Getting married and not having any family there?

tubie22

Hello,

My partner and I have been together for 9 years and have a 5 month old son. We always knew we wanted to get married in our tenth year together and wanted a very very low key affair, so provisionally booked the registrar for May 2016.

My ideal day would be my partner, myself and our son, getting ready together at home, walking down to the town hall (10 mins away, wouldn't be wearing a wedding dress, just a simple tea dress), have the ceremony, have 2 members of staff from the town hall as witnesses, go and have a lovely meal in town and go home (see what I mean by low key!).

However, the issue with this is, as always, family. My older sister had me as her bridesmaid at her full blown church/cars/cake/reception/linen napkins wedding 3 years ago and it was a beautiful day and exactly everything she wanted and deserved to have. But it's just not my thing. It never has been. Secondly, my mother. My mother and sister had a major falling out at the time of my sisters upcoming wedding to the extent that my mother did not attend, which I know killed them both inside, but they are both as stubborn as each other and neither would make the first move.

This is what leads me to wonder whether we should do it without family or not. My mother is not an emotional kind of person and let's us all go about things our own way, and my sister has stipulated that we should get married whatever way suits us as a couple. If we invite parents then we have to invite siblings. And if we invite siblings we will have to invite my partners idiotic, ungrateful, immature brother - my 14 year old brother bought my son a christmas present, my partners 22 year old brother didn't even write him a card or say merry christmas to him, has never held him, didn't even physically look at him, his first nephew, until my son was 3 months old. WHY WOULD I WANT TO PAY MONEY FOR HIM TO ATTEND A WEDDING MEAL?!

So it's really a case of not inviting anyone for less fuss, less money and to avoid my partner's idiot brother at all costs.

We had planned to not even tell anyone we got married. I had mentioned to my mum and sister that we had thought about May 2016 but I can always say we decided not to, no more question asked, then actual go and do it and not tell anyone until years after.

Marriage will not change anything for us apart from my last name and anything to do with my partner's work pension, life insurance etc (How romantic are we?!). We have been together 9 years, we have a child and a home, e are aware that we love one another and we want to make our family all have the same name to 'secure' us in a way.

What I want to know is if anyone else got married and didnt have family there or tell family afterwards? Do you regret it? Should we suffer through my partner's brother insufferable smirk and grimace for the day and pay for a meal for him without so much as a congratulations or thank you for a nice day? Why should I waste my money on him?

Any opinions welcome.

vroombroom

We're doing exactly as you described, but with a few family members.

I've actually just booked the registrar today. We're getting married at 11:30am on a Wednesday in October - when the kids are at school;) our own son will be there and the only child in attendance.

We're going to the old civic building to get married and then a little pub round the corner from us for a buffet. There will be exactly 3 people altogether. My OH has two sisters, one of who is married and one is getting divorced. The one who is married I have met her husband 3 times in the 6 years I have known OH, so he is not invited;)

Do what you want, it's about you guys anyway xx

tubie22

It is what we both want, what have both always wanted. We aren't wedding-y kinda people, it isn't going to change the set-up of our family or our relationship, it just makes us a complete, legal family, and as a stay at home mummy (at the minute) the assurance that I have a husband and more rights for our family is important to me specifically for our son. My partner feels the same.

I think my mum might be a bit put out, but I would like to maybe get some blank cards and write a quick message to let everyone know we got married, it was exactly the way we wanted it to be, we understand if people will be a bit annoyed but we didn't get married for anyone else but ourselves. We also plan to donate some money to an animal sanctuary as a 'wedding favour' to everyone, which we hope will lessen the blow haha!

vroombroom

My mum is having a hissy fit cos were going for food in a pub that backs onto a council estate lol and also because I am ordering a knee length wedding dress from BHS

tubie22

vroombroom wrote: »

My mum is having a hissy fit cos were going for food in a pub that backs onto a council estate lol and also because I am ordering a knee length wedding dress from BHS

Very originally, when i had mentioned to my mum about possibly getting married next year and having a small family buffet at home (our second 'original' idea), my mum was outraged and kept pushing and pushing a wedding reception in a local wine bar,said she would pay for it etc etc. It was so difficult to try any explain that it's not 'us'. We don't want table plans and speeches and linen and all that faff. We are essentially a married couple now in all aspects apart from the actual license - together 9 years, lived together 5 years, baby together, holidays together, attend family events together. she just couldnt understand why someone wouldnt want a large puffy white dress and all eyes on them at every moment of the day. I literally can think of nothing worse!:rotfl:

vroombroom

Oh Tubie, you are like me and OH. The thought of table clothes and matching chair covers, a first dance, speeches, etc etc fill us with dread.
We had a baby, then bought a house, so done it all backwards ;-)
We'd prob get on in real life lol :rotfl:

Poc

My partner and I did just that. We have been together 32 years and didn't want the fuss. There were no guests and the witnesses were provided by the registry office. We followed the service with lunch for two at our local Pizza Express.!!!!

We could have afforded a party - we simply didn't want one.

We sent cards to family and friends telling them after the event and no one took it badly. Do what you want - it's your day.

tubie22

We are both only 24 and each others' first love, so i think everyone is expecting a big do with lots of gushing and flowers and faffing about. Whether we had been together 2 years or 9 years, neither of us ever wanted a 'wedding'. It's not really a big deal to us to be honest, we just want the legalities and for us all to have the same name, as i grew up with my dads name as my mum was never married (perhaps another reason why she wants me to have the works) and it bothered me as an older child that i didn't have my mum's name (my dad was a tw*t and I havent seen him since I was about 13, and I simply hated having his name). I know it's not exactly the same but I don't want my son to wonder why I have a different name to him, he'll be 1 and half when we get married and I'd like the nam)e change before he starts to ask questions haha!

kazwookie

I got married many years with a total of 5 guests, so 7 in total, we went to a local pub for a late lunch.

3 days later we had a reception / hotel meal for 50 family / friends

I enjoyed both days and wouldnt have changed either of them.

Do what you / your hubby to be want to do and enjoy, good luck.

vroombroom

Lol I haven't seen my dad either Tubie.
Our son will be 4 in May and will have to miss a day of school - oops! x

tubie22

vroombroom wrote: »

Lol I haven't seen my dad either Tubie.
Our son will be 4 in May and will have to miss a day of school - oops! x

I'm sure it will be worth missing a day though, seeing his mummy and daddy all loved up, I'm sure that will make him amazingly happy :j

Just tell the school he was under the weather!:p