partner wont take debt seriously

lornb

Hi everyone . As a couple we are £12000 in. Debt - credit cards and overdraft. We just agreed yet again to have a very careful month so that we can clear a chunk of debt and yet he has just put £ 6 0 on a credit card for gig tickets! How can I make him see the mess we are in? He is talking about where we are going on holiday this year? He works hard full time and I work 25 hours a week. On paper we should be comfortably off but we are always skint. I'm ashamed and desperate to sort it out but he seems oblivious. What can , I do?

sourcrates

lornb wrote: »

Hi everyone . As a couple we are £12000 in. Debt - credit cards and overdraft. We just agreed yet again to have a very careful month so that we can clear a chunk of debt and yet he has just put £ 6 0 on a credit card for gig tickets! How can I make him see the mess we are in? He is talking about where we are going on holiday this year? He works hard full time and I work 25 hours a week. On paper we should be comfortably off but we are always skint. I'm ashamed and desperate to sort it out but he seems oblivious. What can , I do?

Hi,
See this thread, it's a similar story to yourself :

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5180406

Advice could apply to you also.

lornb

Thank you. We have been married 30 years and have consolidated debt before. Twice. I have learned my lesson big time but he just doesn't. I'm at my wits end

sourcrates

lornb wrote: »

Thank you. We have been married 30 years and have consolidated debt before. Twice. I have learned my lesson big time but he just doesn't. I'm at my wits end

It's usuallly a case of sitting down with someone and showing them the figures in black and white.
What you have coming in, verses what you have going out.

Can be trial and error unfortunatly, some people are unable to acknowledge the amount of debt they are in, they need to realise for themselves that this situation can't go on.

This moment is called there "lightbulb moment" and until there actually there, it will be an uphill struggle.

Consolidation is rarely a good option as the temptation is always there to use the available credit again, may be a plan to give National Debtline or Stepchange a call tomorrow, both offer free impartial advise.

lornb

Thank you it's just so frustrating that I can't sleep at night and he's planning a holiday!!!!

poppasmurf_bewdley

I do sympathise with you because I was married to someone very similar. That was 10 years ago and she's now living in a caravan to try and hide from all those she owes money to.

There is not a lot you can do if someone is not willing to listen to reason. Maybe the proverbial cutting off of conjugal rights for a period of time may bring some sense to the situation!

enthusiasticsaver

I agree it is totally frustrating for you. Have you tried to sit down together and work out a monthly budget? When someone is refusing to acknowledge debt is a problem there really is very little you can do beyond talk to him and telling him how much you would like to sort it out and how worried you are.


There are some people who just do not see the connection with how much money you have coming in and how much they are spending. It is almost like in their brains the message they are hearing is I work hard therefore I should be able to buy the things I want. The fact that the debt is increasing on credit cards or overdraft is not a problem to them until the credit or overdraft is cut off. If you can get his agreement to stop using credit cards this would be a start so he can see when he is spending he is using real money rather than plastic. My suggestion would be to cut them up.

pleasedelete

Well think positive, you are really lucky in that you have the capacity to take on another job. Lots of couples with debt already both work full time and don't have that as an option.

How quickly can you extend your hours or get another job?

Then you need to look at how you got into debt- is it day to day living or luxury items? Who has spent the money and how?

Thrugelmir

lornb wrote: »

Thank you. We have been married 30 years and have consolidated debt before. Twice. I have learned my lesson big time but he just doesn't. I'm at my wits end

Default may be painful but perhaps the lesson that needs to be learnt. Don't put your name to any more debt.

McKneff

Cutting the cards up should be your first job