My husband isn't welcome at his father's funeral

rosy798

Similar thing happened to me when my Mother was told she was dying in Feb. I had an argument with my sister, an evil, money grabbing person, and Mum took her side. Mum said to sister she hated me and didnt want me going to her house. As Mum was ill I just accepted this as I didnt want Mum upset any more. Four years later and the doctors tell Mum she is going to die very soon, she sends for me. I went straight there as I thought she wanted to say sorry for the bad things she had done. She didnt. I continued to visit every other day until she died a month later. I got the news via via via so phoned the hospital to ask why they didnt call me as arranged. Hospital said that my family said not to they would do it, they didnt. This hurt me so much. Sister arranged a funeral director, not the family one we always use. I was not told where Mum was lying or when funeral was. I did find out through another family member. I decided not to go as I couldnt be certain that I wouldnt create a scene if, as I thought, myself and my children were removed from Mums history. We had a private little meeting at the same time as the funeral. I still think this was the correct thing to do. I was still upset even though Mum had done bad things but kept my dignity. I am not sure I could have done this at her funeral listening to how much Mum loved sister and brother and their children and no mention of me and mine. Sorry if this sounds selfish but that's my point of view.

KxMx

See on another thread I did advise someone to respect the wishes of the chief mourner.

But having a step mother myself and being on OK terms with my Dad (not speaking at the moment but don't intend it to be permanent!), there is no way I would not attend if it was made clear I wasn't welcome.

I have issues with how my step mother seems to encourage certain behaviour towards me, and i'd be damned if I let her dictate funeral attendance.

I probably would do it by slipping in at the back quietly, and not doing it publicly/overtly, but I would go.

I'm well aware how he paints himself a perfect Dad to me and my brother, and how wonderful i'm sure everyone thinks he is, so I don't think on the day if I heard that it would particularly upset me. Because I know the truth and I know the image he projects to others already. I'm very realistic and matter of fact about it and even with the emotional of a funeral, do not think that aspect would affect me much.

Marktheshark

Blood is thicker than water.
Turn up and claim your blood right.
The rest will just have to suck it if they do not like it, it is a public place.

When someones wishes extends to not wanting a man sons at his farthers funeral then they absolutely deserve to be shown up and ignored.
Your dad, his funeral, tough tittie for her if she does not like it.

g6jns_2

Marktheshark wrote: »

Blood is thicker than water.
Turn up and claim your blood right.
The rest will just have to suck it if they do not like it, it is a public place.

When someones wishes extends to not wanting a man sons at his farthers funeral then they absolutely deserve to be shown up and ignored.
Your dad, his funeral, tough tittie for her if she does not like it.

+1 really though not in quite those terms. A person has only one father and he only dies once. The other mourners will just have to put up with it. Be dignified and don't get into any argument.

POPPYOSCAR

Marktheshark wrote: »

Blood is thicker than water.
Turn up and claim your blood right.
The rest will just have to suck it if they do not like it, it is a public place.

When someones wishes extends to not wanting a man sons at his farthers funeral then they absolutely deserve to be shown up and ignored.
Your dad, his funeral, tough tittie for her if she does not like it.

I hate that expression, Blood is most certainly not thicker than water in some families.


Anyway this has nothing to do with Blood rights, anyone can go to a funeral in a public crematorium(with some exceptions) so he can go but it sounds like it will be him that is ignored by the mourners and therefore for him to decide if he is prepared for this.

gettingtheresometime

Haven't spoken to my father for the best part of 30yrs and when his time comes,then I won't be going.

And if my time comes before his I've left instructions for him not to attend mine

DUTR

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

Haven't spoken to my father for the best part of 30yrs and when his time comes,then I won't be going.

And if my time comes before his I've left instructions for him not to attend mine

:eek: I must ask, is he bothered that you are not speaking to him?

Marktheshark

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I hate that expression, Blood is most certainly not thicker than water in some families.
.

It is where they are not married with no will.

Richard_T_

If he wants to go to find some sort of closure, or even if he just wants to go then he should do so.
If the other family are not welcoming then does it matter what they think?
If its a church service, or any other service followed by a cremation then just slip into the back at the church/other service, and leave just before the end likewise if its a crematorium its highly likely that the other people wont even notice.
If he knows where the funeral is to take place then pay a visit before hand talk to the vicar/person leading the funeral and tell them what the situation is.
This is a one time only event, it may be better to attend than to spend the rest of your/his life feeling guilty/worrying that he didn't attend.

gettingtheresometime

DUTR wrote: »

:eek: I must ask, is he bothered that you are not speaking to him?

I really wouldn't know.

I guess he's kept up to speed with what's happening as he's in contact with my sister.