Some help/advice/hugs would be greatly appreciated

Shineyhappy

Hi guys,

I don’t know what this post is about other than I have so much going on in my little head and I just need to let some of it out.

As you can see from my signature I am in a lot of debt, ok most of it is because I bought my ex out of our flat, but its still money owed and to be frank money is pretty tight. I have 360 pounds after all my bills have been paid and this comes from my lodger. I don’t earn a small fortune and have a big mortgage (interest only) and then living expenses.

Up until now, things have been tight but I have been using the 360 to pay off debts and been very happy. Then out of the blue on Saturday morning I got dumped by my OH. I know this is the main reason for this post as I am pretty down and just need lots of hugs. I really did think he was the one and he told me he loved me more than anything and I was his best friend! So his reasons for the split were basically, me not making the most of my appearance, me not being a clean freak (although I have made a real effort when I was living with him) and him saying that his last gf looked the spitting image of Wayne Rooneys mrs at her best and took a lot of trouble to look that good and it was hard going out with a regular person!

I hope nobody minds me posting such a mish mash of emotions/problems on this thread but like others this is where I kind of know people on this board and it is partly a debt thing.

One of the reasons he dumped me was because I don’t make that much of an effort with my appearance (ie I don’t wear make up except for special occasions) and I am a bit scruffy (I wear jeans/combats to work as does everyone else and I am the only girl so if I started dressing up I would get teased it was because I fancied one of them). I guess I have always been a tom boy and I have to say I always thought it was pretty shallow to worry about your appearance too much. I never had any problems being asked out as I am fairly confident (at least on the outside), I would say reasonably attractive, a size 12, I just don’t get words like glamour! I guess a dfw related problem is that I just cant afford a lot of new more feminine clothes, unless I take the money out of the spare 360 that has been paying off debts.

I bought some make up last October when I got dumped before, I spent a hundred pounds on Body Shop stuff which obviously included brushes and stuff as I had nothing previously. Shame I didn’t wear it more than about 4 times I guess!

I am sorry this is turning into a real essay I just need to have a huge whine!

My ex was a really nice bloke, I think he was a bit shallow, but he is a decent bloke and I wish that he would tell me he had made a mistake, but my ex ex said similar things about me being a bit scruffy. I wish I could get some advice from my friends but all they say are useless things like “go shopping to America clothes are really cheap there” or “why not go to John Lewis/Debenhams and get a personal make over, its very reasonable” or suggest going to an exclusive hairdresser/beautician. Hence why I don’t see them much as last time I did they tried to get me to go to one of the most expensive restaurants in town as a “treat”. They know what my situation is but I don’t think any of them really get that when I say I am skint I am actually skint!

As you can see I don’t know which board this should be on as its relationships/health and beauty and a debt thing. Sometimes I feel like crying and sometimes I feel like my head wants to explode.

I would really appreciate some input into anything I have mentioned. I can not cut back on anything, I don’t even have sky or a home phone line or internet. But any comments/tips/advice/hugs would be very helpful!

Thanks for listening!:T

whitewing

awww, I've been there too, ((((((((((((((lots of lovely hugs))))))))))))).

Shineyhappy

whitewing wrote: »

awww, I've been there too, ((((((((((((((lots of lovely hugs))))))))))))).

Thank you:T

So what did you do?

OliveOyl_2

Aw hugs hon (((()))) (is that right?)

were you wearing "slap" when you two got together? He obviously fancied you then didn't he?
Guys and their attitude to make-up are weird aren't they? I took stuff on honeymoon, and as it was Italy took my most glamorous gear, and my brand new OH admitted that if I'd looked like that at the onset he'd never have pursued me, not that he didn't fancy me, but I'd have been "out of his league" :rolleyes:

I believe your ex is using the make-up bit as an excuse. You own your own place, that makes you an independant attractive woman, some may find it threatening, but there'll be loads more who won't.

When I was dumped, years ago someone said to me "you can't be unattractive, he fancied you once". I funnily enough found that encouraging. You have 2 ex's, you can't be unattractive!

tigzem

Hi - sorry I have no advice but thought I'd offer some hugs for you... bet it feels better getting it all out in the open hey?

I'm the same as you, don't make much of an effort, hardly wear make-up, can't remember when last had my hair done, nails?? yeah right!! Plus I'm a size 16... I could do with sorting something out but can't find the enthusiasm....

re your work, could you wear nice tops with your jeans/combats... maybe they won't notice but may make you feel good or some nice sexy undies - then they def won't notice!!

You're very brave posting so well done.... hopefully someone will be along soon to give some decent advice.

Big hugs xxx

welshgirl78

Poor you SH - not nice at all but agree with the above - he found you attractive at some point so ??? Plus EVERYONE wears less (no) make up as relationships go on, plus pyjamas, trackie bottoms etc etc - no one can sit around in heels and makeup all night every night and quite frankly if he expects that he is not worthy of you!!!

Must go file my nails and curl my eyelashes!!!

Shineyhappy

OliveOyl wrote: »

Aw hugs hon (((()))) (is that right?)

were you wearing "slap" when you two got together? He obviously fancied you then didn't he?
Guys and their attitude to make-up are weird aren't they? I took stuff on honeymoon, and as it was Italy took my most glamorous gear, and my brand new OH admitted that if I'd looked like that at the onset he'd never have pursued me, not that he didn't fancy me, but I'd have been "out of his league" :rolleyes:

I believe your ex is using the make-up bit as an excuse. You own your own place, that makes you an independant attractive woman, some may find it threatening, but there'll be loads more who won't.

When I was dumped, years ago someone said to me "you can't be unattractive, he fancied you once". I funnily enough found that encouraging. You have 2 ex's, you can't be unattractive!

I met him through work so I definatly wasnt wearing any make up or nice clothes but he came on our office party (he works for another company we deal with that is just over the road) and I did make the effort to dress up.

I was always worried about his ex being so pretty and she really could be a model but he always said how shallow she was and he was fed up of her having surgery and her knowing she was a stunner and treating him "like a dog" so maybe he went for the other extreme but found he missed the good looks more than he thought?

I dont think I am ugly or anything but I guess I could make more of an effort, its just I am pretty clueless and for a 26 year old I do dress a bit frumpy and like big baggy jumpers.

Idont think he is threatened by me having my own place as earns three times what I do. But maybe a lot of men prefer little helpless females with nothing to worry about but their hair?

Uniscots97

Sending hugs. :grouphug:

Seaxwyn

HI shineyhappy

Oh that's terrible news - poor you. But he obviously is shallow, and a bit of a wally, and although you don't feel it now you're better off without him.

My OH occasionally hints that he'd like me to wear make-up. Well tough. I just am not the type and never will be. And I know he loves me despite my not being the perfect Barbie Doll woman - and you will find someone who loves you too.

You must be feeling down and so here are lots of hugs (I never can find that smiley!) hang on in there, time is a great healer and you will feel better.

mister_b_3

He may be a really nice bloke but if those are the reasons he gave for splitting up having said the other stuff to you then he is obviously a little immature to say the least.

I think it is important, despite what he says, to remember how important it is to be happy in the skin that you are in... if someone truly does love you for who and what you are and if they are going to fulfil you then they will love you for who you are - not what you look like when you're 'dolled-up'. Keep being yourself and stay true to who and what you are - not what you perceive that others think you should be.

I've only just learned this lesson myself.

Take care.

Shineyhappy

Thanks everyone for the hugs!

I just dont get it, I think tv and the media give the impression that women are supposed to be dressed up all the time. Every show you watch all the women always seem to have come from a beauty parlour!

He said that he did still fancy me, I just wasnt like a model. It just seems super shallow to me. But I doubt many blokes will openly stick up for him even if they feel the same way!