cant sleep since I told hubby

jlo

Last week I told my hubby I am in 16.5k worth of credit card and overdraft debt.

before I told him it was my little secret and I didnt worry.

I can make the repayments and I can pay it back slowly, but now I lie awake every night worrying. It is as if telling my hubby made it real.

the enormity of the debt and how hard it will be to pay back is hitting me. It is like the years of stress and worry I have been bottling up have all gushed out.

my mind races at night about how I will manage.

it is going to be a long, awful process. But I can do it.

ERICS_MUM

Are you worrying about hubby's reaction to your news ?

jlo

I was worried before I told him but he has been fab. Very supportive.

he is the first person I have told so now it seems real instead of just random numbers.

pathtofreedom

Is the debt all in your name? Have you done an soa? It might not be as bad as you fear especially if hubby has been ok.

Might be worth talking to stepchange or one of the other free debt charities to get their take. How is your credit? Is there any debt you could shift onto a 0% credit card?

sourcrates

Any accounts pre-date April 2007 ?

If so CCA requests for all loan and credit ard accounts should be your first step.

andyfromotley

Well done, you have taken the first step, and thats all dealing with debt is, lots and lots of little steps. Before you know it you will look back and be amazed by how far you have travelled.

On_my_way

You have taken the first step. It amazes me that anyone's husband can be surprised as it is fairly obvious when someone is living above their means.

So many women post on here about how worried they are to tell their partner that he or she needs to rein it in as they are in debt and struggling. I had the same with my ex, he used to spend so much and I had to as well because that's what he expected. Six years later I am still paying it off.

KirstyO

It might be bothering you now, but in the long run, once your mind has processed it you will be glad you were honest with him. He will want to help. That doesn't necessarily mean giving you money cash in hand, but it could mean he is more considerate when he is doing any grocery shopping (ie not buying expensive brands, shopping at Aldi/Lidl rather than somewhere more expensive) and it is these small things that can add up to get the debt shrunk faster.


Maybe thinking longer term about holidays/time away you could look at self catering/staycation (although be careful where you stay, sometimes staying in the UK is more expensive than going abroad, but shop around and there are deals to be had).


You say it's going to be awful. Well in the short term maybe, you'll have to make and stick to lifestyle changes and adapt, and this takes time. But once you have done this and are seeing your debt shrinking, you will in fact be educating yourself to better financial habits for when the debt is gone. I was never a saver before debt, but now each month £800 of my hard earned cash goes to savings for other things. Some of it has already been spent (holiday that has been booked but isn't paid for till August etc), but some of it is genuine savings for emergencies or a rainy day in the future when I will deserve a treat.


As others have said you're taking the early steps on this road, which are inevitably the biggest steps when the road is at its longest. Speak to a debt charity if you need to, they will advise the best way for you to get through this debt. It may or may not be debt management plan, this route isn't for everyone. Sometimes you just need to talk to someone impartial to make sure you're SOA is correct and hear some encouragement that it looks OK and as long as you are using your monthly surplus to get rid of debt then you're doing the right thing.


We're here when you need us

jlo

Thank you all so much!

there is lots to consider.

my hubby is really good with money. He saves and has no debt. So I am lucky in that way as he can advise me.

I told him if it hadn't been for him I might not have had my lbm until 50k.

I am ashamed as I have been on this site for over 7 years and in that time my debts have spiralled.

thanks again all. Very encouraging.

KirstyO

Hope you sleep a little better tonight x

[Deleted User]

Just one word of advice - now that you've told him, and if he's good with money, don't hide anything from him. Let him see all the statements, let him crunch all the numbers.

It'll do you both good, and he might be able to come up with some good suggestions for you.