Cat Doesn't Like Partner

KatieDee

Hello everybody,

I have two lovely cats who are around 2 years old. I have been with my partner for almost six years and we have lived together since before we found our cats.

The male cat doesn't mind him but my female cat seems almost frightened of him.

For example, I have just been enjoying a cuddle with her (I am the only person she will cuddle with) during which she was extremely relaxed (nuzzling and purring). My boyfriend walked in to say hello and she stood up, stared at him and darted off. A few moments after he left the room, she returned and sat in the exact same position.

My boyfriend is quite hurt because he is always pleasant to her but it seems she just doesn't like him. She is quite a cautious cat in general but seems 100% comfortable around me and regularly lays in my arms on her back for tummy rubs. My partner and I have always lived together so she has grown up around him - it isn't as though he is a new addition!

Do cats often take a disliking to certain people? Is there anything we can do to improve their relationship?

Fluff15

Who does most of the feeding, grooming and cleaning up after them? I find my two are closest to me and treat me 'nicer' than when I lived with my ex even though we had them from kittens. I can only put this down to the fact that I'm their main caregiver.

They're friendly towards my new partner, but will never come in for cuddles. However now my Dad is lodging with me, they have once sat on him, which I think is because he will care for them in my absence (my ex would just wait until I got home).

stir_crazy

I agree with Fluff, my DH works away a lot so I am the main care giver. As a result, the cats sit on my knee, actively come to me when I call and seem excited to see me when I get home from work. They tend to stay away from DH so he has to go to them to pet them, even then they dont tolerate it long. They are very much my pets, even though they are our cats.

jenny-wren

If she's anything like our pampered puss, the one who feeds her is the one that will be her favourite! Try getting your partner to give her a few treats and make a fuss over her when she lets him stroke her. She should become more accepting.

Our little rascal now much prefers hugs from my OH when she's in her bed but still comes to me for lap hugs. And it's my side of our bed that she hogs rather than his!

aileth

Main caregiver doesn't seem to matter with our two! Husband feeds in mornings, I feed in evenings. One of them is attached to him, one of them is attached to me. The one attached to me won't go near him. He won't go near anyone else except me in fact!

TBagpuss

has she always been like this with him, or is it a recent change? How does she react to visitors (male and female)?

If she has alwys been like this, then it may be she had a bad experience with a man before you got her, or it may simply be that she is a one-person cat.

If it is a recent change, then it may be that something has changed - did he accidentally step on her tail, has he changed his aftershave or shower gel so he smells different.?

My previous cat was very nervous when I got him, and continued being very jumpy around anyone but me for his entire life, although it did improve somewhat over time.

He would never sit on anyone but me if I was available.

Some things which I tried which seemed to help were:

- the other person sitting next to me on the sofa, but not trying to pet or touch the cat at all
- once he relaxed and was happy sitting on/by be with someone else also on the sofa, that person might pet or stroke him (starting with me giving him chin-rubs, and the other person stroking his back - I'm not sure he realised that I don;t have 3 hands so it wasn't all me!)
- when I wasn;t around, the other person would let him come to them, let him decide if/when he wanted to sit on/near them.

I didn;t do much with food/treats as my cat was not very food orientated but if yours likes treats then having your partner give him treats (initially when she is sitting on you) might help.

Look at car body language - your partner could help her by blinking/closing his eyes when he is looking in her direction, yawing, and looking away from her. All of those things are relaxed / non-threatening signs.

If she is mostly jumpy when cat is relaxed and he comes into the room, it's possible that she was just startled - he's big and she hadn't noticed him come in - I think often when a cat is very relaxed thy are paying less attention to what else is going on so are more likely to be statled noises etc. Could that be a factor?

All that said, cats do have preferences and it may just be that this cat is more attached to you than to him.
I currently have two cats. One is very much 'mine' - she is friendly to other people, and will sit on them, but she will always immediately move to come to me the moment I sit down.
The other (they are siblings, so identical background etc) is anybodies. I live alone, so obviously they both take a little while to get to know new people, but he other than that, he seems equally content to sit on anyone, and get his belly rubs from anyone.

One other thought - my cats have definite preferences as to where they sit. Do you are your partner have preferred seats? if so, our partner might find that the cat is more willing to sit on him if he sits in 'your' place.

his_missus

One of my cats, adopted from a friend, won't go near my Hubby even though we've had the cat at least 8 years now. Although allegedly, Hubby says he will go to him when I'm not home.


He was a timid cat when we took him in, he lived upstairs under the spare bed for the first few months and I was the one who went up and fed him, would lie on the floor talking to him under the bed and cleaned out the litter tray. Maybe that's why he took to me and not Hubby.


We do wonder though if he was hurt/abused by a man (my friend had many boyfriends who came and went) as he doesn't seem to like male visitors but does female ones.


Hubby has just got used to being snubbed and the cat hiding from him.