt free wannabe but have had no replies so I am taking the logical step of breaking it down into smaller / more readable chunks!


DP and I got married last Tuesday. It was a basic ceremony at our local registry office which came about as the original plan to have blessing & legal ceremonies done abroad, later on in the year, turned into a bureaucratic nightmare. Initially, we very mistakenly thought that it worked in our favour, especially as it seemed to save us at least £300. This wasn’t the case as the toast with our witnesses (and a couple of little ‘thank yous’ as they both took time off work to be there for us), evening meal for us two and a hotel night on top of it added to more than the money that we’ve saved by not having to go through translations etc!



We currently have over £5,860 outstanding to pay on wedding expenses for the ceremony in 5 months’ time and I am panicking. We’ve gone through the budget with a fine toothcomb but haven’t been able to find a way of reducing the overall cost. If we get the guests to pay for their own drinks (following the toast), it’d save us ca. £250. But guests are travelling from other quite far away to attend so it doesn’t seem right to make them pay for their drinks?



We could reduce the photographer’s time from 6 to 3 hours, which would just about cover the beach ceremony and save us £180.



One of the highest costs is actually the boat & beach set up as there’s no other way of getting to the relevant beach and it’ll look awful if we were to do it without the chairs etc. I do feel that we’re being ripped off but there are no other companies that can offer the same service so we’re paying £1,180 for the large boat for everybody and the beach set up. We are tempted to take out the speed boat for myself and the tulle & decoration of the main boat which would save us £253.



I’ve kept flowers to pretty much only the bouquet and a small arrangement for the ceremony table (simple, seasonal, local) and we’ve gone for very simple, local & traditional food. There’s no venue hire cost and guests numbers are ca. 30.



Any advice / suggestions, please?

TonyMMM

You're already married so there is no ceremony you have to go through in 5 months time.

What you are planning and paying the money for sounds like a holiday with a pretend wedding set up as part of it - if you can afford it, that's fine, but are you really happy getting into that much debt for a party, if not, see sense and cancel.

Robin9

I agree with TonyMMM - why ?

Robin9

Last Tuesday was the most important day of your life- ask yourself does a second ceremony abroad mean anything or is it just for show.

How committed are your guests - have paid for flights - whatwould the overall cancellation costs be - could just the two of you have a delayed honeymoon ?

NatCat

I agree with the other posters. You're married now so this trip is really for vanity. Something you can't really afford.

It's probably better to just cancel it and tell everyone you've decided to just go away on a honeymoon instead. If you do want to cancel though then I'd do it sooner rather than later before people have bought tickets and booked hotels.

Floss

How much will it cost to cancel everything - what do your contracts say?

nimbo

You're already married - the rest really is vanity.

Pay for you and OH to have an amazing honey moon and save yourself a bleeding fortune...

FBaby

You say 'outstanding', so does it mean you've already paid into it and can't cancel? If so, it's really a bit late and all you can do is minimise the costs. No one can tell you whether a few £££ will make a huge difference to your financial situation.

You've chosen a holiday theme wedding minus the ceremony and that comes at a price and not much cutting to go with it. Can you just relax and enjoy it now that you committed to it and instead plan how you are going to repay the huge bill asap afterwards? Take some extra work, move to cheaper accommodation etc...

SarahQ85

Could you ask family members for help? Rather than asking them for cash, they might be able to pay for certain things in lieu of a present - eg aunty buys the flowers, sister buys some jewellery.

Weddings are expensive - but remember that it's a massive profit-driven industry trying to guilt-trip you into spending money. A wedding should be a celebration of family and friends - but we feel like we should spend a small fortune fripperies like a dress we'll only wear once.

Do you really have to follow the set formula? It doesn't have to feel like cutting corners; doing things a bit differently makes it more personal and memorable, and might be a way to save some money.

E.g.

Koalabear wrote: »

One of the highest costs is actually the boat & beach set up as there’s no other way of getting to the relevant beach and it’ll look awful if we were to do it without the chairs etc. I do feel that we’re being ripped off but there are no other companies that can offer the same service so we’re paying £1,180 for the large boat for everybody and the beach set up. We are tempted to take out the speed boat for myself and the tulle & decoration of the main boat which would save us £253.

Would it really look awful without the chairs? In American films they often seem to have outdoor weddings with these white chairs arranged in rows - is that the look you're going for? To me that looks a bit strange - you take a lovely natural open space, then drop in some formal indoor furniture.

If the beach is so special - and I'm guessing it is, as you're going all the way there - maybe you could do something more in keeping with the natural environment. What if everyone brought picnic blankets to sit on? Could you decorate the space with pebbles, shells and driftwood?

pollypenny

Oh, dear! This is way over the top!

You'd be better cancelling and just have a little holiday! A wedding can be special, because it's you, the one you love and your families.

It's not about doing something original and expensive.

WedMeSoon

I wonder how this worked out in the end?