I give up

sacha28

Don't really want advice just a bit of a rant as I can't really do it at my 2 yr old, and he's the only one that's up with me!!

So I started a thread the other day about parking charges at work as they had increased the monthly amount by 40% as they didn't get their system set up in time to take payment.

So today.......we are on the breadline, we have to budget for EVERY penny that goes out of our account, no room for error as there isn't a spare one. Friday I make sure there is enough in the account to cover the DD, in actual fact I made sure there was a couple quid more. I check online banking today and it's been returned as my OH has, unbeknown to me, joined a union and instead of paying through his wages has chosen to pay by DD. So the lesser DD has been paid, my parking has not as it would have taken me a measly £1.39 overdrawn. I now can't park at work as they will have cancelled my permit and, if you have read my other thread, this will making going to work impossible.

Please don't bash me for not saving the 3 months they didn't take as I'm on the verge of having a meltdown right now, only holding it together for the sake of my son. I feel sick to the back teeth of working every hour I can, only to just about survive. I have been inwardly losing the plot, I don't know what I can do.

We genuinely have no life, just a mere existence. I can't even go to the doctors for the infection I know I'm brewing (high temp, rigors, nausea, pain etc) as I can't afford the prescription charge.

I've had enough of this. I'm failing my son, I'm failing my OH, I'm failing myself. I just can't afford to live. It's soul destroying.

Sorry, self pity over.

in_need_of_direction

Sorry not to be overly constructive but is there family you could borrow from just to get you past this blip? It sounds like £25 would cover it and a prescription charge as I don't think you should ignore your health issues.

greensalad

Why did your OH start a new charge on your joint account without telling you?

I know it's not your fault, but I'd sit down with him and discuss it. It's not on. You need to communicate. My OH once paid for his Top Golf membership on our joint account and it pushed us over as I have balanced it perfectly, I was so annoyed.

If you're organising your finances and don't want things like this to happen again, I'd suggest keeping a separate account just for Direct Debits and keeping a share spreadsheet detailing the costs. This is what me and my partner do. Our "Utilities" account is where absolutely all of our DD's come out and I keep a strict spreadsheet of all the costs, what day they leave and how much share we pay. I even set up an automatic email alert to email my OH on his payday and say "you must pay x amount". He pays it in and we don't worry about any of our bills. I tick off each DD as it comes out so I can check for any inconsistencies. Every weekend I take a quick browse through while we do our paperwork and bring up any over or under charges which we then investigate. It really doesn't take long to set up. I can send you my spreadsheet if you like, here's a snapshot: http://grab.by/DzOK

I would then recommend a second joint account (perhaps the one you have now) for all general household spending. This is where everything that is variable goes. And you should keep this account budgeted properly using something like YNAB. I use Money Dashboard to keep an overview of what areas I'm spending in. I review it every Monday in my debt-free diary and see where I can improve.

I've fallen foul of having bad money management in the past and have racked up probably hundreds in bank charges since I turned 16. It's horrible and it makes you spiral out of control. So grab it now while you still can. Keep things as separate as you can, don't take cards out that give you access to money earmarked for other things and make your husband aware that he needs to talk through money with you if it comes out of the joint account. E.g my partner decided he wanted to pay to have an extra sport channel with Sky. So he updated the spreadsheet and added the charge to our joint account. I can see how much it's costing and I can see that everything is balanced properly.

Tixy

It sounds like you are having a rubbish time at the moment sacha, but it doesn't mean you are failing yourself or your family.

Short term
1) Do you have any colleagues who could pick you up somewhere on the way to work (somewhere along their route in where you can park your car for free)?

2) Does your husband have any other bank accounts / either of you have access to credit to pay for the prescription? If not how soon will you have some income coming in to pay for a prescription?

Longer Term
Have you and your OH done a recent budget / full statement of affairs to look at exactly what you have coming in and going out each month?
Why are things so tight? are you getting all/any benefits you are entitled to? are you repaying debts currently? might you need to consider reducing payments on your debts so you can better manage your day to day living costs? can either of you increase your income?

Does husband understand how tight your finances are at the moment? Does he not realise that any additional expenditure needs to be planned for and budgeted and not just to sign up to DDs without running it through your budget to work out if it is affordable.

foxgloves

Hello Sacha,
You are clearly having a horrible day today so I'm just posting a little reply to say that the fact that you are struggling financially does not mean you are failing yourself, your son or anyone else. Things are bad for many, many people at the moment. Sadly, the political system in this country is going backwards, meaning that the odds are stacked more than ever in favour of the wealthy elite & against the rest of us. This is unfair & wrong and while you may feel alone, there will be thousands of people sharing those feelings this morning.
I'm not going to say that I'm in the same position as you, I'm not. I need to budget carefully but I'm not & never have been on the breadline. However, I do understand the problem you are having with additional payments being taken from your bank account by your partner which you didn't know about. I have finally got my husband to see that if he charges something extra to our bank account after I've done the budget, then he may cause us to go overdrawn. Last month, I did the budget & because I decided to pay a credit card off in full, our bank account was very low, tho OK IF nothing else came out of it. He just happened to mention he'd decided to get a season ticket for the bus. I said that if he did that, we would go overdrawn at the end of the month. He said 'Surely we're not as low as that, it's only £30'. I explained that everything else in the account was already accounted for to pay for bills, food, etc. He suggested that once I've done the budget, he will flag up anything else that crops up but says he understands if I say it's a 'no' because he does know I'm trying hard to keep us solvent (we had around 30k of debt at one point & I'm not going there again).
If you are the person who mostly manages the money, I think you need a similar arrangement because it doesn't benefit either of you to be paying bank charges. Sorry I can't be more helpful & sorry you are having a difficult time.
F x

DawnW

So sorry you are feeling like this

You are not a failure. I have been in this position (and remember that sick feeling when DDs don't go out and bank charges stack up), though fortunately many years have passed since that time. It will pass for you as well, honestly.

That doesn't help much at the moment though.

Are you finding it so difficult due to repaying debt? If so, you really need to speak to one of the free debt charities, as this can be dealt with. Or is it simply the cost of living, in which case doing a SOA, as someone else has suggested, may help?

Do you have any family who would lend you a little money to help in the immediate term? Or is there anyone / any scheme at work that could help, even something such as a fee free loan for transport costs? Or an advance on your salary?

Not sure if any of these suggestions are useful, but it might at least give you something to think about. Sorry one or two posters were a bit sanctimonious (in my view anyway) and harsh on the other thread. Lucky them, if they have never made a mistake or been in a position where they have had to make a bad choice!

Please keep posting and let us know you are ok x

sacha28

Thank you everyone for the support/advice.

I have spoken to OH who is feeling pretty crap about the DD, he honestly thought he had set it up to be taken straight from his wages so this was a bit of shock to him too. I understand the need to be in a union, we work in the same sector and it's really important to have backup if things go wrong.

I have spoken to the car parking company and they have been quite helpful. Apparently they are calling a meeting with the trust as they feel this is going to be a widespread problem and many other DD's are going to be returned due to the increase in cost caused by their 'glitch' (as he called it). They're going to discuss how to deal with it as they feel it's unfair to cancel access to the many people due to their muck up. He said my access won't be cancelled yet and that I will get notification in 'about a week' of the outcome of the meeting and when access has been cancelled. The call ended and felt on a very different note to previous conversations when I realised payment hadn't been taken.

It has been a very long time since I felt this low. We've had massive upheaval and things haven't exactly been smooth since the move. We have had some terrible luck and I just feel like I'm only just about treading water. I feel a huge responsibility as the move was geared around me and my career, which hasn't panned out in the way it should have. I look back to 6 months ago and, financially, we were in a much stronger position than we ever had been. Because of me, we're now struggling again and I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. I almost wish we hadn't moved and feel like I have been incredibly selfish because I am the only reason we moved.

The only things that keep me going are my son and the belief that it can't be this bad for much longer and I must be due some luck at some point. A ridiculously philosophical way of looking at things but, short of falling into a deep depression, I don't see what else I can do

sacha28

Sorry, missed a few people asking if this is because of debt.....no (thankfully as that really would be the nail in the coffin) we are currently debt free. We took out a DRO in Jan last year and, because of this, we were able to get to the point, just before we moved, where we still had a little of the previous months wages in the bank on pay day.

We are just struggling with day-to-day living expenses. Between us we have lost nearly £1000pm in wages as my OH had to reduce his hours but remain working where we lived as he couldn't get a job here. His commute costs are nearly £200pm....that's just to get to work. Childcare is £335pm and absolutely essential. His ex moved far far away from where we lived originally and he has to meet half-way for his dd's visits. Our move has added on nearly £40 to each journey so it's nearly £100 to pick her up, £100 to take her back and it was our turn to have her this xmas. There's another half term coming up soon so that's another expense we're going to have to fork out soon.

God this is really getting to me

notanewuser

Sasha, I remember some of your earlier posts. Can you post up a SOA? it will give people a better idea of changes that could be made.

sacha28

notanewuser wrote: »

Sasha, I remember some of your earlier posts. Can you post up a SOA? it will give people a better idea of changes that could be made.

No problem, could you post a link please?

notanewuser

Surely this will make a big difference going forwards?

sacha28 wrote: »

My OH was unable to find a job where we moved so had to commute, costing £200 pm, but has now found a job here starting Monday but our childcare costs are pretty big in relation to income.