"I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it."

Slothy88

The title quote is from C.S. Lewis' 'Alice's Adventures in Wonderland'. I came across this quote today, and found it rather fitting for my situation.


The story of how I'm here is a rather long and boring one; in a relationship from the age of 16 for nine years, did all the usual adult things such as buying a house, getting engaged etc. But then I realised that although we were 'adults', we weren't in an 'adult relationship'. This realisation came upon me when I met someone else who I very quickly fell for, and knew I wanted to be with. It sounds awful when I say that, but I didn't cheat (and never would). You can't help who you fall for, all you can do is choose how to act upon it.


So, I very promptly broke off my engagement, and my now ex started to get nasty (at one point he had his hands round my throat - not nice at all). He moved out, and the plan was that I would take the mortgage on my own, however the mortgage company wouldn't give me the mortgage in my name (even though I could very comfortably afford the payments).


So the house went on the market November 2013. March 2014 it sold, and I moved out ready for the new people moving in. Signed a renting contract etc. Sale fell through after nine weeks due to the buyers coming into money issues. I was now paying rent, council tax and bills on my rented property, as well as a mortgage and council tax on my own property. Told the ex he had to start paying half again (which he wasn't happy about but he couldn't really argue), and the house has been on the market since.


I really struggled financially while I was renting, and my hero of a new boyfriend (the one who 'saved' me) was subbing me a couple of hundred every month just to pay bills. We moved in together in September just gone, so me outgoings have decreased somewhat, but I was still needing help at the end of the month. It was my OH that convinced me I needed to do something about it. Until then I had been coasting along, content with just paying the minimum to keep creditors away. Like a lot of people, I had never missed a payment and my credit file was spotless, but I was literally sinking in my own despair. It made me feel really ashamed that he was having to bail me out, and that I was putting him through my misery.


So I contacted StepChange, and they recommended a DMP. I immediately sought out a new bank account, for which I received the details on Monday. Yesterday I sent letters to all of my creditors explaining my situation and offering £1 token payments. I also sent my application to SC yesterday.


I feel so in control now. In August I was diagnosed with moderately severe depression and acute anxiety (for a multitude of reasons, not just money problems), and have been going to counselling since then. My most recent appointment was the Friday before last, and my next is in the middle of January. The way I'm feeling now, this one will be my last. :T


So, back to the quote I've used in the thread title. It is very fitting to my situation, as had one of my friends come to me with this problem, straight away I would have told them it's not manageable, and I would have been researching how to help, and ultimately would have concluded that a DMP was the best way forward for them. It took a long time for me to see that I myself was struggling, however. Sometimes we just need a caring outsider to give us a guiding hand. For this, I need to give great thanks to my lovely, patient boyfriend, and everyone in the DMP support thread who have answered questions I had, and answered questions I didn't know I wanted to ask. You're all heroes

Whitefeather8

I love your quote, I can relate to that one too!

All the best on your journey, onwards and upwards!!

“I can't go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.” Alice in Wonderland.

Slothy88

Oh, forgot to say - a lot of my debt is from credit cards, when my ex was on a graduate teaching program he was earning literally pennies, so I was supporting both of us mostly. He couldn't get credit, so I was taking out credit in my name and spending on us both (holidays, stuff for the new house), and when we broke up OBVIOUSLY he wasn't going to give me any money for it, even though he took our 3 year old car that I had paid a lot of money into and left me with nothing, meaning I had to take out a loan to buy a cheap car.


I'm not blaming him for my debt - it was my fault, I shouldn't have been so stupid to take it out to spend on both of us, and I have well and truly learned my lesson the hard way!

Slothy88

15th December 2014

Today, StepChange contacted me for all of the creditor details. Hopefully they will have contacted all of my creditors by the end of this week, and I'll be ready to make my first payment at the beginning of January - a new year, a new start.


They're estimating that it'll take 3 years 4 months to pay off all of my debt, which will give preliminary debt-free date of May 2018 - hopefully, however, in that time (God willing), I will have sold my house and will be able to dramatically reduce that date. In the mean time though, I'm just happy that there's an end in sight!


In other money-related news, All of my Christmas presents have been purchased, I get paid on Thursday, and because of making £1 token payments this month I have £200 to stash away for an emergency fund. This also makes me feel more in control than I have before. It's been a long time since I've had anything saved for an 'emergency'.


Also, I have a job interview on Friday. I've only been in my current job for just under four months, and although I'm on a good wage I'm commuting 90 mile round trip each day (which is killing me as well as bankrupting me), and the job is NOT as they sold to me. This new job will start initially on what I'm currently earning, but in April the manager is retiring and the plan is that the new person will take over their job. If I get it, I could be on £10K more by April!!! :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:


Fingers crossed I get somewhere with it! It sounds like just what I'm looking for.

monz

Hey dont beat yourself over it. I am in debt cos I was helping my ex out and thinking it was best and as a cpl should both deal... Then him cheating on me and leaving me for this other girl and leaving me with his debt.

Never again. Lesson learned and move on I say xx

Slothy88

17th December 2014

I have transferred all of my 'spare cash' from my old accounts into my brand spanking new one. I get paid tomorrow, and I've just checked my payslip and am pleased to confirm it has the correct new sort code and account number, so hopefully that means my wages will be paid into my new account with no issues, and I won't have to panic-transfer at 5.30 in the morning to make sure Halifax don't steal my money!


I've made a list of the direct debits I pay out every month, and my plan is to call them all on Friday (my day off) to let them know of my new account details.




I also got my car insurance renewal quote through. Last year I paid £65 a month ( :eek: ) which worked out at £780!! My renewal quote was £560 which is still pretty high. I did some research myself, and although my current insurers is still the cheapest for me, I managed to get a quote of £360 by entering my details as a new customer. Then, when I phoned them, they got it down again to £320!! Because of this, I have enough cash to actually pay my insurance up front for the year (which has never been known), which then means I can save myself £65 a month! I can pay my car tax straight up in January


Oh, the simple things when you're starting a DMP...


I'm feeling pretty positive about it all

Slothy88

AND I opened an online savings account attached to my cash account, for my future £65 a month savings. Just transferred my first £1 in and feel very satisfied. More satisfied, though, that for the first time in forever my current account is in the black!!!

Slothy88

8th January 2015


Step Change is all set up! I've had my welcome pack, I am able to log on, and they have contacted my creditors.


I've already had letters from MBNA and Halifax CC stating that they agree I'm in financial difficulty, they accept the SC payment proposal, and have suspended interest/charges.


That's two down with three more to go!


Making my first SC payment in 4 days as a manual payment, as I was too late for setting up a DD this month. My first DD will be coming out on 1st February, but I was adamant I wanted to start the DMP in January - new year, fresh start and all that. Plus it means I'm that little bit closer to being debt free by my 30th birthday!


Onwards and upwards!

Slothy88

My positive for the day: I work four days a week, so in 3.5 hours my working week will be done


Lots to do tomorrow (exciting things), hopefully my LAST EVER counselling session in the morning, followed by a free eye test, going for my medical examination to apply for my provisional LGV driving licence, then FINALLY washing/vacuuming the car!

Busy_Mee

Well done you - fantastic fresh start to the New Year : )

Debt-queen

Loving your positivity Iv subscribed ��